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Topic: ok, opening a can of worms here ;) (Read 1045 times) |
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PollyPocket
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ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« on: Oct 16th, 2007, 6:42pm » |
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The topic of way too many convos at home has been that men and women CANNOT be "just friends". Not my perspective, but the spouse's. Example given: the recent incident with the old guy. Remember that?
He says: "We're GUYS. That's what we think about!. We'll be friends, but if we think we can knock the bottom outta that thing, we're gonna go for it" and, "Look at US. We were best friends, but........." 
I TOTALLY disagree. I have several male friends and its nothing more than that. His response?: "Well, thats what YOU'RE thinking" arrrgggghhhhh
Please provide some "sides" to this issue. Its a constant topic of discussion. What say you?
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Jonny
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #1 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 6:54pm » |
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99% will go for it if they think they have a chance......about 50% will not if they have no sign that your intrested.
Me?.....I would never try on a married chick and would never pick some chick in a bar, any skank that would go with someone they dont know is just that!
I dont fuck, I make love, and for that to happen I have to know you.
Thats probably why im in the postion im in......LOL 
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Rosybabe
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #2 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 6:54pm » |
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I personally think I can have male friends and just be friends. I went to college and spent five years with a group of 59 men, and we were only 3 girls in the class. I have to tell you, I was only friend with the guys, the other 2 girls were B*&^%.... I never got along with them...
Yeah I dated a couple of the guys but the others were just friend material more like brothers
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purpleydog
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #3 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 6:57pm » |
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I believe men and women can be friends. I think, IMO, it really comes down to mutual respect, any guy who is only interested in getting into your pants isn't/ couldn't be a friend.
I have several male friends, and it's great. Having conversations, sharing, going out for a beer, doing things that friends do is the same as having friends of the same gender.
I don't spend a whole lot of time with the male friends I have, and haven't seen some in a long time, but we pick up right where we left off, when we can get together. Or keep track by email.
And my significant other doesn't mind. There are no threats (maturity on his part). In fact, our relationship started off as a friendship that grew into more, and we are now best friends.
If a husband can't handle it, he feels threatened for some reason. I always wondered why married men felt that way, you picked him, right? How can there be any doubt? I don't know, JMHO.
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Sean_C
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #4 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 7:07pm » |
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on Oct 16th, 2007, 6:54pm, Jonny wrote:
Same here.............................I'm a huge cuddler before and after. I also have a come switch witch enables me to wait until you are in that state of aura, you know the one where they get that stupid look in there eyes.
In all seriousness, it don't matter what gender anyone is, its all about drive. If your an overly horny person your gonna be weak, its that simple.
Cheers,
Sean......................................
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| « Last Edit: Oct 16th, 2007, 7:14pm by Sean_C » |
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George_J
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #5 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 7:07pm » |
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Sure--I think--in fact I KNOW that men and women can be friends and nothing more.
There's a woman I've been friends with for thirty years--since college. Boinkage?  I don't think so. That would rank as one of the worst ideas I can think of. She cracks me up, and I like the way she thinks, but one of the best and most comfortable things about knowing her is that there is ZERO man/woman stuff in the atmosphere, and we both know it.
EJ has several male friends--people she's worked with over the years, and so forth--that she sees for lunch and at social occasions. No big deal.
I've heard this kind of thing before--"men and women can't just be friends"--and I just don't buy it. It depends on the man and woman.
Best,
George
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Guiseppi
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #6 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 7:09pm » |
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A very interesting article in Mens Health last month on this very topic. The fact is, the vast majority of these relationships, if they go long term, go sexual. I won't even try to condense the article in a single post but it was a very good read. It approached it from several different angles, the advantages to having opposite sex friends to better understand people you loved etc..
Funny that so far only women have said they could have an opposite sex friend an nothing would ever happen.......I couldn't decide for sure what Jonny meant......remember my rule number one Jenn????? Men are pigs It's our nature!!
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Jonny
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #7 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 7:24pm » |
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on Oct 16th, 2007, 7:09pm, Guiseppi wrote:| I couldn't decide for sure what Jonny meant...i |
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Then let me make it easy for you.......a long time emotional friend that you tell all your marital problems to will end up fucking you in most cases.
Who better to bang than the dude telling you all the right things that are wrong with your marrige?
Yes, men are pigs,,,,,but not this one when it comes to that!
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Melissa
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #8 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 7:24pm » |
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I agree with George. I have male friends who I can tell intimate things to but would never think about having sex with.
Of course, I don't know if it's the same way with them, but honestly, I would never want to know. That'd just make the whole situation awkward and the relationship would never the same again. 
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nani
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #9 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 7:32pm » |
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I think it's possible, but boundaries are needed from the beginning. I think women shouldn't talk about their marital problems to men, that's why we have girlfriends. And vice versa.
I have lots of men friends, and my hubby has lots of female friends... but I think we're clear about things with our friends, so there's no point in someone staying friends with us if friendship isn't their intention.
When I was young (even when I was a kid) I was kind of a tomboy and always had more male friends. And about half of them thought they could get in my pants.
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| « Last Edit: Oct 16th, 2007, 7:33pm by nani » |
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LeLimey
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #10 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 7:32pm » |
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I have a lot of male friends who I don't think even realise I AM a girl! They are good friends and I love having them in my life and I'm quite confident that they aren't attracted to me any more than I am to them.
They're worse than crap when it comes to shoe shopping though I have to say. That is definitely a girls only pastime!
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Sean_C
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #11 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 8:15pm » |
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on Oct 16th, 2007, 6:42pm, JenniferD wrote:| Please provide some "sides" to this issue. Its a constant topic of discussion. What say you? |
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Ok I'm going to give what I would do in "my" case scenario.
I have been with my wife since 89, and we are best friends still.
Now I do have women who I know from working, old girlfriends, friends etc etc, however, if my wife was uncomfortable with my even having a friendship with a woman, I would out of respect for her let that friendship go, as would she do for me. I do have some absolutletly beloved friends who I phone talk to on this board, Nan, Jeanie, Maa, all of who I love with all my heart and as my mother used to say, "always say you love someone you love, before you say goodbye, you may never get the chance again" and I am not afraid to tell any of them just that with my wife beside me, and she knows its not the sex love I'm loving, its from the heart.
Thats my honest 2 cents Jen.
Cheers,
Sean.......................................
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chewy
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #12 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 8:24pm » |
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on Oct 16th, 2007, 6:54pm, Jonny wrote:
I dont fuck, I make love, and for that to happen I have to know you.
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Well OK but we dont have to "talk" and "communicate" and shit like that afterwards do we?
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Jonny
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #13 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 8:26pm » |
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It all comes down to trust, if you aint got that nove on!
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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chewy
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #14 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 8:30pm » |
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on Oct 16th, 2007, 8:26pm, Jonny wrote:| It all comes down to trust, if you aint got that nove on! |
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Yup. No doubt about it. That means you want to "talk" and "communicate".
I'm outta here.
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Jonny
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #15 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 8:32pm » |
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on Oct 16th, 2007, 8:24pm, chewy wrote:Well OK but we dont have to "talk" and "communicate" and shit like that afterwards do we?
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I do in Phoenix; :
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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chewy
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #16 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 8:33pm » |
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By the time I get to Phoenix...........
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jimmers
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #17 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 8:40pm » |
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One word sums it up: "Insecurity"
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ClusterChris
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #18 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 8:41pm » |
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I don't think there is a real good answer for that. IMO if theres mutual physical attraction, more then likely shit is going to happen. No attraction, friends for life! 
Chris
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Ray
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #19 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 9:10pm » |
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Jenn:
It depends upon the people involved. I get along with women better then men. Sorry guys. I am happily married and would not get into the whole "mentally undressing" my friends, that would be gross.
I have a rather "Christian" perspective, and don't tend to commit adultery in my mind. If there were some undue attraction or attention, I would break it off.
JMHO
Ray
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john_d
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #20 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 9:37pm » |
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For me, if I have a friend and she is in a relationship or she trusts me to just be friend in general, I see it as just that I am not going to be hitting on her. Otherwise, you just gonna end up with neither. For an oddball like me, good friends are so valuable when I find them i would not risk that just to get some, no way.
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| « Last Edit: Oct 16th, 2007, 9:38pm by john_d » |
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DennisM1045
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #21 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 9:49pm » |
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I'm no help on this one Jen. It's been so long since I could look at another women and not think "can she affort the child support?" that I have no frame of reference Let me tell ya, if all you can see is the $$$ it would cost no women looks that good.
I've been married since I was 19 and Andrea was 16. Hell, the wife and I literally grew up together. We're completely inseparable. All the other women I know are just friends and none of them are very close. But then I guess I judge close by what I have with my true best friend.
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Charlie
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #22 on: Oct 16th, 2007, 10:54pm » |
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It's easier if it has to do with humor. If someone cracks me up, it's easier to be just friends. What it is, is safe of course.
Charlie
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| « Last Edit: Oct 16th, 2007, 10:55pm by Charlie » |
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sandie99
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #23 on: Oct 17th, 2007, 4:16am » |
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I've always wanted to believe that it's possible, but, naturally, depending on the people in question.
A cousin of mine had a male best friend for years, but only when she got engaged she found out that her best friend was in love with her. He said that he coudn't attend her wedding, because he doesn't want to sit there and watch when she says "I do" to someone else.
And I... I don't have much male friends, which is kind of sad. I thought I had few of them, but they wanted to be more than just friends. One of them actually asked me out without asking me out; he said that he had asked bunch of us to a get together, but actually, it was just me and him. In a way it was sweet, but he was just a friend to me and honestly saying something about it would have been much better.
And I have lost male friends when they begun to date someone else. It's complitely understandable, but also unnecessary; had I wanted to more than friends with one of them - I would have said something.
I have thought about my reaction if one of Timo's best friends would be a woman. I'm not quite sure how I'd react, to be honest.
Sanna
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Wayne
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Re: ok, opening a can of worms here ;)
« Reply #24 on: Oct 17th, 2007, 7:07am » |
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Oh I certainly believe that its possible. My best friend at the moment is a lady, we have great fun together playing pool and enjoying a few pints but have no intention of taking it any further. We both know that there's a "line in the sand' that, if crossed, will change the whole thing so we just don't cross it. BTW this has been in place for about 18 months now with no shit at all.
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