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Mattrf
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Angry once again so I am told.
« on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 4:03pm » |
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Ten months straight now and the meds I was on that helped also made me nauseous and the longer I was on them the worse it got until I could not hold anything down. So I am on a new one now but the SUNCT head pain is back and in full swing and I am pissed. I went to pick up a car part I ordered yesterday and the guy forgot to order it then told me, well you said you where coming in on Monday, OK Einstein so if you didn’t order the dam part how is it going to be any different in another day?
I guess I seemed really pissed, the biggest guy came up to the counter and kept asking me to settle down and that he would make it right, he kept looking at me like I was going to be a problem, I wasn’t going to go over the counter or anything but I felt the guy was calling me a lire and it pissed me off, the big guy said, no one is calling you a lire and I just looked at him and said hay we both know what he’s doing.
I just can’t tell anymore when I sound really pissed and that is confirmed by my wife and kids. I have been bighting there heads off again and my wife has asked me to see a shrink again to help me deal with my anger, my wife and kids are my biggest supporters and it kills me that I treat them so poorly and don’t seem to be able to control it.
I know that it will go away at some point even if that means surgery but it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel some times, and the anger seem to just make it harder to see.
My wife wakes up a t night and will kick the covers off because she is hot, well she always manages to pull them a bit off me and I snap at her even though she is not trying to do it but sleep is my only escape and that is becoming harder and harder to find and getting woke up sets me off, it is just so hard to fall asleep and the pain is instantly there as soon as wake making it even harder to go back to sleep since the pain meds are out of my system by this early hour and taking more when they take an hour to hit just seem like a waste.
Well guess it’s off to the shrink today and see if maybe blowing off a bunch of steam at her will help me not do it to my girls.
I am trying everything I can to survive this, with my marriage intact and still have my job but sometimes it seems like one hell of a tall hill to climb. Life is not supposed to be like this.
Mattrf
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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Mrs Deej
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #1 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 4:29pm » |
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Matt,
I am so sorry that you are struggling right now. Whenever life was shitty for me, anything anyone would say to me would ultimately set me off. I was bitter and pissed off all the time and the thing was, I was doing it to myself! Go figure. By no means am I saying you are doing it to yourself, but for me, I was. It wasn't until I changed my whole outlook on life that I was content with the bullshit thrown at me everyday. It's life...and we have absolutely no control over it. Sucks, huh?! 
As for your family, know that they love and support you no matter what. Patience and communication are the two tools that everyone has, but very rarely use these days. Be open with them about how you feel on the things that make you upset, get their feedback and truely listen to them. I had to swallow my pride many times and I think that is the hardest thing a person can do. They live with you and they would know the best who you are, and how you have changed, if you have. The biggest thing they want is for you is to not suffer anymore...that's what we all want!
Honey, I am definatley not a doctor by any means (should've been...but ya know), but if you feel angry all the time you need to pinpoint the problem now before it spirals you and your family to a place that is devistating for you all. When you are upset, walk away, but let them know you need to think or breath...not that you are blowing them off. Life is way to short to be angry, we never know when our time is up on this planet. Don't sell your family, and most importantly, yourself short.
I hope you have better days and know you can always count on me if you ever need to talk.
Just my thoughts... 
Steph
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| « Last Edit: Oct 2nd, 2006, 4:31pm by Mrs Deej » |
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Live everyday as if it were your last, ALWAYS say 'I love you' when leaving someone dear to your heart and NEVER go to bed angry!
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Mattrf
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #2 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 4:36pm » |
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Thanks Steph, you are right I am doing it to myself and I know I am, it is just hard not to.
Very wise words.
Mattrf
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LeLimey
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #3 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 4:43pm » |
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Getting it out is better than keeping it in Matt, we're always here to listen even if we can't help beyond telling you that we understand, we hate your bloody pain too and we know how you feel. You're not md or bad for feeling like this though, you're normal (just like meeeeeeeeeeeee!  )
Life isn't supposed to be like this, it ISN'T fair and I hate how it makes the people I care about feel.
Just take one step at a time, you can get over the most insurmountable obstacles if you just look ahead one step at a time.
We're walking right along side you too so don't tread on my toes okay 'cos they're only little!
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Margi
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #4 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 4:44pm » |
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Hugs to you, Matt - I'm sorry you're going through a rough stretch.
Word to the wise about the blanket struggles though...we live the same problem. I, too, kick off the covers in the middle of the night and poor Mike is like a popsicle in the morning.  What I've started doing is flipping back my side of the quilt to the middle of the bed when I go to sleep - this way, I don't heat up too much and the bedspread and sheet are enough to keep me warm/cool enough. We have a king size bed, so there is room between us that I can push the quilt over to the middle. So far, so good.
I've lost track, sorry - what meds are you on Matt? They definitely can contribute to mood disintegration and anger triggers. Oddly enough, oxygen really helps Mike keep his cluster mood to a dull roar. Not that it alters his chemistry or anything, but the regular, calm breathing that he has to do while on it is almost like re-centering meditation for him. Do you use it?
Another thing you can try (depending on what meds you're using and most definitely NOT if you're already on antidepressants) is Saint Johnswort. It really helps with the cluster mood too.
Food for thought anyway.
How's things going with your step-daughter? That situation sure doesn't help right now either. HUGE stressor.
Hang in there - we've walked in your shoes.
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Donna_D.
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #5 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 4:46pm » |
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Matt,
I'm sitting here reading this and nodding my head in agreement. I can totally identify with your situation right now. I just called my mom, in tears because my youngest is unpacking boxes faster than I can pack them and creating messes where there used to be clean spaces. I have been yelling non-stop at both kids all day.
I am exhausted from the beast, exhausted from trying to move, sick and tired of not being able to sleep and it seems that absolutely nothing is going the way I need it to go. I just overheard my daughter telling my mom "Justin is just trying to play but mommy won't let him and she is tired and yelly at us all the time now." I felt like I had been gut punched and broke down and cried.
Life is a real bitch sometimes and unfortunately we tend to take it out on those closest to us and usually don't even realize we are doing it. When we do finally realize it, it hurts us to the core. the one thing that is on our side is no matter what, we are loved. That love is going to be forgiving of our bad moods.
I hope you do what I plan to do as soon as I finish this post (I had to have time to calm down and this place is my "garden of tranquility" . I am going to stop everything, hugs my kids, tell them I love them and remember that this too shall pass. I am going to really think before I speak until my mood changes for the better and try to be extra affectionate to my kids until this phase has subsided.
You aren't alone when it comes to anger problems. Realizing it is important, realizing it and doing nothing to change it is a tragedy.
DD
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JeffB
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #6 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 4:55pm » |
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You have my info Matt, I'm just a phone call or email away, brother. Stop taking this shit out on your family, you need them right now and they need you. If you want to let off some steam let me know, we can shoot down to a driving range and whack the hell out of some balls for a few hours, it relieves my anger!
Stay cool, Matt.
P.S.
I would say lets play a full 18, but you wouldn't want to spend the whole day trying to find my balls!
Some how, that last part didn't come out like I thought it would.
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Mattrf
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #7 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 4:59pm » |
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on Oct 2nd, 2006, 4:46pm, Donna_D. wrote:Matt,
I'm sitting here reading this and nodding my head in agreement. I can totally identify with your situation right now. I just called my mom, in tears because my youngest is unpacking boxes faster than I can pack them and creating messes where there used to be clean spaces. I have been yelling non-stop at both kids all day.
I am exhausted from the beast, exhausted from trying to move, sick and tired of not being able to sleep and it seems that absolutely nothing is going the way I need it to go. I just overheard my daughter telling my mom "Justin is just trying to play but mommy won't let him and she is tired and yelly at us all the time now." I felt like I had been gut punched and broke down and cried.
Life is a real bitch sometimes and unfortunately we tend to take it out on those closest to us and usually don't even realize we are doing it. When we do finally realize it, it hurts us to the core. the one thing that is on our side is no matter what, we are loved. That love is going to be forgiving of our bad moods.
I hope you do what I plan to do as soon as I finish this post (I had to have time to calm down and this place is my "garden of tranquility". I am going to stop everything, hugs my kids, tell them I love them and remember that this too shall pass. I am going to really think before I speak until my mood changes for the better and try to be extra affectionate to my kids until this phase has subsided.
You aren't alone when it comes to anger problems. Realizing it is important, realizing it and doing nothing to change it is a tragedy.
DD |
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Sending you a cyber hug, thanks for the kind words and I am sorry you are in the same place as I am. Stay strong and I will do the same.
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purpleydog
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #8 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 6:55pm » |
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Hi Matt,
I understand right where you are right now. I've been there so many times, I'm embarrassed to admit it. When I'm in pain, and it's not letting up, especially CH, or migraine, or both, I get extremely irritable. I've bit the nurse's head off at various doc appointments, and I was really bad on the phone. I hated dealing with anyone in public, because I swear, they are all total morons with IQ's of 60 or less.
Of course, my family has always borne the brunt of it, just because they are closest. As I've gotten older, I've learned to deal with it, and take a deep breath, and I realize that this will pass, and I tell myself to be nice to the people I'm talking with, because if I do that, so much more gets done, and I leave them happy, which makes me calm.
Steph is right though, Life is way too short to spend it being angry. When I looked at myself, I was finding myself getting pissed off about the littlest things. You know what they say about the small stuff...And everyone makes mistakes, including me, so I was slowly able to let a lot of it go. A lot of it, I noticed, just wasn't that important. It's the pain, not the people.
Hopefully, your shrink will show you ways to help blow off steam. And, let your family know if you are walking away to calm down, so they don't worry. Unfortunately, my family still gets the brunt of my anger, because they are the closest, but it's very few and far between now.
I know your situation is frustrating. I've been there myself. Let me know if you need to talk. Check yer pm's.
Chris
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Charlie
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #9 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 9:11pm » |
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Sorry Matt:
What a shitty thing to have to deal with. Blow off your steam here for now. I vote for meds as the problem.
When I began Lamictal about 5 years ago, I have a shorter fuse. That's been a real problem a couple of times. I tore into a clerk or two....not that they didn't act like idiots, but I'm a big guy and it looks worse for large loudmouths like me. Explaining the drug interaction is pretty thin after the fact.
Hope you get on top of this soon.
Charlie
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BB
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #10 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 9:16pm » |
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Hi Matt,
Sunct or CH both involve the hypothalamus which controls a lot of hormones including dopamine and endorphine and adrenaline, things that can play havoc with your emotions whether you are concious of them or not. So its not you who have changed and become more angry but the imbalances of the chemicals that contribute to it.
I started a thread on CH and personality change and got a yes from a lot of people. Once the pain and the chemicals ease off though, things will return to normal.
Make sure your family understands this and that you are not taking it out on them deliberately. Best that you come here and vent to us who understand and can share it from you, plus you can dish it out to the psych too, she is a professional she will be able to handle it.
Once you have vented somewhere else and release some steam then return to your family to give them all a hug.
Hang in there, no matter how long the tunnel is, there is always light at the end, and you dont need to go through the tunnel alone, we are here too.
Take care, pf wishes comming your way.
Annette
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Fredmyyster
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #11 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 10:35pm » |
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Easier said than done but, try to hang in there bro... weez rootin for ya !
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #12 on: Oct 2nd, 2006, 10:50pm » |
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Matt,
if this, by Helen, didn't give you a laugh nothing will.
Quote:you're normal (just like meeeeeeeeeeeee! )
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When I am having a really hard time, I sleep elsewhere. I'm happier that way.
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kcopelin
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #13 on: Oct 3rd, 2006, 9:14am » |
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Um...Linda....that's, um, interesting. Right along with spending the day trying to find JeffBs balls. Matt, listen dude-you, the real you, is kind and comapssionate and loves his family. Please listen to BB on this-its not "you" acting like a butthead. That said, I get explosive sometimes too and my family knows it'll pass and that I love them. My son also knows that he can use a bit of guilt on me-I caught on to him fortunately.
Matt, hang in there-your family loves you, we love you and things will be better.
PFDAN
kathy
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Charlotte
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #14 on: Oct 3rd, 2006, 9:40am » |
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I understand, and it sucks.
It's hard to be gratefull when you want to bite the head off of anyone who comes near you, and you don't know if it will ever end.
I'm sorry, Matter. Hang in there.
Charlotte
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Melissa
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #15 on: Oct 3rd, 2006, 10:31am » |
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Oh how I wish Mary D was still around.  Matt, there was a woman on here, years ago, who went through the gauntlet of testing like you did and was finally RX'd with SUNCT too. The last time I saw her in person was at the Vancouver convention. I kept in contact with her until about 6 months ago, when her email addy was no more.
I so wish she could be here right now to help you.
I'm sorry.
mel
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Mattrf
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #16 on: Oct 3rd, 2006, 10:58am » |
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Go to a counselor yesterday did help, spent an hour going over all that has happened to me in the last four years, two SUNCT attacks and a neck fusion and all the friggin pills for pain and the treatment by the doctors that I was just trying to get drugs. Felt good to get it our and she had suffered in the past from chronic back pain for an extended time and really empathized with me and was very understanding. I had a really bad pain day but still felt better since I got all that off my chest.
Thanks for all the support, she asked me what I did to help cope and the list was short of things that work but this place was the # 1 thing on it.
Matt
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There is no stronger a person then one who can deal with brain pain and still function.
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Mrs Deej
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Re: Angry once again so I am told.
« Reply #17 on: Oct 3rd, 2006, 6:02pm » |
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on Oct 3rd, 2006, 10:58am, Mattrf wrote:| Thanks for all the support, she asked me what I did to help cope and the list was short of things that work but this place was the # 1 thing on it. |
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That's what we are here for silly!
You know you can always call this place your "home away from home"...the light is always on!!!
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Live everyday as if it were your last, ALWAYS say 'I love you' when leaving someone dear to your heart and NEVER go to bed angry!
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