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Topic: Gripe Sheets (Read 709 times) |
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Brew
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Gripe Sheets
« on: Mar 28th, 2007, 2:56pm » |
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Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever had a major accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P. Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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Melissa
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LMBO, those are funny!!! 
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Mosaicwench
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #2 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 3:19pm » |
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P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
That one had me spewing coffee all over!
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JeffB
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #3 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 3:23pm » |
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What about Quantas??
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" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
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Brew
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #4 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 3:32pm » |
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on Mar 28th, 2007, 3:23pm, JeffB wrote:
Perhaps it should say, "major American airline...," Mr. Smarty Pants. I just copied and pasted it.
This one item most likely prevented you from finding any humor in it. Am I right?
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Rosybabe
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #5 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 3:38pm » |
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it's very funny and It hit home very close, I had to uncles who are pilots for major airline companies and I send it to them..
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JeffB
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #6 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 3:59pm » |
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on Mar 28th, 2007, 3:32pm, Brewcrew wrote:
Perhaps it should say, "major American airline...," Mr. Smarty Pants. I just copied and pasted it.
This one item most likely prevented you from finding any humor in it. Am I right? |
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lol, Just being a Mr. Smarty pants. lol 
You win, just spit red bull thru my nose! Thanks, Bill.
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" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
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Brew
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #7 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 4:04pm » |
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Good. I was prepared to accuse you of being a Mr. Obsessive-Compulsive Smarty Pants.
Red Bull through the nose hurts.
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andrewjb
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #8 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 6:42pm » |
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 , great. andrew.
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jimmers
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #9 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 7:24pm » |
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on Mar 28th, 2007, 3:23pm, JeffB wrote:
You watched Rainman to many times!
Jimmers
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Charlie
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #10 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 9:20pm » |
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Charlie
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BMoneeTheMoneeMan
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #11 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 9:46pm » |
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on Mar 28th, 2007, 2:56pm, Brewcrew wrote:
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
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That one is my fav. That is hilarious.
on Mar 28th, 2007, 2:56pm, Brewcrew wrote:Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.
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Thats not twue eithew
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"Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool - can't get fooled again"
Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half the population is stupider than that.
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Brew
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #12 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 10:26pm » |
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on Mar 28th, 2007, 9:46pm, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:
It's humor. Work with me.
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Gator
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #13 on: Mar 28th, 2007, 11:47pm » |
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Quote:on Today at 13:56:18, Brewcrew wrote:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. |
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on Mar 28th, 2007, 9:46pm, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:
What's not true? The college to fly or the high school to fix?
I don't know about the major airlines (though I suspect they do require their pilots to be college grads), but I can tell you for a fact that that is the way it is in the Air Force.
You have to be an officer to fly. You have to have a college degree to be an officer.
Any schmuck with a high school diploma and a mechanical aptitude can get into aircraft maintenance and repair.
When I was in the Air Force, some of the maintenance people wore shirts that said "College Education To Break It - High School Education to Fix It." Of course this pissed off the pilots, but it was true.
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BMoneeTheMoneeMan
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #14 on: Mar 29th, 2007, 12:01am » |
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I guess for a US commercial airline you might have to have a college education to fly.
They say more than half of commercial pilots got their training in the military. When you go into the Air Force after high school, you have to get a degree from the Air Force academy or something?
To be a private pilot you dont have to have a college degree. And to get your instrument rating and multi engine and IFR and all the ratings you dont have to have a degree either. Getting a job as a pilot might be different, though
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"Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool - can't get fooled again"
Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half the population is stupider than that.
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Gator
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #15 on: Mar 29th, 2007, 2:56am » |
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on Mar 29th, 2007, 12:01am, BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote:I guess for a US commercial airline you might have to have a college education to fly.
They say more than half of commercial pilots got their training in the military. When you go into the Air Force after high school, you have to get a degree from the Air Force academy or something?
No, the Air Force Academy is basically a college run by the Air Force. You attend for your four years or whatever it takes to get your particular degree and then you enter active duty service as an officer. Not just anyone can get in. You have to meet academic and physical conditioning requirements and be appointed to attend by a senator or congressman or some such. I wanted to attend and met all the requirements, but we were just poor folk in rural Louisiana and didn't know any political people, so that fell through.
I joined the Army National Guard and after almost 3 years transfered to active duty service in the Air Force. If you go into the Air Force without a degree, you are considered an enlisted person and assigned a job and sent to whatever Air Force Base runs that school. I attended the Police Academy was at Lackland AFB, TX. (Graduated top of my class - Distinguished Honor Grad) Other bases house other schools.
People with degrees can enter as enlisted or as officers. They are still sent to whatever base where they are trained in whatever career field they choose. Pilots train at different bases depending on what kind of aircraft they will fly.
To be a private pilot you dont have to have a college degree. And to get your instrument rating and multi engine and IFR and all the ratings you dont have to have a degree either. Getting a job as a pilot might be different, though |
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I thought about getting my private pilot's license while I was in the service, but I never really had time. Once I got out, I never had the money. C'est la vie!
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KingOfPain
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #16 on: Mar 29th, 2007, 7:26am » |
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on Mar 28th, 2007, 11:47pm, Gator wrote:
Any schmuck with a high school diploma and a mechanical aptitude can get into aircraft maintenance and repair.
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WRONG
[as far as NDT maintenance is concerned]
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Nondestructive Testing [NDT]
NDT Certification
http://www.ndt-ed.org/Careers/Certification/Certification.htm
Certification Examinations
Once the education, training and work experience requirements have been met and documented, a certification examination must be taken. The examination process actually includes several exams. For certification to Levels I and II a general, a specific, and a practical, exam must be completed with a passing grade of 70 percent for each exam and a composite grade of 80 percent (determined by averaging the results of the three exams).
To be considered for certification as a Level III an individual must:
1. Have graduated from a university or college with a degree in engineering or science, and have at least one year of experience comparable to that of a Level II in the applicable NDT method(s).
2. Have completed with passing grades at least two years of engineering or science study at a university, college or technical school and have two years of experience comparable to that of a Level II in the applicable NDT method(s).
3. Have four years of experience comparable to that of a Level II in the applicable NDT method(s).
It is important that NDT personnel have good near visual acuity and color vision. Therefore, an eye test must be taken to insure that natural or corrected near distance acuity is acceptable. Depending on which specification the company uses for certification, an individual must be able to read a Jaeger Number 1 (or equivalent) type and size letter at no less than 12 inches (for one eye). Determining contrast of color or shades of gray is also generally required.
*Source: http://www.ndt-ed.org/Careers/Certification/Certification.htm
FAA
http://www.academy.faa.gov/catalog/international/contents%5C22518.html
NDT - A Continuing Responsibility in the Future of Aerospace
Nondestructive testing/evaluation (NDT/E) currently plays a significant role throughout the lifetime of an aircraft. After an aircraft enters service, aging effects brought on by the flight environment, fatigue, or operational extremes may cause faults anomalies to develop. Periodic NDT is required to help quantify these effects and to determine if the aircraft is fit for service. Over time, NDT continues to be an assessment tool until the replacement of the part, or retirement of the entire aircraft.
*Source:http://www.ndt.net/apcndt2001/papers/1205/1205.htm
The American Society For Nondestructive Testing
http://www.asnt.org/certification/certification.htm
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| « Last Edit: Mar 29th, 2007, 7:30am by KingOfPain » |
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Brew
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #17 on: Mar 29th, 2007, 7:30am » |
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Brewcrew's Public Service Announcement:
The next time I have an inkling to post something humorous, somebody please remind me not to. Nothing good can come of it.
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| « Last Edit: Mar 29th, 2007, 7:31am by Brew » |
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alienspacebabe
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #18 on: Mar 29th, 2007, 7:39am » |
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on Mar 29th, 2007, 7:30am, Brewcrew wrote:Brewcrew's Public Service Announcement:
The next time I have an inkling to post something humorous, somebody please remind me not to. Almost
Nothing good can come of it. |
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Fixed it for ya, brew.... 'cause ya made me laugh. several times.
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Brew
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #19 on: Mar 29th, 2007, 7:44am » |
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on Mar 29th, 2007, 7:39am, alienspacebabe wrote:
Fixed it for ya, brew.... 'cause ya made me laugh. several times. |
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Okay - ya got me. 
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KingOfPain
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #20 on: Mar 29th, 2007, 7:49am » |
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"Gripe Sheets"
Actually, it's referred to as a Squawk Sheet.
http://tinyurl.com/2m986l
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We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.
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Kevin_M
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #21 on: Mar 29th, 2007, 8:15am » |
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on Mar 28th, 2007, 2:56pm, Brewcrew wrote:Just in case you need a laugh:
P. Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
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P. Bill's thread running funny.
S: Bill's thread notified to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
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| « Last Edit: Mar 29th, 2007, 8:27am by Kevin_M » |
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Gator
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #22 on: Mar 29th, 2007, 8:29am » |
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Brewster, the post was funny. Thanks for posting it. You can't control the direction a thread will take once you hit "Post." Don't let a few argumentative types (or in this case one person with a grudge on a mission to discredit someone) keep you from posting stuff that most people will enjoy. Some people have no sense of humor no matter what you post. Screw 'em.
That being said...
NOT wrong, Steve. What you posted changes nothing. In fact, it proves my point. You don't have to have a degree.
Did you actually read the list of requirements or did you see degree and say "Gotcha"
As with most jobs, the list indicates education or comparable experience or a combination of the two, as in you need:
1. A degree and 1 year experience as a Level II
OR
2. 2 years of college with passing grades and 2 years experience as a Level II
OR
3. 4 years experience as a Level II
Higher education may be required for higher level positions in some areas, but like I said:
Any schmuck with a high school diploma and a mechanical aptitude can get into aircraft maintenance and repair. So did you make level 3 yet?
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Brew
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #23 on: Mar 29th, 2007, 8:30am » |
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on Mar 29th, 2007, 8:15am, Kevin_M wrote:
P. Bill's thread running funny.
S: Bill's thread notified to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
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Aye, aye, Captain! It appears as though it's been taken care of - SIR!
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KingOfPain
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Re: Gripe Sheets
« Reply #24 on: Mar 29th, 2007, 8:42am » |
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I am stating facts...not some generalization/stereotype.
on Mar 28th, 2007, 11:47pm, Gator wrote:
Any schmuck with a high school diploma and a mechanical aptitude can get into aircraft maintenance and repair.
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Edit to add:
As I stated, as far as NDT is concerned...
Nondestructive testing personnel are often certified by their employer or other agency to meet certain qualifications, which are established by industry.
Certification is basically a process of providing written testimony that an individual is qualified to do certain work. The qualifications of an individual are based on education, level of training, work experience, and the ability to pass a vision test.
http://www.ndt-ed.org/Careers/Certification/Certification.htm
...having only a High School diploma will not get you certified.
Fact.
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| « Last Edit: Mar 29th, 2007, 9:58am by KingOfPain » |
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Arrived August, 1999.
We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.
- Denis Diderot
Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. - Euripides
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