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Topic: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!! (Read 510 times) |
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Jayne
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Pull my finger!
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Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« on: Jan 26th, 2007, 2:00pm » |
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Last week I was in bed. I had taken all my meds and was ready to settle to sleep. After a while I was just about to drop to sleep when my eyes SHOT open.
Pure fear enveloped me.
I could hear someone in my room in the dark wheezing.
I couldn't see anyone, but I could hear him. "He must be wheezing due to the effort it took to break in" I thought.
I knew he was just standing there looking down at my bed, contemplating how he was to defile me.
I was petrified.....in a nano-second my mind was remembereing any self defense class I have ever taken.
"Balls, throat, ballls" was my mantra.
I needed to know where he was in my room...so I stopped breathing to hear better.......
He stopped wheezing........CLEVER BASTARD...he knows when I stop breathing....so he stops breathing.....Geez...just how close is he.....
I was just about to make a run for it...when..reality hit me.
It was me I could hear....I had a whistling booger.
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If you haven't laughed today, it's been a wasted day. 
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Racer1_NC
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #1 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 2:25pm » |
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Jayne, this is Jimi. Your story is cracking us up up here in Davenport. Everyone is wanting to see you again. You gonna have to make this happen. See you in a couple of weeks.
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"Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime."
Eventus stultorum magister.
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echo
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Chronic and still alive --- I Win!
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #2 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 2:40pm » |
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Awesome!!!!!
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
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Gator
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #3 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 2:48pm » |
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ROFLMAO!!! You're in a class by yourself, Jayne.
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Tara Ann
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It's always darkest before the dawn.
 
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #4 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 2:58pm » |
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OMFG toooooooooooooooo Funny!!!!!!!!!!!!
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http://www.myspace.com/taraann77
 
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Chillrmn1
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #5 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 5:48pm » |
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LOL! 
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E-Double
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Are we ourselves?
 
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #6 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 7:21pm » |
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another classic
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
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andrewjb
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when the love of power becomes the power of love !
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #7 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 7:28pm » |
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 . this had me looking for my cricket bat. . andrew.
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jimmers
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Hello GOD! The gene pool needs some chlorine!
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #8 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 7:31pm » |
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Thanks Jayne!
I just found out that if I was ever legless, I could walk using my ass cheeks. Ya Goofball 
Jimmers
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #9 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 7:53pm » |
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Jayne, I knew that my comment in another post about Ben Gay and you...would bring you out of the closet. (well so to speak)
Happy you decided to come check in on us girl. How's your pool game? 
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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nani
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #10 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 8:41pm » |
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LMAO...
Good to see ya, Jayne. Mooshie sends her love.
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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Ree
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #11 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 10:24pm » |
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lolol thanks for the laugh...love ree
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Proud Mom to US ARMY Kiowa OH58 PILOT~CWO2 SCOTT Hawaii, & USMC Vet~Now POLICE OFFICER SEAN, Citizen of the Month~ Breezy~ Nana 4 Matt/Mike&Aya, MIL To Shino Wife to Dave HI BILL!http://www.myspace.com/dungareespocket http://www.prohawaiian.com
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Charlie
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #12 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 11:14pm » |
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Quote:| It was me I could hear....I had a whistling booger. |
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Wow. You too?
Had one of them once. Good eatin' though 
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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cateyes
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welcome to my crazy world wanna take a 5 min ride?
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #13 on: Jan 26th, 2007, 11:19pm » |
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OMG I have tears IN MY EYES from laughing so hard....
Thanks for the fun
Tammy
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shadows stalker...have ya seen him? he is running from the duct tape..someone grab him for me please..
KISSES,CATEYES
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Donna_D.
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #14 on: Jan 27th, 2007, 1:10am » |
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After reading that story I don't ever want to hear you complain about my snoring ever, ever again!
I sure do miss you!!
DD
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kimmiedawn81
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Stuck in the middle with you!
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #15 on: Jan 27th, 2007, 11:30am » |
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I miss all of your stories like that! You're too funny!
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PollyPocket
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Someone I am is waiting for my courage.
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #16 on: Jan 27th, 2007, 12:46pm » |
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This had me laughin' so hard I SNORKED! ROFL---
S N O R K
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“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.” - Stacey Charter
"If I don't remember it happening, it never happened. " - Tori
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B14CK5H33P
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Circa '92
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #17 on: Jan 27th, 2007, 6:04pm » |
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Now THAT'S too funny!!!
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My show is Sundays from 7pm - 1am eastern on www.wildbunchradio.com
Reality Is For Those Who Lack Imagination - Ken Olsen (R.I.P.)
Won't give up it wants me dead, Goddamn this noise inside my head -NIN
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HappyElaine
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #18 on: Jan 27th, 2007, 9:17pm » |
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Thats funny Jayne! but not as funny as your ben gay story !
I laugh about that a lot to this day!
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Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours.
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BlueMeanie
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #19 on: Jan 29th, 2007, 7:22pm » |
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LMAO.
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JeffB
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Wide open till you see God, then brake
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #20 on: Jan 29th, 2007, 7:40pm » |
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Nice, very, very nice!
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" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
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Woobie
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Re: Wheezing Intruder In My House!!!! TRUE STORY!!
« Reply #21 on: Jan 31st, 2007, 4:32am » |
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HEY JAYNE!
We were crackin up at DavCon about this story! And we were talking about how funny you are... and how we'd LOVE to get you and Helen together.... I bet that would be a very memorable experience!
I hope you show up in Richmond - would LOVE to see you again and hear some more stories!
smooches
woobs
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