Author |
Topic: Need suggestions - not CH related (Read 330 times) |
|
Sandy_C
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Burn that bra!
Gender: 
Posts: 2585
|
 |
Need suggestions - not CH related
« on: Jan 24th, 2007, 3:57pm » |
 Quote  Modify
|
As I posted quite a while ago, my employer had a stroke last February. Things were tough for awhile, since there are only the two of us running this business. He came back, and really improved very well, although, never quite back to "normal".
In the last couple of months, I've noticed him slipping back, although nothing I could pinpoint as having another stroke, even a mini-stroke. But, he was having trouble sleeping at night, was prescribed Lunesta, which still didn't help him.
Last Thursday, I took him out for his annual birthday lunch (my treat). We went to the usual restaurant and ordered the usual food, steamed shrimp, fries, slaw, and a Bud Lite. We have been doing this for over 10 years.
When the food came, he picked up one of the steamed (mind you, key word here is "steamed" )shrimp with his fork, dipped it in the hot sauce and popped it in to his mouth. He then spit it back on to his plate and picked shrimp shell out of his mouth. He apparently forgot that steamed shrimp comes in the shell, and you have to peel it before you eat it. I mentioned this to him, and even demonstrated how to peel a shrimp, to no avail. He then tried peeling his shrimp with his knife, cutting it in half, everything, but still ate shell. He gave up and wouldn't eat anything (no fries, no slaw, no nothing), and fell asleep at the table.
On Monday his wife drove him in to the office around 9:30 AM. He sat at his desk and slept until he called her at 10:30 to come and pick him up. Same thing in the afternoon, came in one hour, slept, then went home. Tuesday, he was here a whole 30 minutes, which he slept through. Today, he came in around 1:30 PM, and seemed more alert, until I tried to talk to him about a project. Nothing I said connected in his mind - nothing - things that he has known for over 30 years, he no longer knows.
I'm sorry - this is long - but getting longer.
I'm only the "employee" in his wife's mind, yet normally, when he is healthy, I spend more time with this man than she does. I know when something is wrong with him. I have already tried to suggest to wife and his 3 adult children that they should look in to the meds he is taking, when he's taking them, etc. They thank me for my suggestion, say it's a good idea, yet nothing happens. He's brought to the office where I'm supposed to "watch/babysit" him, then he's brought back home again when he's had enough.
Need suggestion on how do I get it through to his family that this man can no longer function in his business. How do I impress on them that this man, who owns a multi-million dollar business, is dying right before my eyes. How do I explain to them that if he cannot function here, at his business, the income they enjoy is about to cease, as will my income.
I am working 60 hrs per week. I'm 60 years old, and at this age, not likely to find another job that will pay me as handsomely as this one, so, I most definitely am biased. But, I've also worked for this man for over 17 years, and it's breaking my heart to see this happening.
How do I approach his family and tell them what's really going on? Or, it it possible that they know what is going on, but just not bringing me in to the loop?
Thanks
Sandy
|
| « Last Edit: Jan 24th, 2007, 4:00pm by Sandy_C » |
 IP Logged |
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
|
|
|
tanner
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Adopt a POW/MIA I have
 
Gender: 
Posts: 2449
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #1 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 4:10pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Yikes Sandy, I have tried to put myself in your shoes and can't come up with anything useful if the family is not willing to open up to you.
Is there any way that you can do an "end run" around them?
Speak to a partner (if there is one) or send a note anonymously to his health care provider. It sounds like the Family either knows something you don't or they are just plain ignorant! I would be wanting a new brain scan to check for progression of lesions as well as a careful look at his meds.
Sorry that this is happening to you and your friend/boss 
Wishing you the best....Tim
|
|
IP Logged |
I AM THE MASTER OF MY MIND, MY BODY, AND MY EMOTIONS...
it's just my head that sucks...http://www.centerforlit.com/
|
|
|
marlinsfan
New Board Hall of Famer
I love this place!
Gender:
Posts: 876
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #2 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 4:10pm » |
Quote Modify
|
That's a tough one, Sandy....
Tell the family you are going away for a long weekend and will miss 2 or 3 days off work, and that you recommend that either one of them go to work with your boss, or that he stay home during that time.
If one of the adult children see with their own eyes how dad is falling apart, they may react.
Just a thought. I'm sure others will chime in with more creative ideas....
Good luck.
Jose
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
karma
New Board Hall of Famer
I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
Gender:
Posts: 857
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #3 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 4:13pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Sandy,
does he have other family?
Brothers, Sisters, Couisns?
If his own family won't or can't see it maybe they will listen to someone else.
Can you talk to his doc?
Careful though your concern, even if it's well intended can be seen to be .... well meddling in things that shouldn't concern you.
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Jonny
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Give me a shovel Ill dig my own grave!
Gender:
Posts: 26213
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #4 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 4:13pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Show them your post!.....it shows you care!
|
|
IP Logged |
It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
|
|
|
artonio7
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Home since 11/18/06
Gender:
Posts: 2034
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #5 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 4:20pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Sandy,
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Yes I know that he's your employer but after 17 years it's probably a safe bet to use the term friend.
Since you've already approached his family with your concerns about your friend and they shlufed you off. You might consider asking to have your salary doubled. That usually gets more attention. Of course they'll ask you to justify your request. This will give you an opportunity to further express your concerns. From what I understand from your post... at this point you are running the business. It would be in their best interest to pay attention to you.
I don't suggest that you use this as an opportunity to take advantage of this family. I couldn't imagine anyone doing that to a friend or their loved ones. But maybe this is the only approach they can understand.
with warm regards,
Tony
|
|
IP Logged |
Hope! http://artonio7.com
CH Pain Calendar Free Download
For artwork
|
|
|
Brew
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Low Four!
Gender:
Posts: 6515
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #6 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 4:41pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Get some video of him and show it to the family. Pictures speak louder than words.
I don't mean to sound crass, but it could be that they're hoping for him to kick it, and they'd rather it happen on your watch. Just a shot in the dark.
|
|
IP Logged |
Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
|
|
|
Jackie
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Go For It!!!
Gender:
Posts: 2963
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #7 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 6:04pm » |
Quote Modify
|
That's a tough one, Sandy...
Is there a chance you know his doctor? Maybe you could put a bug in the doctor's ear....on the sly, of course....or even a nurse. They won't disclose anything to you but they might listen....
Jackie
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Lost_in_cluster
New Board Newbie
Live_laugh_love
Gender:
Posts: 20
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #8 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 7:15pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Sandy
Is he able to awakened? If he concerns you when you wake him another thing you could do that shows you are concerned for his safety is to call the hospital emergency room. Have them come and take him in and check him out. This will trigger the family into gear that there is a definite problem and you are concerned. I being a nurse would turn to that if I couldn't get family to listen something is wrong with medication or the man is having mini strokes. Best wishes to you in this situation please keep us all posted.
|
| « Last Edit: Jan 25th, 2007, 7:18pm by Lost_in_cluster » |
IP Logged |
Dance as though no one is watching you, Love as though you have never been hurt before, Sing as though no one can hear you, Live as though heaven is on earth. -souza
|
|
|
Jonny
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Give me a shovel Ill dig my own grave!
Gender:
Posts: 26213
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #9 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 7:20pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Jan 24th, 2007, 7:15pm, Lost_in_cluster wrote:
Nope, no way, aint gonna do it....Damn!!
|
|
IP Logged |
It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
|
|
|
Charlie
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Happy to be here
   
Gender:
Posts: 14968
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #10 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 7:38pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Perhaps let him screw up some little stuff that isn't dangerous to him or the business but that might make his family think twice. Nothing nasty but let them know what may happen without your looking after him.
It's an idea, not sure if I could pull it off.
Charlie
|
|
IP Logged |
There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
|
|
|
JeffB
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Wide open till you see God, then brake
Gender:
Posts: 2729
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #11 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 7:51pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Jan 24th, 2007, 7:20pm, Jonny wrote:
Nope, no way, aint gonna do it....Damn!!
|
|
Jonny, I commend you sir on your self control.
But I also would start being creative with the books if given the chance. Sounds like you care more than his family.
|
|
IP Logged |
" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
|
|
|
Sandy_C
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Burn that bra!
Gender:
Posts: 2585
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #12 on: Jan 25th, 2007, 1:10pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Thanks to all for your replies. It's nice to know that there is somebody out there I can let off steam with.
It's not that his family doesn't care - they really do. His two daughters live in DC. His son lives locally. The son and one of the daughters want him to go to Duke Hospital and get under the care of one doctor who will oversee all of the other doctors treating him. That way, all prescribed meds have to be coordinated. His wife has faith in his local doctors, who keep telling her that there's nothing "really" wrong, he's just run down...here take this pill. He's not sleeping...here take this pill. His biliruben (sp) count is high...here take this pill. His blood is too thick...here take this pill. So, he's taking at least 10 or 11 different pills every day, and none of the doctors knows what the other one is prescribing. The man if OVERMEDICATED for God's sake!
In my opinion, the major problem is tht this man has always been "in charge". He is a micromanager and must either do it himself, or stand right over my shoulder if I do it. He cannot let go. As to the suggestion that I allow him to make a few mistakes around the office then show them to the family. Have done that, on more occasions that I would like. Example - bank deposit. We received check for $25,000.00 and change. He wrote the deposit for $12,000.00 and change ($13,000.00 is not a small scale booboo). Wrote a check to place an ad in a trade magazine for $1,500.00 MORE than the ad cost (I caught that one before it went out). Address on the envelope read: NCADA
February 2 2007
2008 NCACADA Membership Directory, NC
As far as "creative bookkeeping". I won't "cook" the books, that's just not in me. But, I am paid a base salary monthly, with a healthy bonus at the end of the year. I told the son yesterday, that I would like to re-calculate my monthly payroll check to reflect the TOTAL annual income I received last year, not just the base salary. Since bossman is so incapacitated, there is no guarantee that he will be here at the end of the year, no guarantee that the business will be here at the end of the year. I want/need that income, so I want to take it now on a monthly basis. Seems fair to me, seemed more than fair to the son. Haven't tried the subject on bossman or the rest of his family, because, frankly, I don't think he/they will understand it at all. We'll see.
In the meantime, every dark cloud DOES have a silver lining! I started my cycle on New Year's Eve, and between my seeds, and this stress, and lack of sleep, I haven't had more than a teensy shadow in almost two weeks! Stress is GOOD! 
Again, thanks for being here for me.
Love ya all
Sandy
|
|
IP Logged |
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
|
|
|
Mattrf
New Board Hall of Famer
Thank god for my wife and kids who keep me alive.
Gender:
Posts: 817
|
|
Re: Need suggestions - not CH related
« Reply #13 on: Jan 25th, 2007, 4:34pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Sandy I think you have it nailed, the poor man is probably over medicated and the interactions of the medications are making him into a zombie.
The family should get him under the care of a single doctor that knows everything he is taking and get rid of the stuff he doesn’t need and the ones that don’t play nice together.
You are in a rough spot and my hart goes out to you and him, you have to know that he is in there somewhere and not happy about not being in control since he had always been in control in the past like you said.
Any chance you can get a list of all the medications he is on and get that to one doctor to see what he thinks?
Matt
|
|
IP Logged |
There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Home
Help
Search
Members
Member Map
Login
Register
Reply
Notify of replies
Send Topic
Print
test rss