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Tara Ann
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NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« on: Nov 14th, 2006, 5:03pm » |
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Fuck it!? I am getting out of this shithole of an exsistance, I'm tired of ruining times for everyone around you?
I won't.... but sometimes I feel like such a hinderance to everyone around me, useless, frustrating, not worth the trouble to be around. Life truly can be a bitch. I'm a great mommy, I know it with my soul but Im mommy with pain, mommy sick, mommy going the doctors or hospital, mommy too tired to get up, "shhhhhh quiet mommy is sick". Then I have times where I'm silly fun, a teaching mommy, a "cool" mommy, an understanding, patient mommy......
Wow how can the kids deal with two different mommies?
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LeLimey
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #1 on: Nov 14th, 2006, 5:11pm » |
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Same way they deal with grumpy dad, sleepy dad, not now I'm reading the paper/watching football/ scratching my butt dad!
Everyone has up's and downs TA be it cos of pain or otherwise. You are not a bad mum or a bad wife, you're just one with more valid issues than don't-talk-to-me-I've-broke-a-nail mummy!
This is the depression sweetie, it makes you feel worthless and you are NOT.
Get to the doctors, get something to restore your balance as we were talking about and get your life back, we have a set amount of days on this earth and a duty to enjoy every minute we can.
Don't let yourself feel guilty, you're a wonderful person and I love having you for a friend 
Helen xxx
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Donna_D.
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #2 on: Nov 14th, 2006, 5:13pm » |
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Kids Adapt. Love your children every moment you can and they will understand better when you are suffering.
My daughter Jessica is now 6 years old. She is the best supporter I have...she is starting to recognize the signs when my head is ramping up and she springs into action. I had an extremely bad night a week or so ago, my daughter kept waking up in the night to bring me ice packs from the freezer while I sat and rocked and cried half the night away while sitting on the bathroom floor. The sight of her sleepy face looking at me made me cry even more. It wasn't fair she had to see this, to be there...but she chose to do so. Pretty grown up for a six year old.
I have HUGE guilt over the fact that there are times when my daughter feels the need to take care of me instead of the other way around. Such is the nature of the beast.
I hope our kids are going to grow up to be strong, compassionate and loving people. They have witnessed suffering and do the best they can to help and to cope.
Hug them every PF moment you can and TALK to them when you can about "what is wrong with Mommy's head". Kids are smart and understand WAY more than we can ever imagine.
You are a good Mom....you worry if you ARE being a good Mom....that says it all.
Hang in there, Sis.
DD
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| « Last Edit: Nov 14th, 2006, 5:17pm by Donna_D. » |
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Charlie
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #3 on: Nov 14th, 2006, 6:23pm » |
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Quote:| Wow how can the kids deal with two different mommies? |
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You are definitely a good mom.
Donna's right too. One thing about kids is that they do indeed adapt. Part of it is.....as terrible as it is....if something happens to mom and she comes out of it, it's normal to them or at least something not quite so scary.
They are amazing that way.
Charlie
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bothofus
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #4 on: Nov 14th, 2006, 7:32pm » |
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Wish I could help you with this as much as you have helped me on these boards.
It can get to you though, not going to lie about that. But, here it comes, You know in your heart that you are a good mom and kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. It hurts us more when we don't feel like we are our best than it hurts them.
Hang in there,
Carl
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lionsound
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #5 on: Nov 14th, 2006, 7:40pm » |
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on Nov 14th, 2006, 5:03pm, taraann wrote:
Wow how can the kids deal with two different mommies? |
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because They Love You.
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rickyshot
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #7 on: Nov 14th, 2006, 7:50pm » |
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At least you don't abuse them when in pain. When I started with all this 22 years ago, my kids were very young and my headaches were so violent ( and I could not afford any meds so uncontrolled) I ran around the house breaking things, screaming, crying, rolling and going upside their heads. Now that was a bad mommy 
Funny now that they are grown, they seem to understand especially after I came back from my first convention and told them of others like me. My oldest said See mommy you are not the only one. I cried again.
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Bill_G.
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #8 on: Nov 14th, 2006, 7:56pm » |
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Remember you are where you are, when you are, and there is going to be some PF time for all of us in the future. Keep going one step, one minute, one hour, one day at a time
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BB
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #9 on: Nov 14th, 2006, 8:17pm » |
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Hi Taraann,
I have no doubt that you are a very loving, caring mom. As Donna said, the fact that you are thinking about how your children may feel shows how much you care.
Children can be very understanding and tolerant and compassionate, often more than us adults give them credit for.
Share with them your thoughts, your feelings when you can and tell them that although at times you cant be there 100%, you do love and care for them none the less. Let them care for you by doing little things like getting ice for you, it makes them happy that they can help make mommy feels better. Your children will grow up to be better people.
Sending lots of prayers and hugs and strong vibes. Hang in there sis.
Annette
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Jonny
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #10 on: Nov 14th, 2006, 8:40pm » |
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on Nov 14th, 2006, 5:03pm, taraann wrote:| I'm a great mommy, I know it with my soul but Im mommy with pain |
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You know what I think, so, dont make me yell at you! 
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
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Cathi04
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #11 on: Nov 15th, 2006, 10:04am » |
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TA, First off, that is the BEAST, not you! When the beast takes control, it hurts all of you, but, just as if you'd broken your leg and ended up in the hospital, you have NO control of the outcome.
Besides, life is the stuff that happens after the hits......
TaraAnn, sweetie, this keeps surfacing. Would you please talk to your Dr about something to help ease you out of depression? He messes with emotions, too, y'know..........
Here's a hug.....keep us all posted......
Cathi
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Mattrf
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #12 on: Nov 15th, 2006, 10:46am » |
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I feel the same way, I try to be a good dad but it is hard when you can barely tolerate a simple question from your kids. My youngest made me a get well card the other day, it made me happy and at the same time ripped my hart out, she deserves so much better.
I try as hard as I can to play with her and spend time with her even when all I want to do is hide in my room away from everyone and everything, but sometimes it is just to hard to do. I have not visited my family that lives three hours away in over two years now, my nieces and nephews are growing up and I have missed it, my family tries to understand but get frustrated with me for not coming to visit and it has gotten to the point that the relationship I once had with them is gone, as you all know no one but a sufferer and a supporter truly understand and I just cant take the guilt trips from them so I just don’t talk to them much anymore, very sad.
Matt
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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roy21302
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #13 on: Nov 15th, 2006, 11:27am » |
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Taraan,
Your kids probably think you are the best Mum in the whole ruddy world, remember that.
I hear and understand what your saying, indeed I have had the same thought myself many time over the years. My daughter grew up never knowing which Daddy was going to be around today--grumpy--sad--angry--in hospital--- gone to work for days--- come home grumpy. Goodness knows how she made out,but now she's a Mum herself, a wonderful Mum, she tells me that all those thing when she was growing up have helped to make her a better Mummy. I am sure glad I stuck around and didn't bolt from the sh------ exsistance! So will you be one day, hang in there, the kids will make out alright and love you more each day!!!
Cheers Roy
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Ghost
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #14 on: Nov 15th, 2006, 11:36am » |
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T
I do know what you mean and how you feel been doing similar in my messed up head. Try to explain what is going on in your scull and alot more than you would think even the real young ones understand if they are told. They are alot more forgiving and understanding than most older folks. Just remember you love them and they love you too! You will make it even when all hope seems gone it will return when you least expect it to. Look into your youngest Childs eyes and see the love they have it makes a world of difference. Hold them and when able be their Rock on the sandy beach.
Ok I am rambling again.
Mike
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Tiannia
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #15 on: Nov 15th, 2006, 3:31pm » |
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TA,
You are a great mom, the pain is not you. It is a part of what you have to deal with. But it does not define who you are. Just like a mom who is diabetic, it is a part of them, but it does not make them a bad mom. It is so hard to see my 4 yr old (I got these chorinic when he was 6 months old, so he has lived his whole life wiht mommy this way) walk up and touch my head and say "God and Goddess, make mommies head better." my 9 yr old who sees the first signs of a hit and grabs ice for me. I know that as soon as the hit is over, I will grab them and hug the dickens out of them and tell them how much I love them and how much they "helped" me even if it did not help at all.
They can handle having 2 moms because to them you are all one great big loving mom who is always there for them and always will be.
PF wishes
-Tia
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Tara Ann
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Re: NE1 ever feel like saying.......
« Reply #16 on: Nov 16th, 2006, 5:23am » |
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Once again, You all are the BEST! I love how CHer's and supporters have enough of their own pain and sadness and still can put things into perspective for a bro or sis. Yah I know it's just the depression talking when I feel so low and doubtful. I'm uninsured once again, but I just have to get through the next 2 months and Ill have insurance again. Hopefully by then I'll be outta this funk so I don't need to talk to a therapist or doctor. Big, huge thank you's for being the best, most understanding famdamily around
Hey Jonny.....what I don't get the customary"quit your whining" ? 
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