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Melissa
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I think Lily may have ADD...
« on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:21pm » |
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Today I received 4 2nd quarter reports from Lily's teachers. She's failing 3 subjects and has a D- in another. All of them say she's not doing/turning in her work. It's strange, she'll have A's and F's all on the same page. I began to Google about 13 yr old daughter & not turning in schoolwork and I think I hit on the problem.
You see, Lily is constantly off in never-never land. You can tell her to do something, or talk to her, and she doesn't acknowledge it. At first I thought it was your typical teenage selective hearing, but this is happening a LOT. She is so very capable of good grades, but I'm noticing she's not very attentive.
Anyway, I ran across this page and the part about the "daydreamer" with ADD describes her to a T.
http://www.pregnancy.org/article.php?sid=1099
And I bet you every single thing on that checklist would be checked off.
Does anyone have experience with a child and ADD? I'm not sure how to go about getting her diagnosed or checked out.
Mel...who's feeling like a failure as a mother right now. 
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DennisM1045
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #1 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:28pm » |
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Hi Mel,
I'm sorry to hear your daughter's grades are slipping. How old is she? Is this a recent thing? Or have her grades always been spotty like this?
If it is recent then there is no way this is ADD. ADD is something that shows up early. It's more likely that she's just loosing interest. That's not uncommon with teenagers. I've had to kick a few in the butt myself.
My most recent grad, Casey, would get A's in any class where he like the teacher. Classes he didn't like the teacher he was just as likely to fail.
Good luck hon...
-Dennis-
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Rosybabe
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #2 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:28pm » |
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Mel you will never be a failure, you are there for her and you are ready to help her , that makes you a wonderful and caring mother.
Obviously She is going to need a professional evaluation before you can tell for sure if she has ADD. If she is good in some subjets but is falling behind on others it could also be that she is not understanding what she is being taught. Maybe a tutorial will help her.
She has the potencial, maybe she just needs the right approach on those subjets. Remember sometimes the teacher is responsible for the child's grades if the child is not understanding the subjet, she could be needing more time on those subjets or perhaps a different teacher.
And again you are NOT A FAILURE!!!
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DennisM1045
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #3 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:30pm » |
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on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:28pm, Rosybabe wrote:| Mel you will never be a failure, you are there for her and you are ready to help her , that makes you a wonderful and caring mother. |
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on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:28pm, Rosybabe wrote:| And again you are NOT A FAILURE!!! |
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And what Rosy said!!!
-Dennis-
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Dape
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #4 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:31pm » |
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Quote:| Mel...who's feeling like a failure as a mother right now. |
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Dont you dare feel like that mel, the fact that you are trying to figure out what is going on makes you a wonderful mother.
The only thing i could sugest would be to talk to the school and find out if they can help in anyway.
Hope you get the help you need.
Dape 
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Melissa
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #5 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:33pm » |
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Her grades have been spotty like this for the past couple years.
Ok, for example, for Literature this year, 1st Quarter grade was an A! Now she's getting an F? She's 13 yrs old and has always had an attention problem. Her mind wanders a ton and it frustrates me to no end. It's like she can't concentrate, only when there is 0 distraction.
George- I've read that ADD can also show up in the teenage and adult years too. ADD is commonly disregarded when it comes to girls too.
Rosy- the thing is, she understands, she's gotten A's in those classes. She GETS it, she just doesn't remember to hand in her work, is very disorganized and scatterbrained.
*sigh* I suppose I'll just call our physician and see if he can refer me to someone to give her an evaluation.
Thanks everyone.
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| « Last Edit: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:34pm by Melissa » |
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #6 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:38pm » |
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Take a deep breath, Melly and don't you dare question your abilities as a parent. It's more than obvious that you're a wonderful Mom.
She's a teenager hon - I'm not sure what happens to them at that stage - but both my girls went through that and they were just fine. There's a ton of stuff on a young girl's mind - and school work just doesn't rank up there with all the other things they fret over.
Get her checked out for your own peace of mind - but don't you ever think this has anything to do with your parenting skills.
It may be that she's not understanding or simply that she's a teenager and her head is in the clouds right now.
Hang in there kiddo.
Hugs
Carol
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Brew
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #7 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:39pm » |
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We found the majority of the distraction in school for our son was other students. If you should decide - and this isn't for everyone - check out Monroe Virtual Charter Schools:
High School - http://www.virtualdiploma.net/
Middle School - http://www.monroevirtualmiddleschool.com/
They can be at your fingertips too, through Wisconsin Open Enrollment, which takes place once a year, every February.
I'm sure Pat will weigh in here soon. She's an expert in this stuff.
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Rosybabe
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #8 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:43pm » |
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Is she getting enough sleep? is she skipping breakfast? if she is tired and maybe a little anemic, all can bring up those problems.
IMHO not everything is caused by a disorder but it would be a good idea if she gets that evaluation and also a good medical exam.
In the mean time talk to her maybe a journal and a cute agenda can do the trick  . She will remember to give the teacher her homework if she has a nice agenda to write off of her list  .
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Jonny
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #9 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:45pm » |
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My Mother would have checked every one of those on that check list when I was a kid.
I bet most Mothers today could.
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Mosaicwench
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #10 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:48pm » |
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Mel - welcome to the roller coaster ride of your life . . . . !!
She's too old to be tested for IQ (8 and under is optimal) but my guess is she's bored with her studies because they don't challenge her. Dennis is right that ADD would have shown up earlier. By 13 - 16 they usually outgrow it. If she's capable of A's and not getting them then there is something else going on. Don't immediately assume ADD and don't, whatever you do, DON'T let a TEACHER diagnose and label your daughter. They are NOT doctors and shouldn't be doing things like this.
I speak from experience when I say the public schools are dumbed down for this kind of student. If they let her fly at her ability level she'd be very involved and the grades would show it. Talk to all her teachers (email is a good way to start) and get them to tell you how she is acting in class. Is she tuning out? talking with friends? eyeing up the hunk next to her? Drawing?
She's also 13 and SOAKED in hormones which can cause hearing loss until the age of 22 (or so I'm told). This could be a factor.
You might observe how she processes YOUR instructions to her. If you write them down does she do them without fail? If you speak them to her does she fail at the task? You might be dealing with an auditory processing disorder - can't make (much/any) sense of spoken directions.
And all of it may come down to being 13 and testing her limits and trying on hats (hats like underachiever, misfit, etc.,)
Teenagers are a breed unto themselves and unfortunately don't come with a manual . . . .
And I can't tell you how many times I questioned my fitness as a mother - Brew can attest to that. It's when your KID tells you you're a lousy mother that really strikes bone . . . . teenagers can be evil!
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| « Last Edit: Dec 14th, 2007, 5:23pm by Mosaicwench » |
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #11 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:52pm » |
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I've had three that were on various doses.
You are not the problem Mel. You are her adult mind to the solution.
My experience and challenge was to find a doc who did not have the knee jerk "med em" response. You will be able to find a way to help her keep her attention to task when it is required.
I have one who only needs a med when cramming for a test, or needs to stay on task for a special project over a weekend.
(I'm sure I would have been a Ritilin poster child in the 60's).
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Melissa
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #12 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 4:56pm » |
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Rosy, she's eating breakfast, getting 9.5 hours of sleep every night, she's happy, healthy, etc. We've tried having a planner but she filled in things for like 2 days and then forgot about it. She's always forgetting!! It isn't until I take every single thing away from her, Gameboy, TV, computer, not letting her go to friends houses, etc., that she brings her grades up a notch, but as soon as I give a little bit of leash, they start to slowly slip again.
She's a good kid, very bright, happy, well adjusted. I just want to help my baby!!
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #13 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 5:08pm » |
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Mel, you can go to a phycologist or neurolgist for ADD diagnosis I believe. Two of my three kids saw a pediatric neurologist and were diagnosed when they were five with ADD. They basically say do you think she has it. Do the teachers think she has it. If so then here is a pill. Take this. It is hard to diagnose unless you have good teachers input. I would talk to them and get their feedback first. Second, my youngest son who definetly does not have ADD would not turn his homework in for nothing from the time he was 13 to 18. He went from straight A's in middle school to A's and F's in High school. He just would not hand in his work. He would do most of it just not hand it in and miss deadlines. He flunked his freshman year and had to take summer school all four years in order to graduate in the summer of last year. When he came home from boot camp he appologized for putting us through hell and wasting so much time in his life by not getting things done and handed it. He realizes now how stupid it was.
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Karla
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #14 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 5:09pm » |
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and you are helping her by loving her , you know that..
but she is also 13...you may need to tight the leash a little bit again...until you get the Doctor results back and stick to a routine.
I am saying all this because my Mom had the same problem with my little brother. He kept missing things at school, not writing down the homework and forgetting his stuff and of course next day he could not find it. I lost count how many times he lost his jacket  and notebooks. Has was around the same age as Lily, he is 16 now and he is getting a lot better, he only lost 2 jackets this year, that is a record! and his grades are great! .
Sometimes the kids need a little firm push. But if the push is given with love and care it will work a lot better than medicine.
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Jonny
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #15 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 5:15pm » |
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on Dec 14th, 2007, 5:08pm, Karla wrote:| They basically say do you think she has it. Do the teachers think she has it. If so then here is a pill. Take this. |
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Then they jack the kid up on ritilan?
That is so fucked up its beyond belief!!!!!
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Karla
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #16 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 5:19pm » |
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I couldn't agree with you more Jonny!
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Karla
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #17 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 7:46pm » |
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on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:21pm, Melissa wrote:Today I received 4 2nd quarter reports from Lily's teachers. She's failing 3 subjects and has a D- in another. All of them say she's not doing/turning in her work. It's strange, she'll have A's and F's all on the same page. I began to Google about 13 yr old daughter & not turning in schoolwork and I think I hit on the problem.
Does anyone have experience with a child and ADD? I'm not sure how to go about getting her diagnosed or checked out.
Mel...who's feeling like a failure as a mother right now. |
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Mel I had the same problem with my daughter while I was preg and up to 2 years after my son was born. I had the schools try and get me to put her on Meds and I refused to do that because I knew that she really did not need it. I went over her home work with her everynight but she would not turn it in, and then she would hide it in her desk or back pack or room, so she knew that she was doing something that was not acceptable.
My daughter is 10 now and still has the same issue at times. She just zones off and really does not think about anything. Even to the point tat she will look right at me sometimes and answer me but it is like it does not connect in the brain that she is even talking.
It took us sitting down with her teachers, her dad and I and Shara in the same room and confronting the issue. Talking to Shara and explaining that we knew that she was smarter then this. That she knew that she was smarter then this. and taking the time to set up a plan with the teacher that we had a nightly progess report that said if she turned in her homework and paid attention. The teacher signed it and I signed it every night. One of those cheat 50 page 1/3 sheet journals. If I had questions or concerns then I could write them in the jounral and it got Shara to start paying attention to the little details.
Honestly I would try that with her first. Work with her and her teacher / school staff to come up with ha plan before you end up sticking a label on her that she might not really need. If they will not work with you, then you and Libby come up with a plan. Make her be responsible for her actions. Set up everything. What she loses if she does not get this this and this done, what she gains if she does it all week long right. But if she has a decent teacher, then they should be willing to meet with you.
/huggs Tia
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| « Last Edit: Dec 14th, 2007, 7:50pm by Tiannia » |
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #18 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 8:21pm » |
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Those daily correspondance forms from the teachers where they have to sign off on if the homework is handed in really does help. It is an effort on the teacher and parent. Mostly the parent to follow up and get on the child if the work was not handed in. Bottom line is that is what helped Chris to graduate. I was just bumbed out that they waited until his Jr. year to activate it.
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #19 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 10:05pm » |
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on Dec 14th, 2007, 5:08pm, Karla wrote:| Second, my youngest son who definetly does not have ADD would not turn his homework in for nothing from the time he was 13 to 18. He went from straight A's in middle school to A's and F's in High school. He just would not hand in his work. He would do most of it just not hand it in and miss deadlines. |
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OMG Karla, THIS is Lily!!! When she got home from school today, I had a talk with her. She is just either not doing her work because she forgets to bring it home, or she does her work and forgets to hand it in.
Tia, same thing! Where can I get those sign off sheets from? I am seeing that Lily has a problem with organization and remembering.
What can I do for her, other than the sign off sheets, to help her memory?? Right now she is grounded from her gameboy and computer for a month. I also explained to her that there is always a chance she'll have to repeat the 7th grade or we'll have to homeschool her. She did NOT like those prospects to say the least, lol. Anyway, I am going to try and grill it into her head every morning that after each class, she is to put her homework into her backpack so it'll be in there for when she comes home. She was completely honest with me about the homework thing, and that she doesn't remember she has any until just before getting of the bus.
We now really know the problem, and need to work on a solution! I've already emailed her teachers to get some feedback, so hopefully this is a step in the right direction.
The LAST thing I want to do is put my daughter on meds. I was too quick to judge about the whole ADD thing because I felt at a loss and didn't know what to contribute her actions to. Now that I've had time to calm down and think things through, I see things more clearly.
Thank you ALL for being here for me!!! You don't know how much I appreciate your input and care.
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #20 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 10:07pm » |
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on Dec 14th, 2007, 4:48pm, Mosaicwench wrote:Mel - welcome to the roller coaster ride of your life . . . . !!
She's too old to be tested for IQ (8 and under is optimal) but my guess is she's bored with her studies because they don't challenge her. Dennis is right that ADD would have shown up earlier. By 13 - 16 they usually outgrow it. If she's capable of A's and not getting them then there is something else going on. Don't immediately assume ADD and don't, whatever you do, DON'T let a TEACHER diagnose and label your daughter. They are NOT doctors and shouldn't be doing things like this.
I speak from experience when I say the public schools are dumbed down for this kind of student. If they let her fly at her ability level she'd be very involved and the grades would show it. Talk to all her teachers (email is a good way to start) and get them to tell you how she is acting in class. Is she tuning out? talking with friends? eyeing up the hunk next to her? Drawing?
She's also 13 and SOAKED in hormones which can cause hearing loss until the age of 22 (or so I'm told). This could be a factor.
You might observe how she processes YOUR instructions to her. If you write them down does she do them without fail? If you speak them to her does she fail at the task? You might be dealing with an auditory processing disorder - can't make (much/any) sense of spoken directions.
And all of it may come down to being 13 and testing her limits and trying on hats (hats like underachiever, misfit, etc.,)
Teenagers are a breed unto themselves and unfortunately don't come with a manual . . . .
And I can't tell you how many times I questioned my fitness as a mother - Brew can attest to that. It's when your KID tells you you're a lousy mother that really strikes bone . . . . teenagers can be evil! |
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This is some great advice and is pretty much what I was going to write after you answered my original questions. Nice job MW. Sounds like the voice of experience to me
If she responds to restrictions then you have to be consistent and keep applying them. My 16 y/o has spent more time without the computer and a cell phone than she has with it. If she delivers the grades she gets rewarded. If not, she goes without. It isn't easy being a parent. Especially when you are still having little ones. Our oldest is 26 and our youngest is 5 so we're there with you.
So, talk to her teachers, talk to her Dr but it sounds to me like she's just being a 13 y/o.
I said somewhere here that with teenage girls I begin to loose IQ points when they turn 13 and don't regain my former genious status till they turn 21 
Good luck Mel. It sould like she's a normal teenager to me.
-Dennis-
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Jonny
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #21 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 10:09pm » |
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Your a great Mom, Melly......never forget that!
You hear me?......I hear me!
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #22 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 11:19pm » |
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Yes, melly, you are a wonderful Mom.
From my experience:
ADD and ADHD are 2 different issues. ADD kids are spacey, forgetful and disorganized. They are not hyperactive nor do they exhibit behavior problems.
Ritalin, and other stimulants really help kids (and adults) with both ADD and ADHD. If she has it, she should find life getting easier on the meds.
Teachers are not qualified to diagnose, but their years in the classroom can help them identify kids at risk.
Ask Lily's dr for feedback forms (there's a name for them that I can't remember, LOL)
Her teachers will fill them out, and so will you. The dr will look at them and it can help him decide if she may have ADD. If she doesn't, Ritalin will not help at all. Generally you can tell whether it's helping within a few days.
It's possible that she's bored, but I think she's the kind of kid who wants to please... so she may be struggling instead. Not with the content, but with the follow through.
Let me know if I can help in anyway.
hugs, nani
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #23 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 11:31pm » |
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You do fine Mel.
She's a kid. Give her some time to find something else to bug you.
I'm with Jonny too. No pills.
Charlie
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Re: I think Lily may have ADD...
« Reply #24 on: Dec 14th, 2007, 11:50pm » |
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Rating scales, surveys, questionnaires, checklists, and profiles are all being given to children, and even adults, today by teachers, mental health providers, doctors, and parent’s. These are sadly being marketed misleadingly to the public as valid tests in determining a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD.
BTW: Theres no more "ADD"....The new term is "ADHD"
Its the same thing but they add a twist to sell more drugs......Google it!
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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test rss