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Topic: 20 Years? WTF??? (Read 281 times) |
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B14CK5H33P
New Board Old Timer
Circa '92
 
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Posts: 346
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20 Years? WTF???
« on: Sep 16th, 2007, 6:06am » |
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September of 1987 I began having clusters. I never envisioned it ruling what I would become. I have been a musician since age 10, and was sought after by many bands.
February 1998 I went chronic, and all of the treasures I collected as a musician and also as an industry rep quickly became spoils. I lost everything... including myself.
Now at 37, I am unable to get on a stage like a 60 year old rolling stone, and even with my head to the grindstone am stuck in the ghetto. I do internet radio which, is alot of fun - but alot of work, which I don't get paid for. I almost quit this week... but when mentioned my frustrations, I had several people tell me that "I am the reason they stay home on sunday nights." So I decided that if I can't bring music to people in the fashion I most want to (as a musician onstage) then I will continue making noise through cyber-airwaves. I am in the process of doing demos for what will be my first and probably final actual album due to physical problems and limitations.
Plus... I am determined to make music, even if it is just a hum or whistle. And also, as I've learned as an international DJ - there are still so many self righteous ass-o-holes to piss off left to quit. Not to mention, I've ran out of towels to throw in. I'm not the person I thought I would be, but at this point feel like even if I had it all - if I die tomorrow, who actually gives a damn?
If I can make a difference to any sole being in this life, then mine is complete because to the world we are all just one person, but to one person we may be the world. And if I can make an recompense for any mistake in this life I will try, and if not... fuckit. I made it 37 years, and have buried more friends than I have been alive in years... so I am grateful for every painfree moment I have. And for the pain to come... I have Jesus in my heart and Satan in my fist! I wish it on noone though there are so many that deserve much more.
I've ate enough humble pie to give years of bellyache - but am done bitching about it. 20 years chronic of CH have taught me one thing: life is not fair and if anytime you think life should be fair remember... life is NOT fair.
I'm done saying "why" and just resolved with "just because" and have learned that when you hit the wall, you can either break, or breakthrough. I'm beyond being broken, but still trying to break through.
I used to wonder how people wound up in the hood like I live in now. I wa never THIS courious to know. In fact, I saw myself on many different stages at this time in life, but not this one.
I don;t get to post much often anymore, as I am backed up with stuff to do musically. And I am determined with every breath I have left in me to make music.. even if I am reduced to just whistling in a chair. Not to mention, since I have become an international DJ, I have learned there are still so many people left in this world to piss off with a dose of reality. 
Peaced,
Carl D
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My show is Sundays from 7pm - 1am eastern on www.wildbunchradio.com
Reality Is For Those Who Lack Imagination - Ken Olsen (R.I.P.)
Won't give up it wants me dead, Goddamn this noise inside my head -NIN
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DennisM1045
New Board Hall of Famer
One wave at a time!
  
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Re: 20 Years? WTF???
« Reply #1 on: Sep 16th, 2007, 8:06am » |
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Hey Carl,
You keep wistling and we'll keep listening. PF wishes to ya brother.
-Dennis-
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Dancing the dance since 1995 ... Family member since 2007 ... No longer alone
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phil_h
New Board Old Timer
one day at a time , one headache at a time.....
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Posts: 447
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Re: 20 Years? WTF???
« Reply #2 on: Sep 16th, 2007, 8:13am » |
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Congratulations... or what every is appropriate to acknowledge your survival and determination to breakthrough............ You are an inspiration to shorttimers , like myself . I hope you continue your journey with the great courage and strength you have already demonstrated..... May pfdan's be found in abundance.............. phil h
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Angels are among us ........beasts beware !!!!!!
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sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: 20 Years? WTF???
« Reply #3 on: Sep 16th, 2007, 9:13am » |
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Good to see you post, bro. Rock on.
And now when we don't have TV, I might be able to persuade my best supporter to listen your show.
PF days,
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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phil_h
New Board Old Timer
one day at a time , one headache at a time.....
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Posts: 447
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Re: 20 Years? WTF???
« Reply #4 on: Sep 17th, 2007, 9:43am » |
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Not a typical radio show last night........I hear your frustration............ I'll tune in again....pfnad's phil h
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Angels are among us ........beasts beware !!!!!!
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Charlie
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Happy to be here
  
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Re: 20 Years? WTF???
« Reply #5 on: Sep 17th, 2007, 8:13pm » |
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Good to hear from you and your post sounds good; very good and I'm glad you're doing what you can for others and yourself
Keep at it Carl
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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Kevin_M
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
withered branches grow green again.
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Posts: 6184
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Re: 20 Years? WTF???
« Reply #6 on: Sep 17th, 2007, 9:04pm » |
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Glad you're ROCKIN' Carl.
Can a cartoon be far behind?
Adventures of B14CK5H33P Int'l Airways,
a 21st century Clutch Cargo.
A spinoff of
The Soylent Scene 
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| « Last Edit: Sep 17th, 2007, 9:07pm by Kevin_M » |
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