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Topic: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended... (Read 453 times) |
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B14CK5H33P
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Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« on: Jan 20th, 2007, 2:47pm » |
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I am dead serious. Do not read further if you are easily offended. If you are offended by anything on this list...
Not for the humour-less.
Courtesy of my buddy Jakester:
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
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My show is Sundays from 7pm - 1am eastern on www.wildbunchradio.com
Reality Is For Those Who Lack Imagination - Ken Olsen (R.I.P.)
Won't give up it wants me dead, Goddamn this noise inside my head -NIN
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no-one
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #1 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 4:04pm » |
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very funny  but there is a joke section, don't you think it would fit better there??????
PF
b
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| « Last Edit: Jan 20th, 2007, 4:05pm by no-one » |
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"Be who you are and say what you feel...Because those that matter....don't mind....And those that mind....don't matter."
Man is what he believes. Anton Chekhov
Unless you believe, you will not understand.
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B14CK5H33P
New Board Old Timer
Circa '92
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #2 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 4:52pm » |
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on Jan 20th, 2007, 4:04pm, no-one wrote:very funny but there is a joke section, don't you think it would fit better there??????
PF
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Probably, but not everyone visits the joke section, and I'm sure someone visiting this board could use a laugh.
Peace,
Carl D
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My show is Sundays from 7pm - 1am eastern on www.wildbunchradio.com
Reality Is For Those Who Lack Imagination - Ken Olsen (R.I.P.)
Won't give up it wants me dead, Goddamn this noise inside my head -NIN
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sailpappy
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #3 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 5:02pm » |
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 Carl,
Still one sick dude, Funny, but sick! I Like It!
LMAOROTF Pappy
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Charlotte
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #4 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 5:08pm » |
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What! No part IV?
We liked the Italian speach impediment (what, what, I can't understand the words!), and the harley/vacuum jokes the best.
Least fav - cotton balls. Huh?
Thanks for some good laughs.
Charlotte
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| « Last Edit: Jan 20th, 2007, 5:11pm by Charlotte » |
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tanner
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #5 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 5:27pm » |
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ROTFLMFAO and deeply offended ....Tim
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #6 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 5:42pm » |
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Well that raised a titter in middle England
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PollyPocket
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #7 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 6:19pm » |
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Not offended and LMAO!
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Jonny
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #8 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 7:41pm » |
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on Jan 20th, 2007, 4:04pm, no-one wrote:very funny but there is a joke section, don't you think it would fit better there??????
PF
b |
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You say your an adult, right?
Shouldnt you shut the fuck up and let DJ moderate this site?
Who the fuck are you to tell anyone anything?
I dont see you here everyday helping people.....why the fuck should you have a say in anything?
Shuffle along little girl.......your opinion is not needed!
BTW....Your a kid, I talked to Becky!!
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Charlie
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #9 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 9:40pm » |
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Funny Stuff
Charlie
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no-one
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #10 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 9:48pm » |
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on Jan 20th, 2007, 7:41pm, Jonny wrote:
You say your an adult, right?
Shouldnt you shut the fuck up and let DJ moderate this site?
Who the fuck are you to tell anyone anything?
I dont see you here everyday helping people.....why the fuck should you have a say in anything?
Shuffle along little girl.......your opinion is not needed!
BTW....Your a kid, I talked to Becky!!
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Sorry Jonny but you are worng I am not Felicia, it is me. Why would I let someone else post under my name
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"Be who you are and say what you feel...Because those that matter....don't mind....And those that mind....don't matter."
Man is what he believes. Anton Chekhov
Unless you believe, you will not understand.
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B14CK5H33P
New Board Old Timer
Circa '92
Gender:
Posts: 346
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #11 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 10:07pm » |
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Sorry No One but...
I just laughed my ass off for ten minutes.
Why?
It wasn't the jokes that turned out to be offensive - but where they were placed.
Now THAT'S funny!
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My show is Sundays from 7pm - 1am eastern on www.wildbunchradio.com
Reality Is For Those Who Lack Imagination - Ken Olsen (R.I.P.)
Won't give up it wants me dead, Goddamn this noise inside my head -NIN
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chewy
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #12 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 10:18pm » |
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Quote:very funny but there is a joke section, don't you think it would fit better there??????
PF
b |
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AWW. Look! A baby troll.
I was almost offended till I saw this one.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
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| « Last Edit: Jan 20th, 2007, 10:19pm by chewy » |
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froggy
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #13 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 10:47pm » |
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Bleepin' halarious!
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froggy
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DonnaHar
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Re: Do NOT Open If Easily Offended...
« Reply #14 on: Jan 20th, 2007, 10:50pm » |
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I am SO offended........got anymore?
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