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Topic: Thanks for the emails... (Read 275 times) |
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Jimi
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Who loves ya baby!
 
 
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Thanks for the emails...
« on: Nov 25th, 2006, 10:49pm » |
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I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put
"Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face....disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a
friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day....
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. 
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I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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What Goes Around Comes Around!
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Re: Thanks for the emails...
« Reply #1 on: Nov 26th, 2006, 7:18am » |
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Thanks for the early morning chuckle - but this
Quote:| A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse |
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created a coffee stain on my screen! Too funny!
Carol
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Yorky
CH.com Alumnus
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learn to meditate (or just sit & do nowt)
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Re: Thanks for the emails...
« Reply #2 on: Nov 26th, 2006, 8:15am » |
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today is a gift.....thats why it is called the
present.
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cateyes
New Board Veteran
welcome to my crazy world wanna take a 5 min ride?
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Re: Thanks for the emails...
« Reply #3 on: Nov 26th, 2006, 9:25am » |
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Hope u don`t mind Jimi, But this is too funny and I have to share it with my friends...
No coffee stains on my screen here but I did take my hand off my mouse and laughed...
Tammy
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shadows stalker...have ya seen him? he is running from the duct tape..someone grab him for me please..
KISSES,CATEYES
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Brew
CH.com Alumnus
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Low Four!
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Re: Thanks for the emails...
« Reply #4 on: Nov 26th, 2006, 9:40am » |
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Good god-damned thing I have a laptop with a touchpad.
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Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
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bothofus
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It's got to get better !
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Re: Thanks for the emails...
« Reply #5 on: Nov 26th, 2006, 9:56am » |
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So it sounds like if I don't send this to 144,000 of my friends, Jumanji will attack.
Also, don't eat the chili from that fastfood chain where the finger was found. Prob shouldn't mention the name.
Carl
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kcopelin
CH.com Alumnus
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good grief
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Re: Thanks for the emails...
« Reply #6 on: Nov 26th, 2006, 10:25am » |
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Jimi, did you rescue the poor young woman from Uganda, who is a college graduate by the way, she is inheriting her father's forune real soon, but if she doesn't find a safe place to put it (my bank account) the hideously ugly old man that she is being forced to marry will steal it from her. She only wanted my account information in order to transfer the money. I'm sure she contacted you as well.
kathy (who is now cleaning up the mess caused by coofee expulsion onto computer desk and apologizing to hubby and son for waking them up)
P.S. Wendys
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| « Last Edit: Nov 26th, 2006, 10:26am by kcopelin » |
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Words count, chose carefully.
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sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: Thanks for the emails...
« Reply #7 on: Nov 27th, 2006, 11:28am » |
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Thank you for sharing this one, Jimi.
Best wishes,
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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BarbaraD
CH.com Alumnus
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Hugs to ya
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Re: Thanks for the emails...
« Reply #8 on: Nov 27th, 2006, 11:36am » |
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And a very Merry Christmas to you too Jimi -- now send me your bank account information so I can transfer that fortune to your account...... But you must do this within the next 15 seconds or Jonny will come visit you
Hugs BD
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| « Last Edit: Nov 27th, 2006, 11:37am by BarbaraD » |
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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