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Topic: Never Argue with a Woman (Read 152 times) |
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minnie
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my greatest joys are my daughters April & Beth
 
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Never Argue with a Woman
« on: May 26th, 2006, 12:04pm » |
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Never Argue with a Woman
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?"
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
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Guiseppi
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Re: Never Argue with a Woman
« Reply #1 on: May 26th, 2006, 12:05pm » |
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Arguing with a woman is like wrestling in the mud with a pig. After a while, you realize they are enjoying it!
Guiseppi
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Why are all sensors, seeking intelligent life, pointed AWAY from earth?
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sandie99
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Re: Never Argue with a Woman
« Reply #2 on: May 26th, 2006, 12:09pm » |
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Thank you, Minnie! 
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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echo
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Chronic and still alive --- I Win!
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Re: Never Argue with a Woman
« Reply #3 on: May 26th, 2006, 12:11pm » |
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on May 26th, 2006, 12:05pm, Guiseppi wrote:Arguing with a woman is like wrestling in the mud with a pig. After a while, you realize they are enjoying it!
Guiseppi |
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LMAO -- never heard that before. Damn sure true!
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
Proud Dad of a US Marine, and a former Marine turned Police Officer.
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Jasmyn
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Re: Never Argue with a Woman
« Reply #4 on: May 26th, 2006, 12:12pm » |
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Oh Guiseppi, wise words... seems like you have some valuable life experience, good for you!
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Jazz
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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minnie
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my greatest joys are my daughters April & Beth
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Re: Never Argue with a Woman
« Reply #5 on: May 26th, 2006, 12:12pm » |
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> Retirement does not have to be boring.
>
>
> Dear Mrs. Toombs,
> Over the past six months, your husband, Mr.
> Elbert Toombs has been
> causing quite a commotion in our store. We
> cannot tolerate this type of
> behavior and have considered banning the
> entire family from shopping in
> any of our stores.
>
> We have documented all incidents on our video
> surveillance equipment.
> Three of our clerks are attending counseling
> from the trouble your
> husband has caused. All complaints against
> Mr.Toombs have been compiled
> and are listed below.
>
> Mr. Wally Zimbrowski, Wal-Mart Complaint
> Department
>
> MEMO
>
> Re: Mr. Elbert Toombs - Complaints - 15 Things
> Mr. Toombs has done while
> his spouse/partner is shopping:
>
> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and
> randomly put them in people's
> carts when they weren't looking.
>
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in
> Housewares to go off at 5-minute
> intervals.
>
> 3 July 7: Made a trail of pineapple juice on
> the floor leading to the
> rest rooms.
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told
> her in an official tone,
> 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what
> happened.
>
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and
> asked to put a bag of M&M's
> on lay away.
>
> 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'
> sign to a carpeted area.
>
> 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping
> department and told other
> shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring
> pillows from the bedding
> department.
>
> 8 September 23: When a clerk asks if they can
> help him, he begins to
> cry and asks Why can't you people just leave
> me alone?'
>
> 9. October 4: Looked right into the security
> camera; used it as a
> mirror, and picked his nose.
>
> 10. November 10: While handling guns in the
> hunting department, asked
> the clerk if he knows where the
> antidepressants are.
>
> 11. December 3: Darted around the store
> suspiciously loudly humming the
> "Mission Impossible" theme.
>
> 12. December 6: In the auto department,
> practiced his "Madonna look"
> using different size funnels.
>
> 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and
> when people browse through,
> yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
>
> 14. December 21: When an announcement came
> over the loud speaker, he
> assumes the fetal position and screams "NO!
> NO! It's those voices
> again!!!!"
>
> (And; last, but not least)
>
> 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room,
> shut the door and waited a
> while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no
> toilet paper in here!"
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Friends are Angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly
______________
You may only be one person to the world
but you may also be the world to one person.
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Redd
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
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Posts: 6661
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Re: Never Argue with a Woman
« Reply #6 on: May 26th, 2006, 12:22pm » |
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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LeLimey
CH.com Alumnus
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
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Posts: 11720
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Re: Never Argue with a Woman
« Reply #7 on: May 26th, 2006, 12:26pm » |
Quote Modify
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on May 26th, 2006, 12:12pm, minnie wrote:> Retirement does not have to be boring.
>
>
> Dear Mrs. Toombs,
> Over the past six months, your husband, Mr.
> Elbert Toombs has been
> causing quite a commotion in our store. We
> cannot tolerate this type of
> behavior and have considered banning the
> entire family from shopping in
> any of our stores.
>
> We have documented all incidents on our video
> surveillance equipment.
> Three of our clerks are attending counseling
> from the trouble your
> husband has caused. All complaints against
> Mr.Toombs have been compiled
> and are listed below.
>
> Mr. Wally Zimbrowski, Wal-Mart Complaint
> Department
>
> MEMO
>
> Re: Mr. Elbert Toombs - Complaints - 15 Things
> Mr. Toombs has done while
> his spouse/partner is shopping:
>
> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and
> randomly put them in people's
> carts when they weren't looking.
>
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in
> Housewares to go off at 5-minute
> intervals.
>
> 3 July 7: Made a trail of pineapple juice on
> the floor leading to the
> rest rooms.
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told
> her in an official tone,
> 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what
> happened.
>
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and
> asked to put a bag of M&M's
> on lay away.
>
> 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'
> sign to a carpeted area.
>
> 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping
> department and told other
> shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring
> pillows from the bedding
> department.
>
> 8 September 23: When a clerk asks if they can
> help him, he begins to
> cry and asks Why can't you people just leave
> me alone?'
>
> 9. October 4: Looked right into the security
> camera; used it as a
> mirror, and picked his nose.
>
> 10. November 10: While handling guns in the
> hunting department, asked
> the clerk if he knows where the
> antidepressants are.
>
> 11. December 3: Darted around the store
> suspiciously loudly humming the
> "Mission Impossible" theme.
>
> 12. December 6: In the auto department,
> practiced his "Madonna look"
> using different size funnels.
>
> 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and
> when people browse through,
> yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
>
> 14. December 21: When an announcement came
> over the loud speaker, he
> assumes the fetal position and screams "NO!
> NO! It's those voices
> again!!!!"
>
> (And; last, but not least)
>
> 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room,
> shut the door and waited a
> while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no
> toilet paper in here!"
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That sounds like it should have been "Dear mrs Weeden"... where IS Frank anyway?! 
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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