Author |
Topic: Friday funny for the ladies....... (Read 212 times) |
|
aubmari
New Board Old Timer
Do not lose heart~
Gender: 
Posts: 362
|
 |
Friday funny for the ladies.......
« on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 11:56am » |
 Quote  Modify
|
When I was a child in the 1960s the bathing suit for the mature figure was
boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered.
They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a
figure carved from a potato chip.
The mature woman has a choice - she can either go up front to the maternity
department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking
like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia or she can wander
around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible
choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and
entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.
The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the
stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I
believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the
added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one,
you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your
passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.
I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap
in place, I gasped in horror my boobs had disappeared! Eventually, I
found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the
other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.
The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman
is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed
bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a
full view assessment.
The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of
me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from
top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing
undersized cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there
you are!", she said, admiring the bathing suit. I replied that I wasn't so
sure and asked what else she had to show me.
I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking
tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an
oversized napkin in a serving ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and came
out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a
rough day. I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a
jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut
leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a shorts style
bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and
bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful
outcome, I figured. When I got home, I found a label which read --
"Material might become transparent in water."
So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this
year and I'm there too . . . I'll be the one in cut off jeans and a tee
shirt!
Have a great weekend!!
Aubmari
|
|
 IP Logged |
Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, Love deeply and forgive quickly.
|
|
|
Jimi
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Who loves ya baby!
 
 
Gender: 
Posts: 2286
|
 |
Re: Friday funny for the ladies.......
« Reply #1 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 12:00pm » |
Quote Modify
|
ROTFLMAO!!! That was great.
|
|
IP Logged |
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
|
|
|
Rosybabe
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!!
Gender:
Posts: 3470
|
|
Re: Friday funny for the ladies.......
« Reply #2 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 1:39pm » |
Quote Modify
|
HEY!!! We want pics of "that" bathing suit!!! 
|
|
IP Logged |
 Believing is just the beginning!
|
|
|
aubmari
New Board Old Timer
Do not lose heart~
Gender:
Posts: 362
|
|
Re: Friday funny for the ladies.......
« Reply #3 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 3:32pm » |
Quote Modify
|
yah coz "THATS HOT"
Aub
|
|
IP Logged |
Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, Love deeply and forgive quickly.
|
|
|
midwestbeth
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender:
Posts: 834
|
|
Re: Friday funny for the ladies.......
« Reply #4 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 4:15pm » |
Quote Modify
|
The visual...... Too Funny 
|
| « Last Edit: Jun 22nd, 2007, 4:16pm by midwestbeth » |
IP Logged |
Do more than exist - live
Do more than touch - feel
Do more than look - observe
Do more than read - absorb
Do more than hear - listen
Do more than listen - understand
~ John Rhodes
|
|
|
Mosaicwench
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Find joy in your day
Gender:
Posts: 1657
|
|
Re: Friday funny for the ladies.......
« Reply #5 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 5:32pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Jun 22nd, 2007, 11:56am, aubmari wrote:
. . . try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking
like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia |
|
I hate those Fantasia hippo suits!!
on Jun 22nd, 2007, 11:56am, aubmari wrote:
The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. |
|
UNIBOOB!
This is going to sound really lame but the best swim suit I ever had was from Land's End. They called it a "mastectomy suit" - it had cups into which one could place a prosthetic boob and still look natural. I just plopped my two natural ones in and looked fine!
|
|
IP Logged |
The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter. ~Author Unknown
|
|
|
aubmari
New Board Old Timer
Do not lose heart~
Gender:
Posts: 362
|
|
Re: Friday funny for the ladies.......
« Reply #6 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 5:50pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Jun 22nd, 2007, 5:32pm, Mosaicwench wrote:
I just plopped my two natural ones in and looked fine! |
|
OMG!! That is too funny.  Gotta love the UNIBOOB!
~Aubmari
|
|
IP Logged |
Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, Love deeply and forgive quickly.
|
|
|
ClusterChuck
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
The BEAST rises again, and again, and again, and .
Gender:
Posts: 3181
|
|
Re: Friday funny for the ladies.......
« Reply #7 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 7:43pm » |
Quote Modify
|
This shows that it IS best to just let it all hang out and go nekkid!!!
Chuck
|
|
IP Logged |
"No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy."
Thomas Fuller
|
|
|
Ray
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Ray and Shade
Gender:
Posts: 1118
|
|
Re: Friday funny for the ladies.......
« Reply #8 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 7:47pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Dear Aubmari:
This had my wife and I laughing so hard it brought tears to our eyes.
Thanks for the belly laughs,
Ray
|
|
IP Logged |
You have my prayers and compassion-I'm right there with you.
Dum tempus habemus, operemur bonum
*While we have the time, let us do good*
http://www.myspace.com/rayplace
http://www.shadesgarden.com
|
|
|
Jonny
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Give me a shovel Ill dig my own grave!
Gender:
Posts: 26213
|
|
Re: Friday funny for the ladies.......
« Reply #9 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 7:59pm » |
Quote Modify
|
They dont even make a bathing suit for the gifted
Man O man is that gifted.....LOL
|
|
IP Logged |
It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
|
|
|
ClusterChuck
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
The BEAST rises again, and again, and again, and .
Gender:
Posts: 3181
|
|
Re: Friday funny for the ladies.......
« Reply #10 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 8:10pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Jun 22nd, 2007, 7:59pm, Jonny wrote:| Man O man is that gifted.....LOL |
|
So YOU say ....
Chuck
|
|
IP Logged |
"No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy."
Thomas Fuller
|
|
|
|
|
|
Home
Help
Search
Members
Member Map
Login
Register
Reply
Notify of replies
Send Topic
Print
test rss