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Topic: The Prodigal Son Returns...pt. 1 (Read 342 times) |
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Cerberus
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The Prodigal Son Returns...pt. 1
« on: Jan 31st, 2007, 11:28am » |
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Greetings all,
Well folks, its been a while to say the least. I thought that when I got home after Davcon, I would know better what to say in this post... however, I am STILL pretty much at a loss for words about what to say. I admit... I am still heart broken over a few things that have happened in the last year. But, I digress.
Its been almost a year since my last post, and I feel that I owe something of an explanation. No, I didn't lose faith in my cluster family, and frankly Davcon was a major factor in the reason for this post.
Where have I been? what have I been doing? and why in the world did I not come here directly when I hit my low point? Honestly I have no valid excuse, except that some of the news I recieved in the last year, sent me reeling something of a downward spiral. I was hit... (not with CH, although I DID experience a short burst of clusters last March...thank the powers that be, it was brief)
Ok so, I left off somewhere about the time I either got or lost the Job I had in Vernon Hills at the high school there. I was terminated from that gig, and in the end my feelings arent real hurt over that whole deal, excluding the fact that it payed pretty good and I lost out on some decent benefits. Outside of that, The job was killing me and its probably a good thing its over... more on this later.
My real issue was merely this... the last year or so, brought with it some really really bad news, and I could probably throw a flag at God for piling on.
Ken (Athos) told me when I visited him that "God will not give you anything that you cannot handle." which I believe is overall pretty much true, however, it does not detract from the fact that even though I can supposedly handle it, it still hurts very much, and I STILL find myself moving through all the stages of grief sometimes very slowly. So, pile the news of his passing, the passing of several of our cluster family( i.e. Brian Y. , Bob and Judy, Ken, Forgetfulnot) The loss of my job at the time, our financial problems resulting from that loss, Illnesses causing Woobie and I to miss work (about a months worth between us) and the sudden passing of my beloved car (of which there seems to be only one logical explanation for) I pretty much went into sensory overload, and all communications shut down and I found myself needing time to sort it all out. combine that with grief, shock and lack of what to say, and a heaping helping of anger, and the oppressive holiday season and well... nuff said, again, I was "hit" so to speak.
I've spent a great deal of time ruminating on these events, and even though I really had no control over any of them...it did not diminish the pain in my heart. I now have come to some sort of acceptance. I arrived here through a "therapeutic" proccess of throwing all of my energy into a project about which I will describe later. But for now, this...
To: Jody and the rest of Ken's Family,
I am sorry for not having come here and posting my condolances sooner, the news of Ken's passing hit me hard to the very roots of my soul. I still move between acceptance and grief with a startling regularity. The time I spent with you in Arizona was one that has enriched my life greatly, I will never forget it, and I hold you all very dear in my heart. I know the pain of losing my father, and I wish I could say that over time the pain diffuses but it really doesn't. Kira and Connor... You meant the world to your daddy, he put you on a pedestal so high, you could get a nose bleed trying to get to the top, and aside from Jody and your older sisters, there were none other that he loved more than you, except for maybe God.
Ken was an inspiration for me, not because of anything in particular, but one of the things that stands out is his unwavering love of life, his incredible creativity, and his refusal to give up. Jody in spite of any troubles you two encountered in your marriage... know this, he loved you with all his heart, he had for you the kind of love, that poets and playwrites incorporate into the most classic of tales. True Romeo and Juliet caliber love... many people search their whole lives for that kind of love and even if you dont realize it... that is the kind of love he had for you. I express my deepest heart felt sympathies, and know that I do/will miss him forever. I seriously dont feel that anything I say can sufficiently express how large a hole is left in my heart by his passing. My apologies for not having said anything sooner, for I honestly could not, until now.
Ramon
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thomas
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Re: The Prodigal Son Returns...pt. 1
« Reply #1 on: Jan 31st, 2007, 11:48am » |
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Welcome back, bro. Twas good to see you this weekend.
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Religion and sex are powerplays. Manipulate the people for the money they pay. Selling skin, selling God, the numbers look the same on their credit cards. Triptans cause rebounds. Learn it, believe it, live it. I use triptans as the absolute LAST RESORT when treating my CH.
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Brew
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Re: The Prodigal Son Returns...pt. 1
« Reply #2 on: Jan 31st, 2007, 11:52am » |
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I'd say welcome back as well, 'cept for me it was like you weren't really gone - but that's because of my circumstances. I've been a member since 2003, but I didn't really start posting until about a year ago. Anyways, that's my problem, not yours.
It was great to reconnect this past weekend. Let me know if you want to bring your gee-tar up to one of the best setup men around.
Bill
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JDH
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Re: The Prodigal Son Returns...pt. 1
« Reply #3 on: Jan 31st, 2007, 12:00pm » |
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on Jan 31st, 2007, 11:48am, thomas wrote:| Welcome back, bro. Twas good to see you this weekend. |
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a big HUGE ditto to that!
If you ever need/want to talk you can give me a call anytime.
Jim
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It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.
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BobG
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Re: The Prodigal Son Returns...pt. 1
« Reply #4 on: Jan 31st, 2007, 12:34pm » |
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Good to see you back, Ramon. And thanks for sharing your letter to Jody and the rest of Ken's Family.
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Edna
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Re: The Prodigal Son Returns...pt. 1
« Reply #5 on: Jan 31st, 2007, 1:06pm » |
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Hugs a thousand fold headed your way Ramon.
Takes courage do get where you've come to, and I'm glad you're here !
My wish is that you continue to heal, and that you take us along for the ride with you. That's what family is for. But, in the meantime, when you can't be here with us...........at least know you're always here in my heart!!!!!
Don't worry Woobs, that goes for you too. 
Welcome back home friend,
EDNA
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sandie99
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Re: The Prodigal Son Returns...pt. 1
« Reply #6 on: Jan 31st, 2007, 1:34pm » |
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Welcome back!!! 
PF wishes,
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Jackie
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Re: The Prodigal Son Returns...pt. 1
« Reply #7 on: Jan 31st, 2007, 4:46pm » |
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Hi Sweetie.....good to see you posting.
Been wondering where you were.
Ya know.....things have a way of working out....and usually like they are supposed to. Don't always understand it but seems to be the way it is.
'
Sure sorry we didn't get to see you all this past weekend... 
Now.....don't be a stranger and get you dobber up....
Bunch of love and hugs to you....
Jackie
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Charlie
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Re: The Prodigal Son Returns...pt. 1
« Reply #8 on: Jan 31st, 2007, 6:45pm » |
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That was pretty damned good Ramon.
It was pretty damned good seeing you post too. 
Things are as they should be.
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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