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Topic: I can't believe it. (Read 249 times) |
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JeffB
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I can't believe it.
« on: Apr 30th, 2007, 11:11pm » |
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I'm putting together my first resume in years.
I ran a staffing company....what the fuck do I say????
Here's my first line:
I get up, have coffee, do the little woman, get kinda ( but not all the way) stoned, and go to work and explain why 2 or 3 shit heads didn't make it to work, and then try and sell the client more people. Hmmmm.
I should have grown up to be a firetruck like my cousin Larry! 
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" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
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alienspacebabe
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
yup. i am. i do. uh huh. you know it hon.
  
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Posts: 1775
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Re: I can't believe it.
« Reply #1 on: Apr 30th, 2007, 11:49pm » |
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Jeff B......
37 Mockingbird Lane
Nowhere, Nohow 66666
555-BULLSHIT
Objective:
To work for a company with desks comfortable enough to sleep on, with 17 weeks of vacation, nude-women artwork, and a boss who is never there.
Education:
Larry, cousin. Double major: Being a firetruck; how to properly inhale. Minor: The art of bullshitting.
Experience:
Sexcapades-R-Us - Bouncer - Responsible for making boobies bounce properly.
NASA - Flight Instructor - (Ir)responsible employee in product development & testing (bed pods) department
WomanPower - Manager - Found jobs for the unemployable, then refused calls from those employers because they were complaining.
Call-to-See - Customer Service - twice received "best use of fuck you" award!
Other interests:
The internet (is for porn)
Porn
Potato Chips
oooh... munchies!
did I mention porn?
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| « Last Edit: Apr 30th, 2007, 11:50pm by alienspacebabe » |
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Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.
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BB
CH.com Alumnus
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I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
Posts: 0
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Re: I can't believe it.
« Reply #2 on: May 1st, 2007, 12:51am » |
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PMSL laughing ! That was just PERFECT Liz ...
Annette
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ClusterChuck
CH.com Alumnus
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The BEAST rises again, and again, and again, and .
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Posts: 3181
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Re: I can't believe it.
« Reply #3 on: May 1st, 2007, 12:58am » |
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on Apr 30th, 2007, 11:49pm, alienspacebabe wrote:Jeff B......
37 Mockingbird Lane
Nowhere, Nohow 66666
555-BULLSHIT
Objective:
To work for a company with desks comfortable enough to sleep on, with 17 weeks of vacation, nude-women artwork, and a boss who is never there.
Education:
Larry, cousin. Double major: Being a firetruck; how to properly inhale. Minor: The art of bullshitting.
Experience:
Sexcapades-R-Us - Bouncer - Responsible for making boobies bounce properly.
NASA - Flight Instructor - (Ir)responsible employee in product development & testing (bed pods) department
WomanPower - Manager - Found jobs for the unemployable, then refused calls from those employers because they were complaining.
Call-to-See - Customer Service - twice received "best use of fuck you" award!
Other interests:
The internet (is for porn)
Porn
Potato Chips
oooh... munchies!
did I mention porn? |
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Hmmm this seems to be a HUGE improvement on some of the idiots I have hired, in the past.
Let me be the first to offer you a Job, Jeff .. Would $1.6 mil/year be enough to get you started?
Chuck
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"No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy."
Thomas Fuller
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LeLimey
CH.com Alumnus
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
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Posts: 11720
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Re: I can't believe it.
« Reply #4 on: May 1st, 2007, 4:45am » |
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I can't believe I can't believe that you can't believe YOU can't believe it! Sheesh!
It's simple Jeff, to reach your TRUE potential all you need to do is ask "Would you like fries with that?" 
After all - you haven't mastered numbers yet have you?!
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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BB
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Newbie
I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
Posts: 0
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Re: I can't believe it.
« Reply #5 on: May 1st, 2007, 5:02am » |
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on May 1st, 2007, 4:45am, LeLimey wrote:
After all - you haven't mastered numbers yet have you?!
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Oh yes he has Helen, he can count to 50 , apparently 
Annette
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LeLimey
CH.com Alumnus
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
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Re: I can't believe it.
« Reply #6 on: May 1st, 2007, 7:09am » |
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Yes Annette but he didn't tell you that's only if his mummy is whispering them in his ear so he can repeat them
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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jimmers
CH.com Alumnus
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Hello GOD! The gene pool needs some chlorine!
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Re: I can't believe it.
« Reply #7 on: May 1st, 2007, 8:12am » |
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Dont forget to mention that you were a test dummy for "Fluffer" girls.
Jimmers
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I don't suffer from INSANITY; I'm enjoying every minute of it!
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BB
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Newbie
I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
Posts: 0
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Re: I can't believe it.
« Reply #8 on: May 1st, 2007, 11:23am » |
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on May 1st, 2007, 7:09am, LeLimey wrote:| Yes Annette but he didn't tell you that's only if his mummy is whispering them in his ear so he can repeat them |
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It wasnt his mother Helen, it was his daughter who taught him how to count to 50 , remember?
Annette
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JeffB
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Wide open till you see God, then brake
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Re: I can't believe it.
« Reply #9 on: May 1st, 2007, 11:27am » |
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Thanks guys!
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" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
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JeffB
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Wide open till you see God, then brake
Gender:
Posts: 2729
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Re: I can't believe it.
« Reply #10 on: May 1st, 2007, 11:29am » |
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on Apr 30th, 2007, 11:49pm, alienspacebabe wrote:Jeff B......
37 Mockingbird Lane
Nowhere, Nohow 66666
555-BULLSHIT
Objective:
To work for a company with desks comfortable enough to sleep on, with 17 weeks of vacation, nude-women artwork, and a boss who is never there.
Education:
Larry, cousin. Double major: Being a firetruck; how to properly inhale. Minor: The art of bullshitting.
Experience:
Sexcapades-R-Us - Bouncer - Responsible for making boobies bounce properly.
NASA - Flight Instructor - (Ir)responsible employee in product development & testing (bed pods) department
WomanPower - Manager - Found jobs for the unemployable, then refused calls from those employers because they were complaining.
Call-to-See - Customer Service - twice received "best use of fuck you" award!
Other interests:
The internet (is for porn)
Porn
Potato Chips
oooh... munchies!
did I mention porn? |
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I tried to be an Astronaut, but I got my name wrong on the application. 
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" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
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