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Topic: 9 yr old in Counseling? (Read 424 times) |
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Tiannia
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9 yr old in Counseling?
« on: Oct 18th, 2006, 1:29pm » |
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I had a wonderful 2 hour Parent - Teacher - Principle - Student Conference. 4th grade, I am soooo not looking forward to puberty. 
ok - My daughter is high strung and extreemly intelligent. (I'm not just saying this her teacher has pushed us to get her into GATE) But when she is bored she is a hand full, I have always worned her teachers of this. That if they dont keep her busy she will get into trouble. Also, She has never been one to deal with being picked on.
Did I meantion that she is the tallest girl in her class and is Irish/Italian on her dads side and German on my side. So Temper is nothing new in my house. 
She will finish her work and then try and help the other kids and will will get mad because they do not do it her way. She will not raise her hand but will just blurt out the answer and usually it is right. If the teacher tries to tell her that she needs to be quiet and raise her hand she will get snappy with the teacher and say stuff like." Well I'm right so what does it matter."
So yesterday, she was in PE and they where playing soccer, or something like it, and she got mad because the kids where calling her a ball hog. Now I asked her and she admitted that she was being a ball hog. But one girl tried to kick a goal and Shara intercepted it and missed the goal. They lost. Now ids can be mean and they all started in on her calling her a ball hog and that she was responsible for them losing. So she got mad enough that she cussed them out. Without knowing exactly what she said, I am gathering that she would have made her ex-special forces dad proud. 
So she got got sent to the principle. And Shara told her that she is enraged 50% of the time. So now they want her to go to counceling.
I remember the Counselors from when I was in school and they where a waste.
What do you all think? What does a school counselor do? nad are they worth a shit?
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JeffB
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #1 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 1:49pm » |
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That's a tough one, Clark county has a great school system and a great GATE program. Myself, I would listen to what the school says, but thats about it. I would look at outside help for any emotional or personal problems.
I just think schools are over stepping boundries more and more these days. Just heard about a school that promotes cussing in a 7th grade class, what's that tell ya?
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DonnaHar
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #2 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 1:51pm » |
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My 17 year old grandson had a similar problem with being bored, talking out in class, staring out the window and not paying attention to the teacher speaking..always"forgot" to bring his homework home...always "forgot to take his work to school. He got all "a's" on in-school work and was an extra bright kid. He spent a lot of time in detention.
The school counselor labeled him ADHD and suggested Ritilan (sp?) after extensive testing. My daughter hit the ceiling, took him to his peditrician, had him tested there. The Doc. wrote the school explaining that she thought he should be put into a excellerated program. The school went along with it and today he is bringing home all "a's" in the gifted class. He's earned many college credits already too, thru the schools program.
I have no faith in the school systems opinion, nor that of their counselors. I've talked to them and they are very narrow minded.
My opinion is that they (some are) are supposed to be trained to handle children with problems and they don't know how.
Don't let them push you into doing anything that you don't feel is right. Speak up....parents have rights too.
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maffumatt
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #3 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 1:51pm » |
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Send E2 a PM.
Matt
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George_J
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #4 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 2:02pm » |
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on Oct 18th, 2006, 1:51pm, maffumatt wrote:
Second that.
Had a counselor in El's elementary school (before we went private) try to tell us that El was ADHD, and suggest that we put her on Ritalin. Sheesh. That kid has the longest attention span of any kid I've ever seen--when she's on task, you can't divert her attention. The house could burn down around her.
I wouldn't buy it without talking to someone else. Again, talk to E2.
Best,
George
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Karla
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #5 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 2:08pm » |
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Well 25 some years ago when I was 13 and a freshman in HS. My HS councelor was key in helping me admit I had a drug problem and counceled me weekly. He was a great assett in my life at that time. He got me to talk to my parents and let them know what was up, got me into treatment, and counceled me weekly after that. But he helped me to talk to my parents and deal with other kids. I thought it was a good resource.
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Tiannia
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #6 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 2:17pm » |
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I have a degree in Counseling. It is hard when it is this close though. I do not believe that my daughter needs medication. I thing that she needs to focus on what she is doing.
Last year they wanted to put her in special ed and remedial reading because she was not turning in any homeowrk. We would did it every night but she just would not turn it in.
In some respects I think it was difficult because she was an only child right up until she went to kindergarden. Her brother was both 5 days before she started. That made it very hard on her and her anger has gotten worse sense then.
I wil see what the counselor says but I am not deaf dumb and blind that some only want to make the kids easier to deal with and not work with them to help them.
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BB
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #7 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 2:28pm » |
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Well, your resident doc here was a school rebel, got kicked out of a prestigious private school for being a "trouble maker" 
My parents were told that I wouldnt do well at school due to being too disruptive in class
Got moved to another school, where I was free to study and learn in my own way, was top of the school the whole time and the rest is history.
These day I even got called "gracious" by our darling DeeJ ! Sheesh ! The poor man had no idea 
I suggest you sit down and have a long talk to your daughter about school, what does she like, what does she dislike, etd, stress to her that she is very special and that you are on her side, always.
I believe that no counsellor is able to know a daughter like her mother. Trust your intuition here.
Annette
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Tiannia
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #8 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 2:33pm » |
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ok Annette you made me cry.
I love her so much and want her happy. I know that she can do so much. There are some things that we are so much aloke and we butt heads because of it, but I dont want her to fail because she is not trying.
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nani
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #9 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 2:50pm » |
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Of course you want to make her happy, Tia. Unfortunately, therein lies the problem, LOL. Find a good counselor outside of school. A good one will involve all of you. Sometimes we need an uninterested third party to help us sort out things. You need a set of family rules (addressing how to handle anger) a clear set of expectations for each other, and some simple behavior/consequence limits. ie: if you don't turn in your work, and you fail, there is no computer, video games (insert favorite thing here) until your grade gets back up. I've had my kids and grandkids in counseling at various times, and it works.
hugs, nani
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #10 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 3:02pm » |
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Tiannia,
I didnt mean to make you cry, but let me share with you from a daughters point of view.
I will never forget that day, when my parents were called in to discuss my "future at the school " with the school headmistress who was also Mother Superior ( It was a Catholic school ).
I was quite apprehensive but really angry as well, in my opinion ( which in my universe is correct - to quote Kathy! ) I hadnt done anything wrong, I hadnt hurt anyone or damaged anything, for goodness sake!
The Headmistress went on and on about how stubborn and disruptive I was and how I wouldnt fit in nor conform to the school expectation.
My dad was obviously feeling rather uneasy and embarrassed. He kept looking at me with this " How could you " looks. I was fully expecting a good scold from both my parents.
Yet my mother was so cool and calm. She listened intentedly to the Headmistress while sitting next to me, she held my hand tight throughout the interview, as if to reassure me that everything would be alright.
When the Headmistress finished her speech, my mother got up, thanked her and announced that she would remove me from the school to save them from further headache. She then held my hand, grabbed my dad and walked out.
On the way home, she didnt say much, only one sentence " I dont think they are good enough for you, we will find a better school " and that was it!
That one sentence from my mother, plus her belief in me, changed my life ...
Annette
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Tiannia
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #11 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 3:14pm » |
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You did not make me cry in a bad way hun.
We finally got Shara is a great school that really does want her to suceed. The teacher is great. It has been hard on Shara because she has gone to 3 different schools in the past 3 years. So she starts out the year trying t make friends again. There was nothing we could do because zoning variances re extreemly difficult to get here.
All of us went and Dad kept our 4 yr old enteretained this morning, so that I could talk to the teacher without interuption. There where times that she would be trying to say something and I could finish the sentence for her.
After we talked some, I told the teacher about some of the things that Shara would say about school. That she felt like she had to rush to get thru work. So we called Shara over and let Shara go thru what the schedule is for the day / week. As she would talk she opens up. With one on one attention or small groups she does amazing. The teacher is working with her to get the librarian to order books that Shara is interested in so that she does not battle about reading. So I know that we are both trying to help her.
We got done and I gave her a huge hug and told her to have a great day and that we will talk more tongiht when I get home from work.
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #12 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 3:17pm » |
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You are a great Mum , Tianna. 
Shara is blessed !
Take care of one another ...
Hugs and lots of love.
Annette
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ShariRae
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #13 on: Oct 18th, 2006, 9:29pm » |
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Tia..
I am a firm believer that NO ONE will look out for or fight for your child like YOU will.You are a wonderful mother..keep fighting until things are right for Shara and she is happy & comfortable.Stay in close contact with the school & let them know that you want to be made aware of any "hiccups" in her behavior or her schoolwork...when they know the parents are involved they really do pay closer attention. Good luck to you & your family.
Much Love
Shari
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Pinkfloyd
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #14 on: Oct 19th, 2006, 12:23am » |
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As to the P.E. class trouble. Is she in any structured sports programs? if she's a good athlete, and a smart one to boot, she's probably frustrated at the level of competition, and the other kids are frustrated at their lack of competitiveness playing against her. Makes for hard feelings at that age. If she isn't in a program...any one she likes will do, I'd get her into one. Girls at that age are worse IMHO, than boys as far as "playing well with others" as they try to be accepted and fight over friends etc.
Boys just duke it out or don't give a damn. Somebody is making them all look bad on the field? They'll just kick him in the nuts to slow him down....and continue playing.
Could be the same problem with the other classes. She may just be angry because of the way she's being treated...and teachers and administrators don't always see or hear whats being said behind the scenes. I'll bet there is something going on in the background.
My guess is that she'll probably run for President some day.
If she doesn't want to talk to you about whats behind all this, maybe one of her good friends will open up to you. Believe me, at that age, there is ALWAYS a lot more going on then you might think.
Schools aren't always real happy to admit that things may be going on ...like a group of girls causing trouble for one girl. They are supposed to be on the look out for these types of things and they don't like admitting they might not be doing their job, or...that some of their students are causing trouble...."not our kids!!" we don't allow that.
If there are some other things going on, (kids picking on her etc) if they find out she's seeing the school counselor, it'll make things worse for her...give them more fodder. She might also think that might happen, even if it wouldn't, and might balk at going in school.
So..I agree with the others that suggested taking her outside the school IF you decide that she should talk to someone else.
Yes, some schools have great counseling staffs....but some don't. Might not be good if the counselor she goes to see, thinks the girls she is having trouble with, are little angels , or the teachers she's having trouble with, are their best freinds.
Another reason to step outside the school....if its necessary.
JMHOs...
Bobw
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Lizzie2
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #15 on: Oct 19th, 2006, 12:28am » |
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Tia,
Sorry she is having a hard time! I know in the school where I attended K-3, they'd put kids into accelerated programs right from kindergarten - I think this helped me a lot because I was also always on the verge of getting into trouble for talking, not paying attention, etc - I was bored.
But the rage thing concerns me - just reading it, that is. Have you two talked about it? Did she give any hint that she said she feels that rage over 50% of the time but that statement was influenced by just getting in trouble right then? Or is this truly how she feels?
The only reason I point that out is because it's one thing to be bored and underchallenged, but yet another to be feeling all this rage. I agree with the others as far as sending E2 a PM and maybe seeking a good outside family counselor - maybe one that does family counseling or whatever suits you. I know the school psychologists are there for a reason, but from what I remember - a lot of them are there for aptitude testing and identifying problems, but aren't always the best at doing the actual counseling.
When I was in HS, I saw one of those, but he was only helpful in that he recommended to my parents that I go to an outside psychologist. My guidance counselor was actually great with me - met with me nearly every day, but they certainly aren't all like that. I was lucky, and he had worked with troubled teens in other jobs, so he had all the patience in the world for kids like how I was. That and also the SAS (Student Assistance) counselors were very good, and they even held a support group after school related to stress. But mainly, getting to an outside psychologist was really better than just staying in the school system.
I sort of figure though, that like anything - it varies with each individual kid, school, school counselor, etc.....
Mainly I hope things work out - and I second what everyone else says. YOU know her better than anyone - and your being there for her makes all the difference in the world.
Hugz,
Carrie
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Tiannia
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #16 on: Oct 19th, 2006, 11:59am » |
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I have never heard my daughter say that she is that angry. And I an wondering just how much was pushed form her trying to get out of trouble and the teacher or principle. Just because they said she stated that she was "Enraged 50% of the time." I can not imagine those words coming out of her mouth.
Thank you for your advice and thoughts. I need to make sure that we talk. That is what is going to help the most.
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E-Double
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #17 on: Oct 23rd, 2006, 8:12pm » |
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Check your PM's..........
My favorite thing to tell teachers is this:
" It is only teaching if learning occurs.
That being said, all kids learn. It is just what they are learning is not what you may be trying to teach them"
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #18 on: Oct 23rd, 2006, 8:45pm » |
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on Oct 18th, 2006, 2:33pm, Tiannia wrote:ok Annette you made me cry.
I love her so much and want her happy. I know that she can do so much. There are some things that we are so much aloke and we butt heads because of it, but I dont want her to fail because she is not trying.
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I have an especially bright young lady too. She didn't even have to try to do fine. It was interesting keeping ahead of her. Love her, do what you can and believe that she hears everything you tell her and she Will find her way.
Sarah for example: 12 years old asks," Mom, haven't you ever wanted to do something wrong just because it was wrong?" (kept a straight face and denied it She was a hand full.
She is now 25, a GM of some tax accounting offices, was a sergeant in the army and really does well.
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jon019
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Re: 9 yr old in Counseling?
« Reply #19 on: Oct 23rd, 2006, 10:23pm » |
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on Oct 18th, 2006, 3:14pm, Tiannia wrote:
The teacher is working with her to get the librarian to order books that Shara is interested in so that she does not battle about reading. So I know that we are both trying to help her.
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Hi Tiannia,
Not much to add to the wonderful stuff posted here by others. Did want to comment on the sentence above because it resonated with me. Never had problems in school because I am a go along to get along kind of a guy. BUT, in my opinion, reading is the key to EVERYTHING else in education. To this day there is resentment at being forced to read what others thought I should read. (Maybe this is adding to Shara's consternation).No book I ever read in those circumstances was enjoyable, no matter how good. If I been a slightly different personality, this could have caused MAJOR problems. Fortunately, I loved to read and did so on my own, voraciously, with books I chose. (It served me well). Given the chance, I bet Shara does so also.
Also will note that my Mom was a teacher for 30+ years. She loved the job, the kids, the atmosphere... and then she retired early. Why? Something changed. She would prepare for weeks for a parent-teacher conference and no parents would show up. She would get nasty notes during the school year wondering why little Johnny/Janey was such a brat and what was she going to do about it? She would plead with the school board and principal for help and told to shut up. She finally had had enough and said I didn't go into this profession to be a babysitter-see ya.
I cannot express enough how much your involvement means to EVERYONE- Shara, the teacher, you, the other kids-EVERYONE. I will echo, you are doing GREAT!
Regards
Jon
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