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Topic: Grandkids (Read 117 times) |
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I know that this should probably be on the "funnies" board, but I am in a shi**y mood tonight and need to come up with some positve way to say goodnight so....shoot me ...please 
As always I hope for better days and a good night for all tonight!
Only a grandparent would understand these!
Others will just laugh.
My young grandson called the other day to wish me
Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I
told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then
he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
_______________
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother
changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and
proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children
getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew
thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and
stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with
stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the
three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was
THAT?"
_______________
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what
her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside
on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung
from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We
picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last
she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
_______________
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,
"Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how
are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
_______________
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her
grandfather's word processor. She told him she was
writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "You know I can't read yet."
_______________
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her
colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point
out something and ask what color it was. She would
tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun
for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the
door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should
try to figure out some of these yourself!"
_______________
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten
Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one.
The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou
shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."
_______________
Our five-year-old grandson couldn't wait to tell his
grandfather about the movie we had watched on
television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes
with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him
wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband
interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?"
With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Grandpa, it
was the 20,000 leaks!!"
_______________
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation
cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to
keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few
fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did,
Billy whispered "it's too late grandpa, the mosquitoes
are coming after us with flashlights."
_______________
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly
replied, "I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine
says I'm four to six."
_______________
A second grader came home from school and said
to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We
learned how to make babies today."
The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried
to keep her cool even though she was worried what
the child may have been told. "That's interesting,"
she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y'
to 'i' and add 'es'
_______________
Children's Logic:
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a
teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder
pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't
you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means
carrying a child
____________________
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station
wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck
zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire
truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started
discussing the dog's duties.
They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No, said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They
use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire
hydrant."
....Tim
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I AM THE MASTER OF MY MIND, MY BODY, AND MY EMOTIONS...
it's just my head that sucks...http://www.centerforlit.com/
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