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ClusterChuck
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For the NEW parents of boys
« on: Apr 11th, 2007, 2:51am » |
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Interesting things when you have sons, like...
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Greenville, North Carolina has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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Paul98
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #1 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 5:42am » |
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Hmmm, Clorox and brake fluid  Out of the vehicle of course. I'm not stoooopid. 
Enjoyed the read.
-P.
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sldrswyfe
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #2 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 8:45am » |
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Chuck,
Not only is that hysterical, it's touching. You should submit that or print it or someting...better than most of the stuff I've read about kids... I'd love to see what your thought are on little girls...
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Langa
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #3 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 9:46am » |
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Very scary reading this... - Having a 12 yo boy in the house now and seeing some of the things he'll do just "for fun or because he was bored" makes me wonder how i'll survive the next few years. Fortunately, Gordon was worse as a youngster (unfortunately for his poor Mom) and can usually pre-empt disasters.
I've been warned that this age is the worst for boys, especially hyperactive boys. Still, I wonder sometimes what the heck was he thinking or was he thinking at all??? I've been told "boys don't think at this age"...LOL
Langa 
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BarbaraD
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #4 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 9:54am » |
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Langa,
12 is good -- just wait till he turns 13 -- something happens during the night between 12 and 13 -- the lobotomy fairy visits... strange - I didn't believe it till it happened.
Hugs BD
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Langa
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #5 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 9:58am » |
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Quote:| the lobotomy fairy visits |
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Good one - And I think she's visited already. 
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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Paul98
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #6 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 10:05am » |
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on Apr 11th, 2007, 9:46am, Langa wrote:Very scary reading this... - Having a 12 yo boy in the house now and seeing some of the things he'll do just "for fun or because he was bored" makes me wonder how i'll survive the next few years. Fortunately, Gordon was worse as a youngster (unfortunately for his poor Mom) and can usually pre-empt disasters.
I've been warned that this age is the worst for boys, especially hyperactive boys. Still, I wonder sometimes what the heck was he thinking or was he thinking at all??? I've been told "boys don't think at this age"...LOL
Langa |
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Wrong! If he were me he would be thinking...Hmmm, I wonder how loud of an explosion I can create without the cops 3-4 mi away getting here in time to see the smoke cloud rising and finding me.
-P.
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Langa
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #7 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 10:12am » |
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on Apr 11th, 2007, 10:05am, Paul98 wrote:
Wrong! If he were me he would be thinking...Hmmm, I wonder how loud of an explosion I can create without the cops 3-4 mi away getting here in time to see the smoke cloud rising and finding me.
-P.
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Didn't you tell me once you almost burned down your house as a kid? Please don't give me a heart attack. By the way, I realized boys don't like to bathe at this age either, and when they tell you they're taking a shower, they're lying.
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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Paul98
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #8 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 10:22am » |
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on Apr 11th, 2007, 10:12am, Langa wrote:
Didn't you tell me once you almost burned down your house as a kid? Please don't give me a heart attack. By the way, I realized boys don't like to bathe at this age either, and when they tell you they're taking a shower, they're lying.
Langa |
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Heck no, I used my mothers pump sprayer and a bucket of gas as a flame thrower I was very careful in my wrecklessness
-P.
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echo
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #9 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 10:24am » |
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on Apr 11th, 2007, 10:12am, Langa wrote:
By the way, I realized boys don't like to bathe at this age either, and when they tell you they're taking a shower, they're lying.
Langa |
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But once they figure out that lots of soap and a wally rub feels really really good your hot water bill spikes!
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George_J
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #10 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 10:39am » |
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Unfortunately, 12 is the upper limit of male maturity. It doesn't get any better. Expect this. Deal with it.
http://www.zug.com/pranks/potato/sport.mov
Best,
George
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Guiseppi
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #11 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 10:52am » |
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I'm 47, and AMAZED at how many of those I remember trying! Clorox and brake fluid....hadn't heard of that one!
Guiseppi
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sldrswyfe
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #12 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 11:41am » |
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I love men and find them amusing....most of the time...I have to agree the maturity level stop at twelve....the frightening thing is I can actually see my HUSBANDS behavior/way of thinking/things he's thought of or actually DONE....the toys are a little different....such as putting my tupperware strainer in the over...when he was "helping" me by unloading the dishwasher  ...and the "What the Hell is that smell???" after turning on the oven...  ...and echo...you said out loud what I was thinking regarding boys and showers....uh...I dont know how much that changes either.....except they share...  ...got to love them...Sherri
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Mosaicwench
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #13 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 2:04pm » |
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on Apr 11th, 2007, 10:12am, Langa wrote:
By the way, I realized boys don't like to bathe at this age either, and when they tell you they're taking a shower, they're lying.
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Until they discover girls . . .then you can't get them OUT of the shower and all of a sudden what product they wash their hair and their gonads with matters more than anything . . . .
I will DESPISE the scent of AXE forever!
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cynjeep89
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #14 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 4:09pm » |
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I can identify with numbers 5, 6 and 18 on the above list thanks to my dogs.
Being the owner of a very active male Doberman who insists on throwing every toy he owns up in the air, I am almost an expert at dodging objects hit by ceiling fans.
I will spare you all the details on #18 but will say that both the Dobie and Doxie have been known to clear rooms.
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Langa
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #15 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 4:32pm » |
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Thanks Echo. I am dreading that already, especially since I have to deal with the early morning wood when waking him up for school  . He already is wearing cologne for the girls. Though his big sister is always quick to remind him how ass funk and cologne don't mix well. Sigh...it's quite an interesting household. LOL
Langa
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JeffB
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #16 on: Apr 11th, 2007, 5:36pm » |
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So let me get this straight. It was wrong of me to get my nephew and his friends to gather tennis balls, soak them in lighter fluid, light the balls, and play extreme tennis? Hmm. Oops!
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sldrswyfe
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #17 on: Apr 13th, 2007, 11:12am » |
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Hey Chuck,
I keep coming back to this post..who would've thought you were such a talented writer...between this and the in between cycles...I think you're on to something...keep up the great work!!! Sherri
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"Great spirits have always found violent
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"I'll DIE on MY FEET, before I LIVE on MY KNEES"...thanks Jonny...that meant alot
"Oh, say does that star spangled banner yet wave?"....Your damn right it does.
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ClusterChuck
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #18 on: Apr 13th, 2007, 1:19pm » |
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on Apr 13th, 2007, 11:12am, sldrswyfe wrote:| who would've thought you were such a talented writer... |
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I wish I could take credit for originating this .. but alas .. my conscience forbids it ... This was sent to me by a relative ... and they were just passing it on too ...
BTW, just in case any of you were wondering ... I NEVER did any of the things listed here ... Most of the things listed, they hadn't invented yet, when I was a kid ... Things like glass ... and electricity ...
Besides, I was a GOOD boy ... Never did anything wrong ...
Chuck
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| « Last Edit: Apr 13th, 2007, 1:19pm by ClusterChuck » |
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midwestbeth
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Re: For the NEW parents of boys
« Reply #19 on: Apr 14th, 2007, 12:20am » |
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Reading this post makes me miss my 21 year old son who is still a 12 year old at heart. I think I'll give him a call right now.
BTW George, I loved the video of the potato gun. Brought back memories of me taking my son to the hardware store to get all the necessities for his 1st potato gun. Still have it in the garage .
Beth
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