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Topic: How do you react to that 1st crappy report card? (Read 448 times) |
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Melissa
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How do you react to that 1st crappy report card?
« on: Apr 20th, 2007, 3:38pm » |
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I am so torn.  I just received in the mail today Lily's first "less than stellar" report card. She got her first F, in Art of all things (had a B+ last quarter  ), and 2 D's, one in Science, the other in Social Studies. (also down from a B last qtr.) Everything else is A's or B's.
Now, Lily has been an absolute scatterbrain this year. Forgetting to turn her homework in numerous times, even forgot her backpack just after she got off the bus as it pulled away! (she couldn't catch up with it to stop the bus either) She is 12 yrs old, and I believe that along with her classes changing every hour this year, she has started puberty.
Someone please tell me she'll be OK?? I want so bad to make everything so good for her, I don't want her to be shitty in school like her dumb mom!!  BUT, it seems the firmer my grip, the more she stumbles. I guess this is one of those tough times when you just have to let go and let her make her own path in life.
I can say that death doesn't care about education because I am in the position to say so, but I don't want to tell her exactly my thoughts on the whole thing, as it is way too deep for her to understand.
Damn, I want so much to protect her!
This part of parenting SUCKS!!!
Thanks for letting me vent.
mel
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Jonny
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #1 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 3:55pm » |
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Have Alec Baldwin give her a call 
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Melissa
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #2 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 4:02pm » |
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OH sure Jonny, I'm sure that'd help alot! 
A. Baldwin is an ass!
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john_d
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #3 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 4:03pm » |
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Talk to her and find out her perspective of school, her teachers, the classroom settings, doing the school work, her feelings about those things, her attitude about those things. Over time, mentally walk her through her school day, from class to class, and ask her about those things in context. If you get to the point where you can put yourself in her shoes when she is in school, I bet you will know what to do.
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lionsound
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #4 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 4:06pm » |
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1. YOU are not dumb. Lily isn't either.
2. the lower grades concern me like the F in art. I used t teach art, mel, it's nearly impossible to fail. She flat out didn't show up or didn't do the work. I would ask her, talk to her and not accuse her, why she thinks she got the F. There may be something social going on at school and sudden lower grades can indicate that.
They can also indicate learning issues. But you need to talk to her to find out what the deal is. And don't beat aroud the bush about it. She's twelve and she's smart. She knows what F's abd D's are.
You are a a great mom! 
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LeLimey
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #5 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 4:06pm » |
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Ask her what happend rather than going off the deep end (however tempting that may be!) It could be alot of different reasons and not just a case of not trying and this so doesn't sound like Lily.
Then the next step is to work out the way forward. Ive just had a similar experience with Barney and I've promised rewards for every grade improvement (small ones getting bigger as the jump gets bigger) This gives them a material goal to work to as well as that nebulous "invest in your future" stuff.
Make a chart and stick it up on the wall so she is constantly reminded of what she can "earn"!
I hope it helps Melly
lots of love
Helen xxx
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Jonny
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #6 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 4:08pm » |
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on Apr 20th, 2007, 4:02pm, Melissa wrote:
I agree!
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
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Melissa
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #7 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 4:18pm » |
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John- Thank you. Your words made a lot of sense to me beings I am a very visual, right brained person. I will definately start doing that.
Rori- I know, the F in Art concerns me too! The teacher had "Missing Assignments" and "Must Complete Homework" in the notes section, so I know she is forgetting stuff again. I wish I knew how to improve her memory skills, so I guess I'll start fishing around for something to help her with that.
Helen- Thanks for the suggestions. It reminds me of when I was in school, my step dad told me that he'd give me $50 for every A I got. Let's just say after one quarter of several A's, I took the money and then let my grades slip again. I was too concerned with Boys and having fun more than school, ya know? I think that's what they should change, maybe start the education when you're 21 instead! LOL
*sigh* Thanks for the advice all. I have a lot of thinking to do before she gets home.
hugs,
me
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aprilbee
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #8 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 4:19pm » |
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I went through that last year with my daughter...turned out she's gifted and was bored off her ass....she started in our PEEK program at school and it has made a world of difference....I was frustrated just like you and never though to have Dallis tested, her ART Teacher noticed what was going on and turned in some work to be evaluated...2 weeks later I'm enrolling her in the program....
All is not lost! chin up...little girls are hard...they have it so difficult these days...I really hate if for my daughter, but I tell her that she will have to deal with mean people her whole life and I won't always be there she has learned to deal with things her own way, just like you said, maybe let her figure it out for herself...its hard so very very hard to raise a daughter....but I hope this helps a little! 
April
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Paul98
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #9 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 4:34pm » |
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on Apr 20th, 2007, 4:18pm, Melissa wrote:John- Thank you. Your words made a lot of sense to me beings I am a very visual, right brained person. I will definately start doing that.
Rori- I know, the F in Art concerns me too! The teacher had "Missing Assignments" and "Must Complete Homework" in the notes section, so I know she is forgetting stuff again. I wish I knew how to improve her memory skills, so I guess I'll start fishing around for something to help her with that.
Helen- Thanks for the suggestions. It reminds me of when I was in school, my step dad told me that he'd give me $50 for every A I got. Let's just say after one quarter of several A's, I took the money and then let my grades slip again. I was too concerned with Boys and having fun more than school, ya know? I think that's what they should change, maybe start the education when you're 21 instead! LOL
*sigh* Thanks for the advice all. I have a lot of thinking to do before she gets home.
hugs,
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Perhaps you have answered your own question Melly If not entirely boys, O'le lady nature is probably throwing some hormones in too.
-P.
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ClusterChuck
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #10 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 4:41pm » |
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I really thought about whether to post this or not ... But your description screamed to me. The drastic, quick change, the abscentmindedness. All recent and violently different.
She is young, but to me it screamed drug use. I know ... I know!!! NOT MY child!!! Unfortnately, it COULD be your sweet innocent child. I have seen too many nice children from nice loving homes go down this path.
Watch closely. Unfortunately, even invade her privacy, and search her room. Just don't say anything about some of the "other" things you might find. Only confront her if you do find evidence of drugs.
I REALLY hope I am wrong, but the symptoms sure suggest it, to me.
Good luck, hun!
Chuck, who has been there ...
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pattik
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #11 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 4:49pm » |
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Vent away. Your post sounds painfully familiar to me. Your description of Lily sounds like a carbon copy of Jessi. She is now age 20 and started messing up big time around 7th grade. Unfortunately, the bad attitude continued right through high school. We didn't want to give her a complex by over reacting, but we also couldn't ignore things. In her case, it was strictly about attitude, self-esteem issues and shyness in class. In hindsight, I don't think there was anything else that could have been said or done that wasn't tried. One of the best pieces of advice was given to me by her 7th grade science teacher--"sometimes you just have to allow them to fail." If Lily's issues are all about puberty, and you are happy enough with the friends she socializes with, then all you can do is your best. So take heart. Even though my daughter barely graduated high school, she nailed her ACT's big time. It was like a switch was thrown--she now gets straight A's at Whitewater and has been on the deans list. Ya just never know.
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JeffB
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #12 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 5:57pm » |
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on Apr 20th, 2007, 3:55pm, Jonny wrote:| Have Alec Baldwin give her a call |
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I just fell over laughing!
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Brew
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #13 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 6:16pm » |
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Mel - We've kind of gotten used to it in this household. Our son is brilliant (he was reading at a college level at the age of five, and even read the cover of the Enquirer out loud while in line at the grocery store, announcing to the entire store that "Elvis loved kinky sex" ), but he has no interest whatsoever in pleasing teachers. Once he grasps a concept, he wants to move on and will not do any busy work.
We have open-enrolled him for the second time in a virtual school. It is all mastery based. Once you know it you move on. He did 8th grade this way, got all A's and completed 190% of the 8th-grade curriculum, and was finished with his school work by noon every day. No bullshit busy-work homework.
Next year he will be enrolled in the Monroe Virtual High School, and he will be able to take things that interest him: media studies, music theory, music performance (he actually gets credit for playing out with his band), etc.
You might want to look into it. It's too late for the 07-08 year, but the open-enrollment period is always in Feb. for the following school year.
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BarbaraD
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #14 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 6:34pm » |
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Ok, here's Granny's take on things. No one as of yet has solved the mystery of a child's brain.
So she did bad one term.... Sit her down and ask, "What can WE do to get these grades up to passing?" WE is the KEY. Maybe she's not getting enough of the RIGHT kind of attention. Maybe she's got a problem with the teacher. Maybe a whole lot of things. But if you get her to talking..... maybe you'll find out a lot of stuff. Don't blow up -- keep the lines of communication open.
A lot of times when Buddy was that age I wanted to strangle him, but held my breath and counted to ten and we never had a communication problem. He told me a WHOLE lot more than I ever wanted to know. He wasn't the world's brightest student, but he graduated from college and has been a productive member of society since he graduated so that's about all a parent can ask.
But just let her know that you are on HER side and you are there for her. That's the most important thing a parent can do for a child.
Hugs BD
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #15 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 6:44pm » |
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One thing I wanted to add: Don't do anything that might kill Lily's natural curiosity about the world in which she lives. This natural curiosity is the basis for the love of all education. Once learning becomes a drag, it's very difficult to re-kindle that fire.
Forcing her to do things that bore her may do more harm than good. Not always - just sometimes.
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #16 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 7:01pm » |
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i hear you loud and clear melissa...
mines 13 (hard work motherhood...well the birth bit maybe....that i now for a fact...its not as bad as some pains ...but im her father........and im not too sure....if i saw her talk to a boy.........the other day....and i cant sleep.........i think i might mention the facts off life to him...(YOU DONT TOUCH....FACT) ....(or go tell his parents that i have heard...he is not doing enough homework...and his teacher is thinking of mentioning it to you.......HE,HE,HE........
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #17 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 7:46pm » |
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Melissa:
This is my advise to you:
1. Go to school and find out from the teachers why she got those low grades (art, science and social studies). Talk to the teachers in private.
2. Get the input from the good grades classes. You need to know what she does different there than in the other classes.
3. Find out of she is sleeping well at night and if she is eating normaly. Also you mention that she has begun puberty, find out if she feels different because of it and if she is in pain or not.
4. Talk to her. Ask her about her day, her friends, her "love interests". Sometimes kids go through this to get attention.
and above all...
5. Make her feel your love and care. Maybe that is all she needs. We are so busy doing our work and housework than we can sometimes put or children last without even realizing it.
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Melissa
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #18 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 7:47pm » |
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Wow, thanks everyone for the thoughtful, and some scary, advice. After Lily came home, I just mentioned that her report card was on the counter. After I heard her look at it, she came in and sat down on the sofa and said she was sorry. I then started to slowly ask questions, and told her to be completely honest with me, and she was! She doesn't like her Art teacher, she says when she asks the teacher a question, some other student will interrupt and ask a question and the teacher then completely ignores her. I then responded that she needs to speak up! No one got anywhere being quiet, ya know?
Anyway, I did my best to explain the importance of school, gave her some tips and tricks in dealing with teachers and then had her repeat a mantra over and over, and that was "Do my homework and hand it in on time" and say "I need help, I have a question!". It all went really well and I did not scold her at all, understood where she was coming from and helped her as best I could.
As I told her, all her dad and I expect from her is to do her work and hand it in on time. The whole reason for the slips in grades are she wasn't handing in her homework...at all, , and of course problems with the teacher.
Lily is a fantastic kid, I am so proud of her, even if she messed up. She knows that and she IS smart!! Too smart sometimes for her own good, but hopefully after this puberty thing passes, those wits will get her through the REALLY rough times.
oh, and Chuck, I always talk to Lily about that and her friends are just fantastic, I like all the ones I have met so far. The ones that were questionable she found out, on her own I might add, were not true friends. I always told Lil I never trusted her "friends" who didn't look me in the eye or say anything to me. I've always been that way. Anyway, her friends now are very friendly and I trust them.
Thank you all so much again, it is so hard with these preteen and soon teenage years. If she was anything like I was, I'm in for SO much trouble and heartache!
hugs,
me
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JeffB
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #19 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 7:51pm » |
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My daughter had a music teacher that she didn't care for. After meeting him I could understand why. It's good to talk with your kids and most important, listen to them.
Of course if that didn't work, it's a hammer to the little piggy's time.
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" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
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Melissa
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #20 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 7:56pm » |
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LOL, yeah Jeff. I've threatened to ride the bus and go through the day at school with her before. You should have seen her papers that week! STELLAR! 
BTW, Lily is graduating to her Junior Black Belt in Karate on May 18th.
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Melissa
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #21 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 7:59pm » |
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on Apr 20th, 2007, 4:41pm, ClusterChuck wrote:| Watch closely. Unfortunately, even invade her privacy, and search her room. Just don't say anything about some of the "other" things you might find. Only confront her if you do find evidence of drugs. |
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I've done this, randomly, and the only evidence I find is candy bar wrappers. She has an unfortunate sugar problem.
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Jonny
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #22 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 8:00pm » |
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on Apr 20th, 2007, 7:47pm, Melissa wrote:| I always told Lil I never trusted her "friends" who didn't look me in the eye or say anything to me. Anyway, her friends now are very friendly and I trust them. |
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The druggie kids know to look you in the eye and smile.....LOL
Im kidding! 
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
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JeffB
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #23 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 8:00pm » |
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Way cool, Melly! I can't get my kid off the puter let alone get back into dance.
I swear, she has her keyboard smoking when she types. Funny tho, these kids type no more than 3-4 words at a time when they're talking but they do it fofr hours.
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Re: How do you react to that 1st crappy report car
« Reply #24 on: Apr 20th, 2007, 8:35pm » |
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You did great Melly ! As a mother I know how hard it is to not fly off the handle when seeing something so disappointing.
Being able to get her black belt so soon means she has more than enough concentration ability and discipline in her work, she just needs guidance and encouragement.
Teachers at school are very important, they can boost a kids determination to do well or they can crush ones self esteem. Go talk to the teachers and voice your concerns Melly. Tell the Art teacher what Lilly told you. Make sure that she is aware that her actions had affected Lilly negatively. Ask the teachers what they expect Lilly to be able to do and what can they suggest that will help her grades.
Talk to her EVERY day after school about how her day had been. Encourage her to tell you more about what happened during the day rather just " its OK mum ". Sit down with her while she does her homework and ask her questions about what she has learnt, help her along with some that she might find difficult.
Can you afford a tutor for Lilly ? Even for a short time? Learning the TECHNIQUES of how to complete the homework quickly and getting to know what is expected of her for the curriculum helps a great deal and will set her path to better confidence. Often kids are not clear on what they should be learning/doing and waste time on the less important parts of the homework then run out of time.
Can you download her class curriculum from the Net? I do that every year then double check to make sure my kids are up to scratch with what they should be able to do. When and whatever they seem to struggle with, I would then go to the teacher to ask them what can be done.
Take care Melly and a big hug to Lilly.
Annette
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