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Topic: Violence Hits Home. (UPDATED) (Read 1252 times) |
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I have a son that's 14 yo. He has a sister that's now 18 yo. Although his sister is not really my daughter, I've been there since she was 3 and she calls me dad. She's my daughter !! She's just gotten married this year and is now 8 months pregnant. Her husband held her down on the floor and hit her in the face and head. She's got a black eye and knots on her head. She wouldn't call the cops on him. I told her I was going to call them and she said it would make things worse on her.
What should be my role in this situation ?? Should I do what I want to do and pound him into the ground ?? Should I call the cops ? What if she goes back to him (like I think she's going to do) ??
THIS IS BULL$HIT !! I don't think I'll be able to keep my cool if/when I see him ! He's going to get it !!
What say you ??
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| « Last Edit: Aug 12th, 2007, 1:27am by unsolved1 » |
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #1 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:27pm » |
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OMG! I want to kill him on your behalf.
How many times has he hit her before. Some women do an amazing job of denial.
If he's hit her once - he'll do it again and it's going to be so hard to convince her to get out of there but she needs to do just that for her safety and the safety of her baby. It won't be harder on her if you call the cops - not if you can convince her to get the hell out of there.
What a bastard!
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Sean_C
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #2 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:28pm » |
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I'm going to give you my example if the roles were reversed here and it was my daughter.
Its simple, I would fuck him up so bad, he'd be prayin the cops show up.
Then she'd be comin home with me, period.
But thats just me.
Sean.......................
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rolo65
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #3 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:32pm » |
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Rent her a copy of the burning bed (Fara Faucet) and make her watch it!
Rolo.
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Jonny
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #4 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:34pm » |
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If she dont want you to call the cops means she will never say a bad word about him even if they do show up.
Shes setting hrself up for an abusive life by doing this.
Baseball bat to the dudes skull, "Just make sure he knows its you and get your message straight"
Ive been through this, the dude was gone a day later!
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
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Yorky
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #5 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:34pm » |
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<<<<some sharp vibes heading his way>>>>
may every one of them hit the jerk.
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present.
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BMoneeTheMoneeMan
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #6 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:40pm » |
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Jesus, Bro. Makes my blood boil.
Like they say, he probably did not hit her to hurt her, he hit her to scare her.
Put him in the exact same position he put your daughter in - hold him down on the floor. Make sure he gets a real close look at the tip of a soldering iron. I would make him feel double the fright that your daughter felt. Make him piss himself, and pray to god for his life.
Course, that's just what I would do. I am sure other ideas will be forthcoming shortly.
B$
PS - make sure you have 2 'witnesses' to cover your story if he does call the cops. Beer buddies should do just fine.
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"Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool - can't get fooled again"
Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half the population is stupider than that.
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nani
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #7 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:40pm » |
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As a parent, I certainly understand all the sentiments here. I'm proud of you guys for being such good fathers. But, the fact is, this is much more complicated than we see it.
Michael, call your local domestic violence center, and get some advice from the pros. Having some objective help can help all of you get through this.
I'm sorry this is happening, hon.
BIG hugs, nani
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BMoneeTheMoneeMan
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #8 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:45pm » |
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on Aug 10th, 2007, 8:40pm, nani wrote:As a parent, I certainly understand all the sentiments here. I'm proud of you guys for being such good fathers. But, the fact is, this is much more complicated than we see it.
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As much as I love you, Doll, I gotta disagree with you.
It's not complex, it's black & white. The dude needs to be taught a lesson. Whether it is a beating or the filing of some paperwork, now is a good time for him to learn this lesson.
If he learns it now, he won't have to learn it later, cause later it's gonna be more difficult.
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"Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool - can't get fooled again"
Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half the population is stupider than that.
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phil_h
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #9 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:47pm » |
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report the domestic violence by father against 8 month pregnant wife...., to DYFS , they will protect the unborn child and mother...........or call the police he's assaulting 2 lives.......... or take him fishing !!!! really , the police must also act to protect the child ....i"d go over and wait for him to be removed...making sure he knows you reported him...this may also open the door for a private discussion in the future , where you might clarify your thoughts on abuse....a man that would assault his 8 month pregnant wife , is capable much worse...maybe he can get help....i haven't seen such cures...your daughter should get a restaining order and protect her child and the child's mommy....that's the responsible thing for a parent to do.....sorry for everybody's pain and fear...action needs to be taken..... phil h
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Jonny
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #10 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:48pm » |
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on Aug 10th, 2007, 8:45pm, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:| The dude needs to be taught a lesson. |
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Agreed (did hell freeze over?) 
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
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nani
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #11 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:49pm » |
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So, it's OK if violence begets violence?
Don't get me wrong, I want to kick his sorry ass, too.
But, if Mike does that, what if his daughter rejects him and just gets herself more isolated and at this losers mercy? I've known women who get themselves into that situation. At the very least, she's just not going to let anyone see her when she's beat up, to avoid more trouble.
It's complicated. Really.
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| « Last Edit: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:50pm by nani » |
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rolo65
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #12 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:51pm » |
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The key is to make her change so she can see what's down the road, and then go to the bar where he hangs out and take him outside and give him a kip 100 he'll never forget!
Rolo. 
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| « Last Edit: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:52pm by rolo65 » |
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Jonny
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #13 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 8:54pm » |
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on Aug 10th, 2007, 8:49pm, nani wrote:| At the very least, she's just not going to let anyone see her when she's beat up, to avoid more trouble.. |
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Then why let her get beat up? 
Take the fuck out, Mike!
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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BMoneeTheMoneeMan
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #14 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:00pm » |
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on Aug 10th, 2007, 8:49pm, nani wrote:So, it's OK if violence begets violence?
Don't get me wrong, I want to kick his sorry ass, too.
But, if Mike does that, what if his daughter rejects him and just gets herself more isolated and at this losers mercy? I've known women who get themselves into that situation. At the very least, she's just not going to let anyone see her when she's beat up, to avoid more trouble.
It's complicated. Really. |
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I am not necessarily saying Mike needs to get violent, or cause intentional harm.
If, however, Mike were to hold him down, and have a little chat with him, and then tie his ass up and kick his ass down the basement stairs and lock him down there for a night, then, the next day, take his hunting knives down to the basement and sharpen them while debriefing the fuck on what lesson he learned......THAT would probably do the trick.
Who said anything about getting violent?
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"Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool - can't get fooled again"
Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half the population is stupider than that.
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phil_h
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #15 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:01pm » |
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if you told me this in my office , i would be ethically and legally obligated to report this to dyfs and the police ..there is a good reason for this...phil h
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Maffumatt
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #16 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:01pm » |
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A real man would never hit a woman much less a pregnant woman. Sometimes its best not to get involved but I don't think this is one of them. I'd pay the guy a visit, some things are worth going to jail for.
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rolo65
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #17 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:03pm » |
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on Aug 10th, 2007, 9:00pm, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:
I am not necessarily saying Mike needs to get violent, or cause intentional harm.
If, however, Mike were to hold him down, and have a little chat with him, and then tie his ass up and kick his ass down the basement stairs and lock him down there for a night, then, the next day, take his hunting knives down to the basement and sharpen them while debriefing the fuck on what lesson he learned......THAT would probably do the trick.
Who said anything about getting violent?
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I like the way you think A little panic room action!
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| « Last Edit: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:04pm by rolo65 » |
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john_d
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #18 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:04pm » |
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Call the cops, cause you so much as lay a finger on him, you will end up in jail. If he so much as laid a finger on her, he will.
You only have one legal option, call the cops, and if it was me, I would execute it with extreme prejudice.
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phil_h
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #19 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:04pm » |
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don't face the ,"if only i called " , that kind of guilt makes for some complicated bereavement
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Angels are among us ........beasts beware !!!!!!
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purpleydog
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #20 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:07pm » |
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on Aug 10th, 2007, 8:40pm, nani wrote:As a parent, I certainly understand all the sentiments here. I'm proud of you guys for being such good fathers. But, the fact is, this is much more complicated than we see it.
Michael, call your local domestic violence center, and get some advice from the pros. Having some objective help can help all of you get through this.
I'm sorry this is happening, hon.
BIG hugs, nani |
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Nani is right, this is much more complicated than it looks. The men want to kick his ass into the next lifetime, and I personally agree. However, Michael, this is probably not the first time it's happened, and frustrating as it is (I've been there, on your side of the fence), you have got to make sure your daughter knows and understands you are there for her NO MATTER WHAT. Since she is 8 months pregnant, she probably feels trapped, and feels like she can't get out, and that may be true. How will she support herself?
When she says that things will be worse if you call the cops, that may very well be true. He will take his anger about the police being involved, out on her, and that can be bad in her situation.
Quote:| The key is to make her change... |
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Rolo, you can't MAKE anyone change, sorry, it just doesn't work that way.
Mike, do what nani said, contact the local domestic abuse people, and talk to them. Leaving this worthless piece of shit has to be your daughter's decision. She is still young enough not to believe her life has to be lived this way. Also, what about the baby? Are you willing to support her if she leaves this jerk? That would be an important thing for her to know at this stage.
Also, a well placed baseball bat to the kneecaps should have him thinking about it. But if she leaves him, be glad of that and move on.
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BMoneeTheMoneeMan
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #21 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:08pm » |
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on Aug 10th, 2007, 9:04pm, john_d wrote:you so much as lay a finger on him, you will end up in jail. If he so much as laid a finger on her, he will.
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That's what we are trying to avoid (it sounds like)
Thats why ya gotta make sure you have 'witnessess'. Mike was out bowling, all his friends vouch for it. I even saw him at the bowling alley.
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"Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool - can't get fooled again"
Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half the population is stupider than that.
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rolo65
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #22 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:10pm » |
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on Aug 10th, 2007, 9:07pm, purpleydog wrote:
Rolo, you can't MAKE anyone change, sorry, it just doesn't work that way.
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Education changes everone willing to learn! 
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john_d
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #23 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:11pm » |
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dude, unless you are in the mob, that ain't gonna work- chances are your friends are like mine, a bunch of clumsey white dudes who couldn't get away with a speeding ticket. nice thought though
on Aug 10th, 2007, 9:08pm, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:
That's what we are trying to avoid (it sounds like)
Thats why ya gotta make sure you have 'witnessess'. Mike was out bowling, all his friends vouch for it. I even saw him at the bowling alley.
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| « Last Edit: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:12pm by john_d » |
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Jonny
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Re: Violence Hits Home. What to do ??
« Reply #24 on: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:12pm » |
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on Aug 10th, 2007, 9:07pm, purpleydog wrote:
She is still young enough not to believe her life has to be lived this way. |
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on Aug 10th, 2007, 8:23pm, UN solved wrote:| Her husband held her down on the floor and hit her in the face and head. She's got a black eye and knots on her head. She wouldn't call the cops on him. |
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Seems to me theres a conflict with that!
Batter up!!!
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| « Last Edit: Aug 10th, 2007, 9:13pm by Jonny » |
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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