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Topic: Since I havent been around.... (Read 318 times) |
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medic1852
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Since I havent been around....
« on: Jan 24th, 2007, 3:38pm » |
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Since I havent been around, even though I do drop by and read some of the threads I figured I would share a funny!
Here is a list of reasons men should not be allowed in Wall Mart!
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that he go with
her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in
and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to
her from the store.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban
both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our
video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are
listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Walmart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
'Code 3' in housewares... and watched what happened.
5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.
6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.
8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him him, he begins to cry
and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.
10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.
11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.
12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.
13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And last, but not least ....
15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Rodger 
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tanner
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Re: Since I havent been around....
« Reply #1 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 4:14pm » |
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Thanks for the chuckle Rodg 
How about a quick: are you, your wife and the kids ok note?
Miss ya Bro.........Tim
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I AM THE MASTER OF MY MIND, MY BODY, AND MY EMOTIONS...
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medic1852
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Re: Since I havent been around....
« Reply #2 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 5:40pm » |
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My Amy~Do is just fine. The Hogs....Well they are wild as usual!
Rodger
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chewy
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Re: Since I havent been around....
« Reply #3 on: Jan 24th, 2007, 6:29pm » |
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Quote:Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals.
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ROFL>>>>>>>>>>>I love it!
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Woobie
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Re: Since I havent been around....
« Reply #4 on: Jan 25th, 2007, 12:43am » |
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on Jan 24th, 2007, 3:38pm, medic1852 wrote:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
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i've done this. this is fun!
you must do this when it's REALLy busy.. like the saturday afternoon before Christmas is good.
but - now they put the condems behind the counter.... bastards!
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artonio7
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Re: Since I havent been around....
« Reply #5 on: Jan 25th, 2007, 2:14am » |
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on Jan 25th, 2007, 12:43am, Woobie wrote:
i've done this. this is fun!
you must do this when it's REALLy busy.. like the saturday afternoon before Christmas is good.
but - now they put the condems behind the counter.... bastards!
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LMAO
Oh that was good.
Reminds me of when I was a kid. Susan, friend of mine used to rip on her mom all the time. She hated going grocery shopping with her... so one day while her mom wasn't looking she put bananas in her moms purse... when she went to check out and pay... naturally she had to open her purse. The cashier called the manager... they both ended up laughing their asses off.
So the next day at school during lunch Susan opened her Lunch Bag only to find it was filled with the chicken bones of the previous night's dinner.
Ahhh, I'll never forget the look on her face.
with warm regards,
Tony
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zwibbs/Scott
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Re: Since I havent been around....
« Reply #6 on: Jan 25th, 2007, 4:57am » |
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It is really good to hear from you Rodger !!
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LeLimey
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Re: Since I havent been around....
« Reply #7 on: Jan 25th, 2007, 6:06am » |
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Woobs I've done the condom thing too - its great fun! They aren't behind the counters here yet so come and visit and we can go for broke in the supermarkets!
My piece de resistance was KY jelly in a priests (think he was Catholic) basket but its a LOT of fun when you get the fella's who troll supermarkets chatting up women and add a few packets of tampons to their trolley. They don't work out what's cramping their style til they get to the checkout!
Now Rodgie - you may think you got away with going AWOL but I'm not a happy Helen 
you've left it far too long and you must be punished! This time its serious though and there'll be no more chastising from me and Langa 'cos you bloody well like it too much
This time it's a week at the Chewy house of correction.. and may God have mercy on your soul!
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Tara Ann
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Re: Since I havent been around....
« Reply #8 on: Jan 25th, 2007, 5:24pm » |
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I've not really talked ya medic, but I remember reading threads from or commented on by you........... so ya post a funny then run??? huh huh huh? Don't think that's gonna be tolerated! Esp by Helen! 
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B14CK5H33P
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Circa '92
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Re: Since I havent been around....
« Reply #9 on: Jan 25th, 2007, 6:43pm » |
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I did the condoms thing a zillion times... just don't let anyone catch you doing it! 
But... if you REALLY want to mess with one of the clerks' heads...
Take a shopping cart. Fill it with KY, Vaseline, Turkey basters, spatulas and condoms. When you get to the register, you WILL see a shocked look from whoever is ringing up the items... especially when you reach for your wallet and say, "Oh No! I forgot my wallet! Daddy's gonna be pissed!" 
Good ta see ya Rodger,
Carl D
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Reality Is For Those Who Lack Imagination - Ken Olsen (R.I.P.)
Won't give up it wants me dead, Goddamn this noise inside my head -NIN
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