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Topic: Newest Navy Ship (Read 175 times) |
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Tom K
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Newest Navy Ship
« on: Aug 19th, 2006, 5:40pm » |
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The USS William J. Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver, WA. The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton "for his foresight in military budget cuts" and his conduct while president.
The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat aircraft which forms a very menacing presence, although it cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck.
As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board. The 20-person crew is completely diversified and includes members of all races, creeds, sex and sexual orientation.
This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs.
An onboard Type 1 DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language, to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may sound hollow and disingenuous, the Navy states that all apologies will sound very sincere.
The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defense - but instead in times of conflict the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada.
The ship may be positioned near the Democratic National Party Headquarters for photo-ops and can be used extensively for social experimentation, and whatever other worthless jobs the ex-commander-in-chief and his wife can think of.
It is largely rumored that the ship will also be the set for the upcoming season of MTV's "The Real World".
The ship was commissioned USS William J Clinton when someone realized the USS Blowfish was already taken.
Sometimes you have to laugh...
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Jonny
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Re: Newest Navy Ship
« Reply #1 on: Aug 19th, 2006, 5:53pm » |
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Sink the fucking thing.....NOW!!!!
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Paul98
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Does it have an onboard presidential pornshop library?
he,he
-P.
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Callico
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Re: Newest Navy Ship
« Reply #3 on: Aug 19th, 2006, 9:56pm » |
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Tom,
Thought you might like to see a photo of our newest aircraft carrier, but I don't know how to get it from my email to this site.  I tried to copy and paste it, but it didn't work.
jc
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"When He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him; He turns on the right I cannot see Him. But He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me I shall come forth as gold." Job23:9,10
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roy21302
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Re: Newest Navy Ship
« Reply #5 on: Aug 20th, 2006, 7:38am » |
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Hi Guys,
Her Majesties Royal Navy must have borrowed the plans for this type of ship from your Goverment. They have just launched HMS Tony Blair, however it sunk on touching the water as it was full of Bull-Shit, apparantly from a Texas bull Bush!! Cheers Roy
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