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Topic: Too Open? Yes I am! (Read 340 times) |
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B14CK5H33P
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Circa '92
 
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Too Open? Yes I am!
« on: Mar 25th, 2007, 5:59am » |
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And after what I've endured, I don't give two shreds of solidarity who gives a rotten gerbils ass!
I had a wicked breakdown this past week. Mind you, I care for someone who has a brain injury and is schitzo. While some have fought with me to 'quit' my job because of violent outbursts from my client, I have been very very reluctant to do so, as I take pride in the fact I have held this job down since becoming chronic and losing several jobs.
I have gone from 3 days a week, to five. How I do it, I cannot know. I dread every day, but nothing can fuck with me after what I've been through - including someone twice my size who is literally insane - not kidding.
He tried to pull a knife on me three weeks ago, and I QUIT! However, I got begged back, and until he is placed in a home, I take care of him all week long. It may be a bit insane, but as trent might say, I call it "Survivalism."
I had what is technically termed as a 'nervous breakdown' this week and, as I told my sis in law "Checking into a hospital is not an option right now" - bawling my eyes out on the phone.
I also was told by a close friend I am 'too open' in my blogs. I asked "Why, is reality too heavhy for you? It is for me, but I have no choice in the matter."
So right now, ramped up in heavy cycle, not sleeping again, so immersing myself in work.
I just got an offer to trade "studio services" to record an album professionaly by Ian Baird of The Glare of Day. He has been recording bands in his studio, is a former band member from years ago, and a co-pilot on Satellite11.com - as well as a founder. Basically, I will record my first pro album in his studio, in trade as being a session member on other bands recordings. I am also playing lead guitar on a secret project which I am not allowed to talk about openly until the album is released. Being a poor caveman living in the ghetto - this is an offer I cannot refuse.
So I am channeling every pain I have into my music. I have nothing else left, except the one who begs for me to come home: My Zombie - I trust him more than most humans!
Kosmo Oswald Alexandarr Zombie is the best friend anyone could have!!!!
Peace,
Carl
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My show is Sundays from 7pm - 1am eastern on www.wildbunchradio.com
Reality Is For Those Who Lack Imagination - Ken Olsen (R.I.P.)
Won't give up it wants me dead, Goddamn this noise inside my head -NIN
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ClusterChuck
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Re: Too Open? Yes I am!
« Reply #1 on: Mar 25th, 2007, 6:23am » |
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Hang in there buddy .. You can do it.
Hi Zombie!!!
Chuck
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"No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy."
Thomas Fuller
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Brew
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Re: Too Open? Yes I am!
« Reply #2 on: Mar 25th, 2007, 8:37am » |
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on Mar 25th, 2007, 5:59am, B14CK5H33P wrote:| It may be a bit insane, but as trent might say, I call it "Survivalism." |
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As long as you understand that it is a self-imposed survivalism....
Great looking dog there, Carl. Got any updated pics?
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Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
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chewy
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Dog eat your sheets?
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BB
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Re: Too Open? Yes I am!
« Reply #4 on: Mar 25th, 2007, 8:59am » |
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Hang in there buddy and pour your heart into your music.
All great artists and musicians have more than their fair share of pain, a soul in pain is richer than one without.
My black labrador Happy wants to say hello to Zombie, is Zombie a lab cross terrier? 
Annette
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Rosybabe
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Re: Too Open? Yes I am!
« Reply #5 on: Mar 25th, 2007, 2:41pm » |
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YOu can do it Carl! Hang in there!
That cute little puppy of yours needs you!!
BTW...you need to do some cleaning under your bed...watch out for that puppy..they can eat just about anything right now 
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Charlie
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Re: Too Open? Yes I am!
« Reply #6 on: Mar 25th, 2007, 6:02pm » |
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You're a good guy Carl and you're gonna be all right. So is KOAZ
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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DonnaHar
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Carl....I give you so much credit for trying so hard! We've been here a long time and have seen each other thru some really hard times.
Saying a little prayer for you.
This time, you've got Zombie to cuddle and bring that blood pressure down when things pile up over your head.
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Too Open? Yes I am!
« Reply #8 on: Mar 26th, 2007, 5:14pm » |
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Carl dear....why is someone who is so mentally unstable, around or near or having access, to sharp objects that could put you and himself in such danger?
Sounds like a thorough housecleaning is in order before you go into that place and Chewy got it it before I could....Put some sheets on that bed. 
Quote:| So I am channeling every pain I have into my music. |
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Good plan!!!!!!!!
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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Superpain
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Re: Too Open? Yes I am!
« Reply #9 on: Mar 26th, 2007, 5:20pm » |
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There's no such thing as being too open with us. I find an extraordinary comfort here in times like this for we are the only people that can possibly understand each other. I've been having a pretty hard time lately too. My emotions have been getting stretched thin and it's hard. But I feel so much better having you all here for support. And hopefully you do too!
Hang in there!
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Chris
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fubar
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Re: Too Open? Yes I am!
« Reply #10 on: Mar 27th, 2007, 12:33pm » |
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Carl,
Too Open? Yes, apparantly you are too open for some people.
It may be the people who want to share their plight in the open as you do but cannot or will not, yet they are jealous to see you lay it out there?
or
Maybe it's other people who have plights worse than yours... they deal with it fine and think you're just contstantly whining about your life?
I don't know. I wish I knew you better, 'cause maybe I wouldn't only associate your name with long posts about being depressed about your life. I didn't mean for that to sound harsh, just stating a point of view. Take care of yourself bro.
-Shawn
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"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
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Gator
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Re: Too Open? Yes I am!
« Reply #11 on: Mar 27th, 2007, 1:06pm » |
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on Mar 26th, 2007, 5:20pm, Superpain wrote:There's no such thing as being too open with us. I find an extraordinary comfort here in times like this for we are the only people that can possibly understand each other. I've been having a pretty hard time lately too. My emotions have been getting stretched thin and it's hard. But I feel so much better having you all here for support. And hopefully you do too!
Hang in there! |
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Awww shuddap ya whiner! j/k Chris. Nothin but love, ya know.
Carl, talk to the ones who will listen and don't fret the ones who don't. It can be therapeutic to get it all out. Use whatever avenues you have to do that so it doesn't build up and cause you worse pain than what you're in.
Sorry you are having a rough time of it. Things are rough all over this time of year.  Just keep on keeping on. You'll get through it.
Best wishes, bro.
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DonnaHar
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Re: Too Open? Yes I am!
« Reply #12 on: Mar 27th, 2007, 10:39pm » |
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Gators got the right frame of mind. Yah, Mike!.
Carl.....those that know you love you and think that to vent is to keep control.
Be yourself. Like Dr. Crane, we are listening.
Love you,
Donna H
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