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Topic: Depression vent. (Read 500 times) |
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Mattrf
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Depression vent.
« on: Apr 26th, 2006, 12:31pm » |
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I have been in cycle since mid December, my CH lasts all day only changing in intensity. I have had a couple brakes with no pain but they lasted less then a couple hours, now I am sliding quickly into deep depression, I would never purposely hurt myself, I could not put my wife and kids through that but found myself driving to work today wishing a large truck would run a stop light and take me out and I could picture myself thanking god for ending my suffering. These thought scare the hell out of me and I thank god for my wife and kids who don’t realize that they have probably saved my life.
I have a call into my doctor to see what he will give me to help me get through this, I have some Wellbutrin but the internet says to not take it with Verapamil without talking to your doctor so I am on hold right now. I guess I could see a shrink but what would the purpose be, I know why I am depressed and unless they can make the pain go away, talking about it is only going to make me more depressed. I am so glad I found this place, I could never tell my wife this, it would scare the hell out of her and she is recovering from shoulder surgery right now and is dealing with her own depression and does not need me dumping on her, so thanks for being here and letting me vent, and most of all understanding.
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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tanner
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #1 on: Apr 26th, 2006, 1:28pm » |
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Matt,
First thing is know that you are not alone! You say that your ha's last all day which will cause some to question whether they are clusters or not. I won't do that as I have atypical clusters myself, but it does raise the question as to whether or not you may have more than one thing going on at a time. Have you taken the quiz and printed a copy for your doc?
How about O2? You don't say anything about abortives so if you haven't already done so you need to check all of them out
(one at a time) LOL.
I am not one of the experts regarding treatments around here so I will leave that to more capable hands. I do suffer from depression on a daily....no constant basis. It is hard not to. I have been chronic since 87 and I am still going tho the fight gets nearly impossible sometimes. I have found that spending time here with these people is the only thing that helps me get past the worst moments. I am not taking any pharms for depression because I have HepC and I would like to outlive my liver  . If I was you I would definitely talk to your doc about alternatives to wellbutrin as I am sure there are some.
I take 480mgs of verap just to keep my bp from spiking dangerously high during high KIP attacks and my Neuro told me it is one of the drugs with the least bad interactions so please do check with your doc.
Also spend time here doing research but also just making friends. The general board has taken a lot of heat lately but for me it lets me stop feeling sorry for myself and greatly improves my mental state just by joking around with the others. I also suggest you jump in with both feet to be supportive of others when they need it, it will make YOU feel better.
I am sorry to meet you here but very happy that you are here and I look forward to getting to know you..........tim
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it's just my head that sucks...http://www.centerforlit.com/
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Mattrf
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #2 on: Apr 26th, 2006, 1:54pm » |
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Was diagnosed two years ago with CH, guess I should have been clearer I get bad shadows all day with intermittent peaks probably two or three times a day, I am also on o2 and it does help abort the spikes.
Just went to use my o2 that I have at my office and the idiots did not check the seal and it is missing, just my luck! I work at Stanford University in a research center and have had our head researcher confirm that I have CH so I am sure that my neurologist was right with his diagnosis. My right eye is on fire right now and is watering, I better get some coffee or Redbull or I may be in trouble.
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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TxBasslady
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #3 on: Apr 26th, 2006, 2:19pm » |
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Matt,
Excedrin Migraine works to kick a shadow for me most of the time. A cup of hot tea will do the same.
Have you tried the Kudzu?
Sorry you're going thru a rough time....
Try not to let the depression get you down. If you can't talk things out right now at home, come here and vent all you need too. Lots of years of experience here.
Jean
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How lucky I am... to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye too.
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I adopted a Vietnam POW/MIA from El Paso, Texas! 
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Mattrf
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #4 on: Apr 26th, 2006, 2:40pm » |
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Thanks Jean
I really don’t know what I would do without this site, my wife and in-laws are the only people out side this board that seem to understand. My own family seem to think that I am making it up just so I don’t have to come visit them, my father and his wife where in town and stopped by, I was on my o2 and in pain and I remember the look on my fathers face was like wow maybe he really is in pain, I was thinking to myself you think so but-munch! Sorry but like most of us it just really upsets me when someone looks at me with that look of get over it or they say it can’t hurt that bad, but I am sure you know what I mean. Sorry but I am just so angry right now, I just want to put my fist through a wall, and it is so frustrating to be this angry and to not be able to do anything about it.
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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BarbaraD
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #5 on: Apr 26th, 2006, 3:19pm » |
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Take a deep breath ..... don't let the CH win.....
We've all been where you are right now... It's aggraviating to say the least. I have a four year old grandson who understands better than his idiot parents about mine.
BE careful if you take the Excedrin (it works great for me to abort) -- it can cause rebounds if you take it too often. I usually take three with a cup of black coffee when the CH is under a 5-6. But I don't do it two days in a row. I learned the hard way on that one. Coffee, Red Bull, O2 and ice packs work pretty well for me, but when I'm in high cycle (I'm chronic) I have to resort to cafergot (hate that stuff).
Other than that, I try to lead a fairly normal life around the CH. Once you get to the point of deciding these things are not going to rule your life, you can accept them as part of your life and learn to work around them. Or at least that's what I've done over the years of being chronic.
Let us know how you're doing.... And welcome to the family...
Hugs BD
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Richr8
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #6 on: Apr 26th, 2006, 4:38pm » |
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on Apr 26th, 2006, 2:19pm, TxBasslady wrote:| Excedrin Migraine works to kick a shadow for me most of the time. |
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Ditto here Matt. Also, O2 will also kill the shadows for me now that I have a clustermask. Hang tough my freind. We have all been there and know exactly where you are. Better times are not far off. Glad to hold your hand along the way. 
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pf wishes,
Rich
...because yesterday is history and you never know what tomorrow will bring.
"Med free"- A few seeds and lots of O2-LG but not great.
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Roxygirl
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #7 on: Apr 27th, 2006, 9:33am » |
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Matt,
I'm sorry to hear all that you're going through but you have to keep your head up. This year I got my ch's back after being pain free for 6/7 years. I got really spoiled over the years and never imagined them coming back. I got depressed and anxious and didn't know what I was going to do. I felt like I'd be really happy if my life ended. I just couldn't deal with the pain! I ended up taking xanax which helps with the anxiety and a little bit of the depression. I talked with the doctors and they said it was safe to take with Verapamil and the Zomig spray. I was also lucky to have a supportive boyfriend and family to help get me through it. I think I scared my boyfriend a few times because he would see me when I'd have a bad CH and hear me say I just wanted my life to end and can't take it anymore. I think what helped the most for my boyfriend and I was finding this site. I could see I wasn't the only one going through this and somehow these other ch sufferers were making it through the hard times. Plus I found out more info on abortives I hadn't tried.. It help my boyfriend realize what I was going through and he continued be supportive throughout my cycle. Luckily I've been pain free for about a month but I know I'm going to have to tackle these again. I've gotten through it this time and I know I can do it again. I know it's easier said than done but hang in there. Don't let this take control of your life.
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danm
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #8 on: Apr 27th, 2006, 11:37am » |
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Matt,
Hang in there buddy. I am coming out of a 4 month cycle that is the longest I have ever had. I was feeling helpless. But I can finally see the light and you will to. This board is great and is worth more than any neuro could ever give.
There's hope for all of us.
Dan
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these things suck!!!!
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Mattrf
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Thank god for my wife and kids who keep me alive.
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #9 on: Apr 27th, 2006, 3:40pm » |
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Doctor gave be Welbutrin so today is the first day on it but it should help.
I know you all understand and that is what makes this place so special and a life saver.
I really don’t know how you chronics can do it, mine last 9 months and it feels like it will never end but I know it will then I will get a little over a year brake before I have to do this again but to have virtually no brake at all, you have to be one tough SOB to deal with that so my hat is off to all you chronic suffers a tougher breed there just can’t be.
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Charlotte
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #10 on: Apr 27th, 2006, 3:44pm » |
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When they change in intensity, do you get the twinges & spasms in the eybrow on several rounds before you get the side pressure and burning in the forehead? Then the next ramp gets you in the eye?
That is one of my signals to medicate. Any where in that part is when the maxalt mlt works for me. (I've never used a whole so I don't know if it would work better or worse.)
The times when medication doesn't help me is the sweating or when the pain feels like sinus or toothache or hurts in the mastoid bone.
I hope your depression gets better. Hang in there.
Charlotte
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Mattrf
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Thank god for my wife and kids who keep me alive.
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #11 on: Apr 27th, 2006, 4:08pm » |
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Thanks Charlotte
No twinges or spasms, I just get the burning in my eye then the stabbing and tearing and they come in succession pretty fast and that’s when I hit the o2 and it normally aborts it.
I just read another post about this sinusbuster.com stuff and just ordered some, sounds like it may be promising, it is derived from hot peppers and is a spray for the nose, it will probably hurt a bit but hell we are all used to that aren’t we? I should have it by early next week and if it works I will start a post to let everyone know. Could be snake oil but hell I will try just about anything and with shipping it is less then $20 so what the heck.
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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TAHwife
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #12 on: Apr 27th, 2006, 6:59pm » |
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Hi all...My heart goes out to all of you as my husband has had CH since 1992...he wasn't really diagnosed properly and suffered very much like all of you. The last headache was almost two years ago, until about two months ago. The DX about 7 yrs ago was reverse blood flow in his left arm where his blood pressure was usually taken, so it was always low. One doc got the bright idea to do blood pressure in right arm and was SKY HIGH. He has been on BP meds since then and doing pretty darned good...he could live life again!! Then the bomb fell again!! We just recently went on a planned cruise (b/4 headaches started again) and it was a nightmare for him...nights upon nights with no sleep...he went to doc's today and said "yep, clusters are back". No crap...he BP was 159/88. High when you are already on two BP's a day, but doc upped it to another pill a day. I AM FURIOUS!!
I told emailed my husband today with the CH link and told him how hopeless I feel as I cannot help him. I think he should see a nurologist or a vascual doc. Do muscle relaxers help at all??? I am at my wits end...he recently retired and it has not been fun.
Any response would be greatly appreciated...Thanks! And Bless you all....Karen H
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Karen
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superhawk2300
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #13 on: Apr 27th, 2006, 11:33pm » |
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Hey Matt,
I am sorry to hear of your suffering. Please post and vent over every little thing you feel like. I am new here too and I'm sure I've been a big pain in the ass to many people here with tons of dumb little posts, but it helped me a lot.
Many can speak about pain treatment better than me but I will try to help with the depression. I found once I have a "greater purpose" to my life the CH pain affects me less and I am more willing to suffer through it. It can be anything that moves you. My mission is to create a world of courageous beauty by being authentically patient and accepting. It refelcts what I didn't get as a child and by using it I help some non-profot groups and have done things live taught state-sponored anger managment courses for people who have abused love ones. Knowing that I can and have affected the lives of others gives me strength to find a way tolive through the CH attacks.
When I thought my CH's were sinus headaches I used to hang my head over a pot of steamy water with menthol in it, wiht a wet towelover my head, and listen to music that painted a beautiful picture in my mind while focusing on my breathing. It helped a lot I think, not because I was treating any symptoms, but because I was distracting myself with strong imagas of beauty.
Just some thoughts. Be PF.......
Jamey
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Jasmyn
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #14 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 3:05am » |
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Hi Matt
Depression and suicidal thoughts with this immense pain, yes... I go through this and like you I hang on because of my kids.
Best therapy for me, has and always will be, this site. You are not alone.
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Jazz 
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sandie99
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Re: Depression vent.
« Reply #15 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 10:45am » |
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Hi Matt,
depression & suicidal thoughts are no strangers to me...Ch can do that to you. I've been both chronic and episodic, so I know what it's like. With this cycle I have lots of more safety nets. These guys at here are fantastic! When you need them, they'll be right here. So when you need to vent, advice, support, suggestions, someone to cheer up... come here.
Best wishes & PF days,
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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