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Topic: Melt down (Read 579 times) |
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Mattrf
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OK I was sitting on the coach and my wife asked how I was doing, this means she wants me to tell her on a scale from 1 – 10, now she has been in pain for about a year with shoulder problems and just had a second painful surgery so I try not to burden her and typically will downgrade it a bit she has enough with her own pain, but this time I just had a melt down. I started to cry like a baby, I am four months in right now and probably have four or five to go. I am very scared since this is my second cycle that I could go chronic and it scares the hell out of me. I don’t know if I would be strong enough to deal with that and don’t know how you guys that are chronic do it. I find myself wondering how I could check out but still be able to get my wife the insurance money, how scary is that? I am not a fanatic but I am a Christian and I find myself wondering what I have done to deserve such a torment and what I need to do to make amends to stop this punishment. I am going to change doctors to one that is a headache specialist that I got of this web site and maybe he will be a little more aggressive and get me some relief.
Thanks for being here for me I would say you don’t know what it means to me but you do and we are all in the same dam leaking life boat just trying to keep afloat.
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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Redd
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #1 on: Apr 30th, 2006, 1:02pm » |
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Matt,
We all try to protect our loved ones from this contition, but you have made it to another day and the tears and the breakdowns are all part of this. I breakdown from time to time myself.
I've walked down this same road, however I had no one listening to my grief and dispair, and I too wondered, how could I end things and still leave a positive memory for my children. I was alone, huddled against the small chest freezer in the storage room where I could deal with my pain in isolation while my children slept peacefully not 200 feet away. They knew nothing of the details of this disease at the time and I had hoped they never HAD to know.
I went from total chaos of pain and despiration to melt down stage as the the hit passed, cursing myself how I could have even considered leaving my children to find me there. It was then that I made the determinated step to never allow the Beast to take me down that path again, no matter how bad things got. I would not let Him win.
We are here Matt...any time you need us day or night...we'll be the knot in the end of that rope so you can always hang on, no matter how little strength you may have. We will hold you up, we will carry you through. The light is always on here.
Pegg
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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chewy
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Quote:| I was sitting on the coach |
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How'd the coach feel about that? Did he throw a flag on ya?
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Kris_in_SJ
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #3 on: Apr 30th, 2006, 8:05pm » |
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I'm sure the "coach" remark was just an attempt to lighten the situation, Chewy. But, It was in pretty bad taste if you ask me.
Many others here have been through what you're describing, Matt. Redd just told you a similar story.
Stay strong. Your wife and children need you. Chin up - you can do it. Kick the Beast in the ass - or at least where it counts.
Many hugs,
Kris
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I'm a small woman in small town being chased by a VERY BIG BEAST!
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Mattrf
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Thank god for my wife and kids who keep me alive.
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #4 on: Apr 30th, 2006, 8:16pm » |
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Thanks guys I think he was bagging on my spelling I said coach instead of couch.
I am hanging in there.
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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chewy
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Quote:| It was in pretty bad taste if you ask me |
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Didn't ask ya.
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BarbaraD
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #6 on: Apr 30th, 2006, 8:55pm » |
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sometimes things look like doom and gloom, but if you look around others have it worse (or it seems that way) than you.
When I went chronic I had just had a husband have a stroke and was dealing with that on top of the headaches. Try tending to a petuculant two year old (60 year old) while getting whacked with CH about a dozen times a day. But I got thru it and now I think I can do almost anything. And yes, I did think about ending it all, but .... never could get things in order enough to check out.
Hang in there -- remember -- what don't kill ya makes ya stronger. I'm living proof.....
Hugs BD
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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D_Robinson
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #7 on: Apr 30th, 2006, 10:39pm » |
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Matt,
I know things look bad sometime and well it might appear that Chewy was baggin on ya, but he might be trying to make you laugh.
Matt if I did not take a step back and laugh about my situation as of late well I would be sitting about crying for the last 30 days period.
Somtimes laughter is the best medicine one can take. It got me thru a real tough month and well I spend 1700 bucks on other meds and without laughter I would not have gotten thru this last 30 days.
the only thing the 1700 bucks got me was 8 pounds lights and I do not smoke any longer.
David
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Jasmyn
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #8 on: May 1st, 2006, 4:00am » |
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Hang in there Matt  We are here for you, you don't have to do this emotionally alone, we understand.
Ditto what Pegg said.
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Jazz 
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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Mattrf
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #9 on: May 1st, 2006, 6:26pm » |
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As hard as this is it would be a hell of a lot harder without you guys.
Thanks.
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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gore2424
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #10 on: May 1st, 2006, 7:07pm » |
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Hi Mattrf hang in there dude I myself have feelt that way but never did give up. Sending all my pain free vibes plus extra to boot. And BTW I looked at your pic of the fish and thought you said you were sitting on the COAST with your wife. lol I need to get mt eyes checked. Terry
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what the hamsalad was that ¿?¿
I said your hair looks nice Ü
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Mattrf
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #11 on: May 1st, 2006, 8:44pm » |
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No problem Terry, I did not take it personal.
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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marlinsfan
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #12 on: May 2nd, 2006, 2:04pm » |
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Matt, I've been episodic for 24 yrs. If I try to look on the positive side, as there has to be one, chronics don't have the stress of wondering when the cycle will end, or when the next one will start. I think that after a bit, chronics cope because they know they're dancing with the beast every day, and that allows them to live their PF time to the fullest.
How often in a cycle do you wonder if tomorrow it will end? My last cycle lasted 4 monhts, and for the last month of it I was grasping at the hope that the cycle would end with that night's battle. Only to be hammered again next night.
My 1 yr anniversary from last year's cycle just passed last week, and i KNEW I would cycle up again, but so far I haven't. I haven't been living my PF time as fully as I should, because I've been worried about the cycle starting up, making sure my O2 tanks are full, my trex prescriptions maxed, afraid to take a nap just in case I get woken up, having a hard time going to sleep because i just KNOW that I'll get hit. Pretty pathetic! 
Don't get me wrong, I'm not making light of the chronic's condition, but I think I would actually be relieved if I ever turned chronic so I could just end the crap of wondering and just get on with my life.
My 2 cents. I'm praying for you, bro. Hang in there. In the meantime, don't let go of that oar, and keep rowing!
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Mattrf
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Thank god for my wife and kids who keep me alive.
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #13 on: May 2nd, 2006, 2:10pm » |
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I called a headache specialist this morning that I got of the list from here and they said that the next available is in June, oh crap right? Well I told them if they had a cancellation to call me and then I said I was getting very close to being suicidal and bang I have an appointment at 1:00 today, dang that worked well. I just hope he will be more aggressive in my treatment and find something that will help me cope a bit better.
Thanks guys for the support.
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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RichardN
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #14 on: May 2nd, 2006, 3:06pm » |
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Kewl re the instant appt.
You didn't mention whether you used 02 or not. If not, don't walk out of the office without a script for same with a 15 lpm regulator and non-rebreather mask (the one with the bag). Works to abort for 60-70% of us. Has been a miracle for me, especially as I can't take triptans (Imitrex) due to arterie blockage and high cholesterol.
Someone please post the "brightok" link for Matt. I still haven't figured out how to post links . . . . but I'm a GHOF and have lost several brain cells these last few years . . . . I WILL conquer this small obstacle.
Be Safe,
Richard
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I can live with the beast as long as I don't have to "dance" with the bastard.
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govna12
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #15 on: May 2nd, 2006, 3:39pm » |
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I can't sit when I have my cluster. I am new to the board and looking for help. Has anyone had surgery or knows of anyone who has, and what was the outcome?
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BarbaraD
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #16 on: May 2nd, 2006, 3:50pm » |
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Yep, I had surgery (a stereo tactic radio frequency trigeminal rhizitomy) back in 99. Paralyzed the left side of my face and I'm still chronic -- didn't work. And I was a good candidate for it to work.
Try everything else before you even THINK of surgery and then get to a doc who KNOWS what the hell he's doing. I went to Wayne Hurt in Houston. He's about the best on this type of thing.
Hugs BD
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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govna12
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #18 on: May 2nd, 2006, 6:50pm » |
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Thanks BarbaraD, I am just looking for help. Everything I have tried: from oxygen to relpak has not worked. Been in this cycle for 3 months and am frustrated and tired of being tired all the time.
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Richr8
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #19 on: May 2nd, 2006, 7:03pm » |
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Matt,
Have you looked into a pred taper or alternatives? I personally try to avoid the pred taper, but after three weeks or so without relief I will give in ecause I know it works for me. I personally will be trying an alternative approch next year. I'm sure the pred taper is covered at brightdot, but not sure about the alternatives.
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pf wishes,
Rich
...because yesterday is history and you never know what tomorrow will bring.
"Med free"- A few seeds and lots of O2-LG but not great.
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Kris_in_SJ
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Re: Melt down
« Reply #20 on: May 2nd, 2006, 8:02pm » |
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Hi Govna12,
I would recommend that you post your questions as a new topic. It's easy to get lost in someone else's post.
BTW - Welcome.
Kris
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I'm a small woman in small town being chased by a VERY BIG BEAST!
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