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Topic: Virus Alert (Read 170 times) |
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medic1852
CH.com Alumnus
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This will only hurt for a little while!
 
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Virus Alert
« on: Jun 22nd, 2006, 10:51am » |
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BUENOS DIAS!!
>> >
>> > JOU HAVE YUST RECEIB A MEHICAN BIRUS!!!!! SEENCE WE NOT SO
>> >TEKNOGICKLY ADBANCED IN MEHICO, DIS IS A MANUEL BIRUS. PLEASE DELETE ALL
>>DE
>> >FILES ON JOUR HARD DRIVE JOURSELF AND SEND DIS E-MAIL TO EBERYONE JOU
>>KNOW.
>> >
>> > TAN JOU POR YELPING ME.
>> >
>> > DE MEXICAN HACKER
One blonde asks another,
> "Which is farther away, Florida or the moon?"
>
> "Hello!" says the other blonde. "Can you see Florida from here?"
Man Laws
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose
of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model
and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird
and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before
the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.
A very unattractive, mean acting' woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids. After shoving her way past several customers waiting to get carts, she says to the Wal-Mart greeter, "Go through those carts and find me one that doesn't need oiling for once!"
"Yes Ma'am, happy to oblige," says the Greeter r, and goes and picks out a cart for her. "Here you are, Ma'am, hope this one is okay," he says. "If you'd get out of my way, maybe I could find out!" snaps the woman.
"Sorry, Ma'am," the Greeter says, standing aside, "And you and the twins have a nice day."
The woman snarls, "They're not twins, you moron! They don't even look alike."
The greeter smiles, "No they don't Ma'am. I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."
Ok so it wasnt a real virus. 
Rodger
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Shoot Low Sherrif He's Riding a Sheltland Pony!
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Richr8
New Board Hall of Famer
It's all about today...
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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #1 on: Jun 24th, 2006, 12:29pm » |
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 I'll be saving these.
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pf wishes,
Rich
...because yesterday is history and you never know what tomorrow will bring.
"Med free"- A few seeds and lots of O2-LG but not great.
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Jasmyn
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Each day will be a new trick in life's journey
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Posts: 2762
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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #2 on: Jun 24th, 2006, 12:33pm » |
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14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
Jimi needs a friend. 
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Jazz
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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Azrael
New Board Hall of Famer
Sometimes... Being good just ain't worth it.
  
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Posts: 1786
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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #3 on: Jun 24th, 2006, 12:39pm » |
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on Jun 24th, 2006, 12:22pm, KingOfPain wrote:#6.
This one [complaining of the beer type] happened at my friend's house many a year ago, my friend made our mutual friend [the complainer] leave...LOL!
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I've always lived by the credo... If it's free... Don't complain... At least not where everyone can hear ya. Hey... That sorta works for sex too... If it's free, don't complain, but if you're payin' for it (a.k.a. marriage) then bitch all ya want.
PFDAN............................................................. ShadowLord
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"Hello police? I would like to report a robbery. Someone stole all my beer while I was drunk."
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BobG
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender:
Posts: 5747
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Re: Virus Alert
« Reply #4 on: Jun 24th, 2006, 12:41pm » |
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Quote:10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. |
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Uh oh! 
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Stay stressed. Never relax. Never sleep. Ever.
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