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Topic: Ironic Day (Read 771 times) |
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Ray
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Hello Everbody:
I've had an ironic day, and as it is probably not good to keep these things to myself, I thought I would share with my fellow clusterheads. I hope you don't mind.
Back in late January, I was picking up some soda at a small convenience store. While parked there, a semi decided to make a U-turn in the little parking lot and totalled my car. Then fled the scene. Thank God I was in the store with my 8 year old. Fast forward today.
I received a supoena to go to court as a witness to this hit-and-run, but of course, I didn't see the hit-and-run, being in the store and all. It took 2 1/2 hours to convince the prosecutor to let me leave. I finally leave and head to a local mental health assessment center.
I've recently discovered that I've been depressed for 20 years or so, and more so for the last year. I'm not homicidal or suicidal, but lately it has become harder and harder to function. This assessment process takes about 2 1/2 hours and in the middle of it, I get hit hard with a Kip 8. I excuse myself from the intake person to take a shot of Imitrex, and come back, but it's slow to work, about 15-20 minutes. Try dancing with the beast in an 8x8 foot office, knowing that they could decide to make me a temporary resident in the rubber room. Oh, and the intake person hasn't a clue about cluster headaches.
Then I decide to take on the local Social Security office. In the 90's, I was on SSDI (disability) for about 5 years, but I decided to try to go back to work in 1998. It's been feast or famine, lately more famine than feast. Back in early December, I reapplied for SSDI. It took until about 10 days ago to get their response. Denied.
The object today was to obtain copies of the medical records that they based their decision on. I found them to be incomplete and the MD who reviewed the records frequently referred to the DX as migraines. I find it interesting that they ignored the notes stating that I have up to 8 CH per day and that could not be migraine. They ignored the increasing discussions with my doctor about depression, sleep disturbance, anxiety, and agitation and only recommended that I avoid working on ladders and using hazardous machinery. Now I have to try to get the more complete information before Social Security and have them reconsider my case. I am looking at another 2 months, minimum for them to reply.
In the meanwhile, I have no income. If I take some lousy job and earn over $860/month, I will become not be considered for disability.
Thanks for listening!
Wishing you PF days and nights,
Ray
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You have my prayers and compassion-I'm right there with you.
Dum tempus habemus, operemur bonum
*While we have the time, let us do good*
http://www.myspace.com/rayplace
http://www.shadesgarden.com
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Ray
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Ray and Shade
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #1 on: Jun 1st, 2007, 3:05pm » |
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I'm thinking about checking in to the local mental health place for a few days, due to depression/anxiety. If I don't add more here for a few days, that'll be why.
Ray
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You have my prayers and compassion-I'm right there with you.
Dum tempus habemus, operemur bonum
*While we have the time, let us do good*
http://www.myspace.com/rayplace
http://www.shadesgarden.com
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tanner
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #2 on: Jun 1st, 2007, 3:26pm » |
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Ray, I am very sorry to hear this  .
while I can relate to much of what you are going thru let me just say that we will be here when you need us 
........Tim
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I AM THE MASTER OF MY MIND, MY BODY, AND MY EMOTIONS...
it's just my head that sucks...http://www.centerforlit.com/
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aubmari
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Do not lose heart~
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #3 on: Jun 1st, 2007, 4:44pm » |
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Hang tough!  I hope things get better for you sooner than later.
aubmari
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Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, Love deeply and forgive quickly.
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Tara Ann
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #4 on: Jun 1st, 2007, 5:07pm » |
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Sorry things are so bad. Hang in there Ray I hope things get better. Are you on any anti depressents/anti anxiety meds?
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john_d
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on Jun 1st, 2007, 1:27am, Ray wrote:| I've recently discovered that I've been depressed for 20 years or so, and more so for the last year. |
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This part actually sounds like good news to me, it means you will go from untreated to treated and your life will most likely to improve over the last 20 years very soon. The meds they have now will get you over the hump and the therapy will cause permanent positive change. Good luck Ray.
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fubar
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #6 on: Jun 1st, 2007, 5:29pm » |
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Ray,
Welcome to the SSDI game... the process is designed to weed out people. I hope you have enough stamina to get the benefits that you deserve. It's not designed to be easy.
Best of luck,
Fu
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"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
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Ray
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Ray and Shade
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #7 on: Jun 1st, 2007, 5:32pm » |
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Hello Everyone:
I'm waiting for my ride. I have support from my wife and kids. No harm to them or to me, just need the help. It's hard to reach out when I'm so used to fixing everything myself.
Time to let down my guard and get the help. I love this place for the people, such as yourselves, who are so wonderful and understanding.
Please pray for me, or whatever you can muster, that I come out of there equipped for life.
Thank you all so much,
Ray
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You have my prayers and compassion-I'm right there with you.
Dum tempus habemus, operemur bonum
*While we have the time, let us do good*
http://www.myspace.com/rayplace
http://www.shadesgarden.com
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Tara Ann
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #8 on: Jun 1st, 2007, 6:13pm » |
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It's hard to realize but so true ..... that it takes more strength to accept and ask for help than to not. You are exhibiting amazing strength Ray. Please keep us posted as much as you can! You'll be in my thoughts and prayers Ray.
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Racer1_NC
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #9 on: Jun 1st, 2007, 6:26pm » |
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on Jun 1st, 2007, 5:23pm, john_d wrote:
This part actually sounds like good news to me, it means you will go from untreated to treated and your life will most likely to improve over the last 20 years very soon. The meds they have now will get you over the hump and the therapy will cause permanent positive change. Good luck Ray.
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I couldn't have said it better. Discovery, treatment, better life.
Ray, you have my admiration......many never admit there is a problem...nor seek treatment. You've taken a big first step. It WILL get better.
Bill
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"Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime."
Eventus stultorum magister.
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Charlie
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #10 on: Jun 1st, 2007, 8:26pm » |
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I applied for SSD in 2005, was of course denied at first, reapplied and won't know until the end of the year. I was told that I had to prove that I was being treated for epilepsy in 1972 in order to qualify. Since everybody is dead it's hard to narrow it down to that date but I spent a lot of time getting hospital records showing that I was being treated for grand mal seizures in the 60s and later in the 70s.....not good enough. They tell me I need to prove 1972 and it would have been no problem if I applied then. I would have been accepted easily.... Sounds a little iffy to me. Working on this more lately.
I told them that because I decided to get along on my own as long as possible and in effect be a good citizen for more than 30 years by not feeding at the trough, I take a beating.
Not happy.
Charlie
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| « Last Edit: Jun 2nd, 2007, 3:40pm by Charlie » |
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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HerbLady
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #11 on: Jun 4th, 2007, 7:38am » |
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Hello, everyone...I'm Ray's wife.
He asked me to come here and let everyone know how he's doing. He did check himself into a mental health facility, and I was able to see him yesterday.
I think he's doing better...it's hard to tell because he's so emotionally drained...he's "flat"...
He's had two headaches so far since he went in, and, of course, they didn't have his imitrex on hand for the first one. I guess they thought it would be just fine if they ordered each injection separately from the pharmacy when it was needed. Sounds logical, I suppose...until you've seen firsthand the agony he goes through waiting for some orderly to hand-deliver the meds. Now they have it stocked at the nurses desk.
They started him on Cymbalta on Saturday...he's had rotating weekend staff since he got there, so there's no real continuity...he's supposed to see the doctor assigned to him sometime today...I'm guessing that's when the real treatment will begin.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done...walking out that door and leaving him there...
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Annette
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #12 on: Jun 4th, 2007, 7:53am » |
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Hello HerbLady and welcome to the family,
A great big hug to you and thank you for being a supporter. Its one of the hardest jobs in the world and its often thankless.
Thank you also for letting us know how Ray is doing. We have been praying for him since he posted the thread. I am happy to hear that he has checked himself in as he will be receiving the assistance that he needs.
One thing about CH and hospital is the ignorance of the medical staff about how to deal with CH. Please make sure the medical team treating him know about it and what is supposed to be done for him if he gets hit. Sometimes as a carer you may need to speak up on his behalf.
The journey to heal from mental health problem can be a slow, long one with a few dips in between, but the hardest step of it all has already been conquered. It took great courage and determination to do what he did. You can be proud of him. With time, things will improve and he will be happier and it will benefit the CH as well.
In the mean time, please look after yourself. Dont worn yourself out. Do not hesitate to drop me a line or an email if you would like to share or chat. I have been in your shoes being a supporter therefore its safe for you to dump it on my shoulders. Talking and sharing with people who understand can really help unload the pain and the pressure.
Sending prayers and hugs and all the best wishes.
Annette
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Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius.
Arthur Conan Doyle
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john_d
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Good luck Ray
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kcopelin
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good grief
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #14 on: Jun 4th, 2007, 7:09pm » |
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Dear Ray and HerbLady,
Our thoughts and prayers are with y'all. Depression is nothing to mess around with and I am so glad Ray got help. Now, you dear lady, do not need to be the invincible she-bear. PM me anytime, rant vent whatever you need to do. We already know you're incredible-you're a supporter.
Warmest regards,
kathy
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HerbLady
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #15 on: Jun 4th, 2007, 11:57pm » |
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LOL ..."invincible she bear"...LOL
That's exactly what I felt like going in there to see him tonight....lol...a growling, hungry, mean-assed she bear...roflmao
I don't think I can be anything else...he's mine...mine to protect, mine to help, mine to advocate for...and if they screw up that Imitrex one more time, I'll take the place apart. She bear? Maybe. Y'all haven't had time to get to know him like I have. He's a one of a kind treasure. He's the love of my life...he IS my life. Put that with the fact that I don't trust doctors, mix well and add the fact that they've screwed up his Imitrex 3 times out of 4...I went in there ready to bang heads together.
I went prepared though...I took in an article on cluster headache from the Mayo clinic...two copies...one for the doctor and one for his chart. We pulled his nurse aside and made him go through Ray's chart and treatment plan with me...then I gave him the article...he's going to punch holes in it and put it on the FRONT COVER of Ray's chart...so each shift can't help but see it...hopefully, they'll read it.
He looks better today. He doesn't have that "flat" look anymore...there's a light in his eyes again. He's still having headaches...it looks like he's settling into a schedule with them...one around 10 pm and one around 10 am...he's got a few that try to start up in between, but the oxygen knocks them down.
No word on when he'll come home, but I got to see him smile a couple of times, so that's encouraging. I live for that smile...
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Shaz
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #16 on: Jun 5th, 2007, 5:54am » |
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Hi Herblady. Just read your last post and it really got to me. God it really hurts when someone you love so much is in such pain and there is not a damn thing you can do. You just want to protect them.
I really hope Ray gets the help that he needs.. The sure thing is though that he has you and it sounds to me like you are a tower of strength. Keep being there for him. He knows for sure how much you love him but make sure you look after yourself too. Its so easy to forget about yourself and wear yourself out. Use everybody hear to rant and rave, that what we are all hear for.
You and Ray are both in my prayers.
Love Shaz xx
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HerbLady
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #17 on: Jun 5th, 2007, 2:29pm » |
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HE'S COMIN HOOOOMMMEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE'S COMING HOME, HE'S COMING HOME, HE'S COMING HOME!!!!!!!!
He just called me...they're releasing him NOW...he's got to run down to the pharmacy, and do some final paperwork and gather his belongings, but HE'S COMING HOME!!!
Happy Dance!!!
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Tara Ann
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #18 on: Jun 5th, 2007, 5:04pm » |
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So glad for you guys! I hope they helped!
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Ray
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Ray and Shade
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #19 on: Jun 5th, 2007, 6:10pm » |
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Home safe and sound. More when I get a chance. I love you guys!
Wishing you PF days and nights,
Ray 
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You have my prayers and compassion-I'm right there with you.
Dum tempus habemus, operemur bonum
*While we have the time, let us do good*
http://www.myspace.com/rayplace
http://www.shadesgarden.com
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Jackie
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #20 on: Jun 5th, 2007, 6:13pm » |
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Good deal, Ray & HerbLady..... 
It's gonna get better & better....
Jackie
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Annette
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #21 on: Jun 5th, 2007, 9:31pm » |
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Big hugs to Ray and HerbLady 
Now its time to relax and be with each other, dont worry about us, we can wait 
God bless
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Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius.
Arthur Conan Doyle
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George_J
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #22 on: Jun 6th, 2007, 2:21am » |
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Welcome back, Ray.
Best wishes,
George
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Ah! The foreigners put on such airs
Wearing the tangerine suits
And their harlequin eyes.
The pain they inspire
Draws in harmonica melodies
And the feathers of birds
Which flame up at their touch.
It all comes to light in the sheer
Debonair.
(Ellen)
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Ray
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Ray and Shade
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #23 on: Jun 6th, 2007, 12:02pm » |
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Short update:
Feeling a little less flat, going out to run a couple of easy errands with my wife and youngest son. I'm not up to telling my story yet, but I'll get there some time soon. My best to all of you and my sincere thanks for the PM's, postings here and even a phone call!
You all are great, and I thank you for your support!
Wishing you pain free days and nights,
Ray
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You have my prayers and compassion-I'm right there with you.
Dum tempus habemus, operemur bonum
*While we have the time, let us do good*
http://www.myspace.com/rayplace
http://www.shadesgarden.com
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HerbLady
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Re: Ironic Day
« Reply #24 on: Jun 6th, 2007, 6:22pm » |
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A personal note from me....
This is a wonderful place full of loving, supportive people, and I really appreciate all of the encouragement here.
I, however, am going to bow out now...
I really strongly feel that Ray needs a "place of his own"...and I want to give him that privacy.
I'll leave my membership active, and do a little communicating via PM, but the boards are Ray's to play in...I'll not compromise the security he feels here.
Once again, I've really felt cared for and supported here...my leaving is no reflection on you guys at all...you are all very wonderful people. Feel free to contact me in PM and email.
Much love and best wishes,
Shade
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