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Topic: Holiday Eating Tips (Read 251 times) |
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BarbaraD
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Holiday Eating Tips
« on: Dec 7th, 2006, 7:43am » |
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This is great...lol
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to
turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor
Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a
ride!"
See you all at the holiday parties
Hugs BD
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| « Last Edit: Dec 7th, 2006, 7:44am by BarbaraD » |
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vietvet2tours
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips
« Reply #1 on: Dec 7th, 2006, 9:26am » |
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If there is likker be sure and get enough so that it enhances your personality.
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George_J
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips
« Reply #2 on: Dec 7th, 2006, 11:09am » |
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on Dec 7th, 2006, 7:43am, BarbaraD wrote:
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
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I believe there are actually only a few fruitcakes in the world. I think they are passed from one place to another, year after year, and no one actually eats them.
Best,
George
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Ah! The foreigners put on such airs
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The pain they inspire
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It all comes to light in the sheer
Debonair.
(Ellen)
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JeffB
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips
« Reply #3 on: Dec 7th, 2006, 11:14am » |
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I will be having x-mas dinner in the nude with a full size picture of Helen sitting across from me this year. 
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" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
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Charlotte
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips
« Reply #4 on: Dec 7th, 2006, 11:44am » |
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Jeffie, Jeffie, Jeffie.
c
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roy21302
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips
« Reply #5 on: Dec 7th, 2006, 11:50am » |
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on Dec 7th, 2006, 11:14am, JeffB wrote:| I will be having x-mas dinner in the nude with a full size picture of Helen sitting across from me this year. |
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Is that to put you off Jeff, stop you eating all those calories, good thinking!!! 
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Charlotte
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips
« Reply #6 on: Dec 7th, 2006, 11:50am » |
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on Dec 7th, 2006, 11:09am, georgej wrote:
I believe there are actually only a few fruitcakes in the world. I think they are passed from one place to another, year after year, and no one actually eats them.
Best,
George |
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I like fruit cake. Pour brandy on the top each day for a week, and then eat it.
Charlotte
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Gator
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips
« Reply #7 on: Dec 7th, 2006, 12:03pm » |
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on Dec 7th, 2006, 11:09am, georgej wrote:
I believe there are actually only a few fruitcakes in the world. I think they are passed from one place to another, year after year, and no one actually eats them.
Best,
George |
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When I was in the Army, I got ahold of a ration with a small fruitcake in it. I put it on an ant hill - even the ants wouldn't eat it.
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Charlie
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips
« Reply #8 on: Dec 7th, 2006, 2:02pm » |
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Quote:| When I was in the Army, I got ahold of a ration with a small fruitcake in it. I put it on an ant hill - even the ants wouldn't eat it. |
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Add Glogg and you will eat anything until you pass out.
Charlie 
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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