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Topic: Just mad as hell............................ (Read 843 times) |
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Leesa
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Just mad as hell............................
« on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:09pm » |
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Some of you know me and some dont. Those who know me KNOW the type of person I am and where I stand on supporting cluster heads. For those of you that dont know me from adam's house cat well here comes your chance to hang me from the tallest tree with a short piece of rope!!
I have been here since 2000 seen MANY cluster heads get hit over the years since Ive been here including my husband Dave!! There is a BIG difference when it comes to support via phone or puter and seeing it up close and personal like some of us do EVERYDAY!!! To sit across the table from someone that youve have talked to for over a year on here and in chat and see them get hit takes the wind right out of your sail! It breaks your heart to know there is REALLY nothing you can do for them EXCEPT get the Trex (if they can use it) grap O2, ice or heat and hurry up and wait till the beast leaves! Watching your husband or wife or your better half get this is the MOST helpless feeling in the world for most supporters. Watching this person you truely LOVE as they BEG you from the fetal position on the floor to kill them to make the pain stop is gut wrenching. Watching this loved one bang their right side of their head on to the cement floor all while clawing at their eye to the point of the eye lid is bleeding or black and blue from being punched is one of those things as a supporter you LEARN to deal with. HELL NO I dont like this! But I do it because I LOVE HIM. I grab the ice, O2, and the Trex and watch Dave deal with the beast. I truely dont know the pain he feels nor do I ever. BUT you wish you could take that pain from this person you love and give it to your self so they dont have to suffer. It's the toughest job you'll ever love because you love your husband, wife or better half or child!
For those who say or have said "supporting is easy" dont say that till youve walked 10 miles in my shoes. I have CRYED my eyes out due to this pain that Dave feels. I get fighing mad over the fact I can do more and docs, and hospitals treat him as a "drug seeker" For ANY ONE whos says supporting is easy...................
FUCK YOU!!!!! ITS NOT it NEVER EVER will be not for those that TRUELY LOVE and feel our hearts break every time the beast shows up!!
I cant nor will I EVER say CH is not painful for those who suffer, but I will say its not easy for those of us that have sit back and watch it happen either. Put your self in the supporters shoes for once see how it feels. IT SUCKS!!! Just being across the table at convention and see someone get hit is bad nuff but when its your soul mate its even worse!!
Ready for the back lash, Leesa 
PS: sorry but Im pissed off BIG TIME!!!!!
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| « Last Edit: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:14pm by Leesa » |
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"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it." General H. Norman Schwarzkopf 
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echo
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Chronic and still alive --- I Win!
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Re: Support the TRUE meaning................
« Reply #1 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:14pm » |
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No lash back from me. You're just like my wife, you see the worst and there's little you can do about it.
I'm Chronic and I'm sure I put my wife through a living hell.
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
Proud Dad of a US Marine, and a former Marine turned Police Officer.
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jimmers
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #2 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:16pm » |
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Why would you get backlash after a post like that? I thought it was quite accurate and from the heart.
Did someone PM you with some dumbass comments?
Let us know.
Jimmers
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I don't suffer from INSANITY; I'm enjoying every minute of it!
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seasonalboomer
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Re: Support the TRUE meaning................
« Reply #3 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:17pm » |
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not sure what you're pissed off about specifically. but, if you're looking for fight, I'm not sure you'll find one from this sufferer. i'm not sure where i've ever read that someone said being a supporter was easy. i'm sure i've seen someone say things to the effect that "if you think supporting is a bitch, spend a few moments in my brain", but not with malice.
so, no fight here. i wish no one was affected by these things, sufferers or supporters.
scott
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seasonal boomer
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George_J
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #4 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:28pm » |
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You won't get an argument from me, either, nor anything flamish. I know what my supporters go through--and I love and appreciate them for it, as well as for being who they are.
What has made you angry? I haven't seen anything here, but that doesn't mean I've read everything either.....
Best wishes,
George
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Ah! The foreigners put on such airs
Wearing the tangerine suits
And their harlequin eyes.
The pain they inspire
Draws in harmonica melodies
And the feathers of birds
Which flame up at their touch.
It all comes to light in the sheer
Debonair.
(Ellen)
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Black_Eyed_Girl
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #5 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:31pm » |
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Toatly right girl. I know what you mean. To those who say that it doesn't hurt to be a supporter I say BULL SH*T!! I've got three suffers and any time I hear that ones in pain I feel like I'm dying inside. I've even had a sufferer say to me that I can't know what the pain is like. No I can't tell you what it's like to feel a thousand demons inside my head. But I damn well tell you what it's like to watch a father or a friend feel that pain. Anybody that has a problem with that can go to hell. Vive to ya my friend. Hang in there.
Always,
Felicia 
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E-Double
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #6 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:32pm » |
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I hope Dave catches a break and that your noggin is taking it easy on you!!
I think you are wonderful but you already knew I have a thing for little ladies  
Tough as nails
E
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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Tiannia
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #7 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:36pm » |
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Hun, what and or how pissed you off???
Supporting if not easy. I have seen my kids in tears because they cant make it better. Because mom is crying so they start crying. My 4 yr old tries to hug me and ask the Goddess to make it better and I end up yelling at my husband to get him away from me because I'm afraid that I will hurt him because if lashing around.
I have seen my husband begg me to let him do something. Anything to make it better. I have tried to hide my hit from him because I know how much it hurts him. That he cant fix it. That he cant fight this unseen deamon that is inside my head. This is not something he can touch, something that he can fight or anything. I would not wish this on my worse enemy but I would not want to trade places with him and have to feel so helpless.
Vent away. Say what you need to say and do what you need to do. But no one here will tell you that you are wrong.
/huggs
Tia
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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tanner
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #8 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:43pm » |
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Leesa, have I told you I love you lately?
Well now I have! Best to Dave, and did I ever get the pics of our tribute to Mary Ellen to you? I still have them, so if I didn't already let me know where to send them or I can post them right here.
 xcept some dumb ass (me) spelled your name on them wrong 
BTW: BIG HUGZ.....Tim
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I AM THE MASTER OF MY MIND, MY BODY, AND MY EMOTIONS...
it's just my head that sucks...http://www.centerforlit.com/
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chewy
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #9 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:45pm » |
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ATTA GIRL LEESA!!!!
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LeLimey
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #10 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:48pm » |
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I'd sooner be hit than watch someone else I love getting hit. THAT is the worst pain in the world. No arguments from me Leesa, I know I couldn't do this without my supporters.
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Leesa
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #11 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:50pm » |
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Folks Im not here much due to a 3 yr old. LOL
Ive been able to take some time today and read a few things, some things that have been said just made me mad as hell due to some of those that suffer dont seem to know how damn hard it is for those that support. Ive seen some comments that made me feel like my job as a supporter was a walk in the park, compared to having CH and that is very true but to play down so bad...... just pissed all over my fruit loops.
I personally dont know the pain of CH nor do I ever want to but I know how helpless and mad I feel when Dave gets hit.
Sorry yall..................but being a supporter aint easy either.
Leesa, going back to my corner now 
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"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it." General H. Norman Schwarzkopf
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wildhaus
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #12 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 3:55pm » |
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I don’t know what it is to be a supporter…….. I don’t want to know what it takes……
and in no way I would like to walk 10 miles in my wife’s shoes……
It breaks my hart when I see her worried for me or the kids eyes………… with the most bizarre
X-mas wishes….. that papas head will be good again…..
I hurt…. and it hurts me more, a different kind of pain, to see my family hurt with me…..
and if someone thinks it’s just simple to be a supporter…………. to go with us through the
pain…. without the physical pain but that different kind of pain………… ill just nod with my head
and keep my thoughts to myself……………
I am in a deep debt to my supporters at home ……….. a debt ill never be able to repay
back lash at you…….. why? for standing to your loved one, for being with him and for him
hurting that different pain….. when he hurt……… NO!!!!
You are in the right, the one thinks different……….. is wrong!!! back lash at them!!!
Michael
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| « Last Edit: Oct 26th, 2006, 4:01pm by wildhaus » |
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #13 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 4:01pm » |
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Quote:| Leesa, going back to my corner now |
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Leesa !!!!! You get yourself out of that corner right now Girl, ya hear? I stole your "bat" and I'm not afraid to use it.
You are a great supporter to Dave and others. The only thing wrong with you is that you're not here often enough.
Linda
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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chewy
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #14 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 4:51pm » |
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Now that you got all that out can we get a happy dance for old time sakes?
Naked would be good. (NOT DAVE)
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thomas
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #15 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 5:30pm » |
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Personally, I would much rather take the hit myself than see those that I care about go through this shit. It's horrible, because I actuall "know" what they're going through. Supporting sux ass. My hat's off to all you ladies and gents who have stayed the course with your loved one(s) and friends through all the hell.
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Religion and sex are powerplays. Manipulate the people for the money they pay. Selling skin, selling God, the numbers look the same on their credit cards. Triptans cause rebounds. Learn it, believe it, live it. I use triptans as the absolute LAST RESORT when treating my CH.
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Margi
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #16 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 5:37pm » |
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pssst, Lisa? You ROCK, Lady.
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kathy copelin, ch.com 8/8/06
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Cathi04
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #17 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 5:50pm » |
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Leesa, you want me to go get that bat back from Linda??
Honey, OF COURSE you get mad! I am certain it sux to see Dave battling, and of course, the natural instinct is to "fix it"!
It's that strength of will, that urgency and the willingness to fight the beast that makes you sooo good as Dave's(and other peoples') supporter.
The Beast is sneaky, underhanded, mean-spirited and an overall nasty enemy, who is out to inflict as much pain as it can on these sufferers. You keep channelling that energy-just MAYBE you'll make some headway with the medical community, so they will find something to control CH!!
You've been missed, Leesa......a good vent now and again from you might keep this group in focus, consider it, please?
Oh, and give Dave a big hug, and wish him PF for me.......
Cathi
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kissmyglass
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #18 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 5:52pm » |
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I am a chronic Clusterhead and just recently became a supporter too ( I guess) No doubt about it, being a supporter is MUCH harder. Glad we now have an official Supporter day!
Kev
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Tim_w
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #19 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 5:57pm » |
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Leesa
Glad to see ya posting again!
BUTTT put a smile on your face!!!! 
I have had ch for about 27 years now and I'll tell you I would sooner be on this end then being a supporter
I say my first clusterhead getting hit (Other than myself)
at the convention in 2003 was on the phone many times with her as she was getting hit, and saw her getting hit again at the last convention
and I felt so helpless not being able to help this fine LADY!
You would think being a clusterhead you would know how to deal with it , but your looking at it through a new set of eyes!!
MAY GOD BLESS ALL THE SUPPORTERS!!!!!!!!!
YOU ALL MEAN MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!!!!
LOVE YA Tim _W HAPPY PAPPY
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We will all go to HEAVEN we have been to HELL! -(Personal Quote) YES There is life out There (Thank you to my new suporters)
They say this will only make me stronger but I did not ask to be SUPERMAN
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TxBasslady
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #20 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 6:29pm » |
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on Oct 26th, 2006, 3:50pm, Leesa wrote: some of those that suffer dont seem to know how damn hard it is for those that support. Ive seen some comments that made me feel like my job as a supporter was a walk in the park, compared to having CH
Sorry yall..................but being a supporter aint easy either. |
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Well, being that I do know you, I will tell you that you never, ever need to apologize for speaking your mind.
You're right...I have read some of those same type comments over the years.
As a sufferer, I will say that I think I know how difficult it is for the supporter's. I think that because like many here, I have witnessed CH from both angles. When I'm pf and witness someone else getting hit, it pisses me off too, Leesa. There's been times when I felt guilty cause I was pf, and someone I care about is not.
I would hope that all of us who suffer are capable of seeing and recognizing the absolute pain felt by the supporter's. You're right, it's not easy...and it never will be.
I feel that CH is a hand that was dealt to us sufferer's, and unfortunately, the supporer's are holding the same damn hand. A "walk in the park" it sure isn't, sweetie.
Lots of love to you....and a whole bunch of PF vibes for you and Dave
Jean
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How lucky I am... to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye too.
Take a kid fishin
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I adopted a Vietnam POW/MIA from El Paso, Texas! 
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LeLimey
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #21 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 6:38pm » |
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For anyone else reading this who needs a reminder
http://www.ouch-us.org/suptapprday.htm
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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SteCo
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #22 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 6:38pm » |
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No issues from here.....
I am the CHr....only get the pain in my head........
My wife feels the pain in her heart......
She has the difficult job by far. I just do the dance.
SteCo
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Chillrmn1
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #23 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 6:49pm » |
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God Bless you Leesa and all other supporters!
I'm the sufferer, my wife the supporter. My wife sacrifices so much while I'm in cycle, puts up with my irritability, and wants so bad to be able to relieve me of my hell. She's a nurse in carreer and in heart and becomes very frustated in not being able to relieve my pain, I see the hurt in her eyes and face.
What I'm trying to say is it takes a very strong individual to remain a loyal supporter and stay with you, where as it would be easy for someone weaker to just walk/run away from it. IT TAKES A VERY SPECIAL PERSON TO BE A SUPPORTER AND ARE TRUE ANGELS FROM HEAVEN.
And the next time someone tells you "supporting is easy" tell them Fuck You and tell them Fuck You from me.
We love our supporters and I couldn't survive long without mine. You're right, I dont truely know what it's like to wear the shoes of a supporter but do know those are mighty big shoes to fill.
Thank you all supporters and may god bless you all!
Sincerely,
Bob
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BB
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Re: Just mad as hell............................
« Reply #24 on: Oct 26th, 2006, 7:51pm » |
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((((((( Leesa )))))))))
Thank you for speaking my mind ! I know how you feel !
Annette
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