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Topic: Now taking applications... (Read 324 times) |
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Azrael
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Sometimes... Being good just ain't worth it.
   
 
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Now taking applications...
« on: Aug 7th, 2006, 2:15pm » |
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I am now taking applications for the position of future ex-wife. The position's responsibilities include, but are not limited to cooking, cleaning, giving me massages, and telling me bedtime stories as well as other bedtime duties, Applicants should have superior oral skills and be able to perform multiple positions. Big knockers and no knickers are a plus. The pay scale for this position is crap, because I'm piss poor. All applicants must be available to start training immediately, and training will last until after the current future ex-wife gets promoted to the position of ex-wife in the near future.
The line for an application and preliminary interview/audition begins to the left. Please no pushing and/or shoving... Everyone will have a chance to fill out an application, but only applications from females will be accepted, and therefore only females will be allowed to audition. Please bring your own props to the audition... And wearing something sexy and low-cut will be most appreciated. Thank you.
PFDAN................................................................... ..... ShadowLrd
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chewy
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #1 on: Aug 7th, 2006, 2:24pm » |
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First interviews initial screenings will be conducted by Chewy.
So make it good!
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| « Last Edit: Aug 7th, 2006, 2:24pm by chewy » |
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JeffB
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Wide open till you see God, then brake
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #2 on: Aug 7th, 2006, 2:45pm » |
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Nice! 
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" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
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LeLimey
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #3 on: Aug 7th, 2006, 2:46pm » |
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Why any woman marries any man is a mystery.
Why she would marry two is a bigga-mystery 
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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imnotbub
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #4 on: Aug 7th, 2006, 3:26pm » |
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on Aug 7th, 2006, 2:46pm, LeLimey wrote:Why any woman marries any man is a mystery.
Why she would marry two is a bigga-mystery |
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I can understand why a man would marry once, ignorance is bliss, but multiple times? I guess some of us are gluttons for punishment.
Steve
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Life may not be good, but I think it beats the alternative, and if it doesn't, we'll find out soon enough
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Kevin_M
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withered branches grow green again.
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #5 on: Aug 7th, 2006, 3:31pm » |
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Oh great Shadow Lord...
They line up for you as you speak.
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Tiannia
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Life does not apologies......
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #6 on: Aug 7th, 2006, 3:48pm » |
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Note the cig in the shadow to the right and all the "butch" haircuts. I am sure you might end up with a few lipstick lesbians..... 
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| « Last Edit: Aug 7th, 2006, 4:02pm by Tiannia » |
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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Kevin_M
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withered branches grow green again.
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #7 on: Aug 7th, 2006, 5:21pm » |
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She's on her way, oh Lord.
Just yet, they're not.
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Tom K
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Wait 5 days, but I'm angry now...
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #8 on: Aug 7th, 2006, 9:02pm » |
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Oldie but a goodie...
Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:
- A"Don't remind me again" button
- Minimize button
- An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.
An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware
probe feature to be much more useful.
I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable
traces of the application in the system.
Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0
BUG WARNING
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
BUG WORK-AROUNDS
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.
Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.
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"America, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind. America, America."-Bart Simpson
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Azrael
New Board Hall of Famer
Sometimes... Being good just ain't worth it.
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Posts: 1786
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #9 on: Aug 8th, 2006, 12:32am » |
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Dammit Chewy... You're supposed to be interviewin' 'em... Not scarin' 'em all away... And why did you fill out like 100 applications yourself?
PFDAN................................................................... ........... ShadowLrd
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George_J
CH.com Alumnus
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White-Breasted Nuthatch
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #10 on: Aug 8th, 2006, 1:57am » |
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on Aug 7th, 2006, 3:26pm, imnotbub wrote:
I can understand why a man would marry once, ignorance is bliss, but multiple times? I guess some of us are gluttons for punishment.
Steve
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My brother married the same woman twice, and divorced her twice.
He's a slow learner.
George
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Ah! The foreigners put on such airs
Wearing the tangerine suits
And their harlequin eyes.
The pain they inspire
Draws in harmonica melodies
And the feathers of birds
Which flame up at their touch.
It all comes to light in the sheer
Debonair.
(Ellen)
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BarbaraD
CH.com Alumnus
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Hugs to ya
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Posts: 5164
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #11 on: Aug 8th, 2006, 5:42am » |
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on Aug 7th, 2006, 9:02pm, Tom K wrote:Oldie but a goodie...
Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).
At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:
- A"Don't remind me again" button
- Minimize button
- An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.
An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware
probe feature to be much more useful.
I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable
traces of the application in the system.
Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0
BUG WARNING
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
BUG WORK-AROUNDS
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.
Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet. |
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Words of wisdom.... 
Hugs BD
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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chewy
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #12 on: Aug 8th, 2006, 5:48am » |
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Quote:| Dammit Chewy... You're supposed to be interviewin' 'em... Not scarin' 'em all away |
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So what are you sayin? Dont wear the speedo?
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Azrael
New Board Hall of Famer
Sometimes... Being good just ain't worth it.
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Posts: 1786
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Re: Now taking applications...
« Reply #13 on: Aug 8th, 2006, 7:02am » |
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on Aug 8th, 2006, 5:48am, chewy wrote:| So what are you sayin? Dont wear the speedo? |
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At least cross your legs while sitting down with a skirt on...
PFDAN................................................. ShadowLrd
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