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Topic: WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT (Read 244 times) |
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Killroy 2.0
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WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT
« on: May 24th, 2006, 10:35pm » |
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WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America. Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
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Jonny
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Re: WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT
« Reply #1 on: May 24th, 2006, 10:43pm » |
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I am fucking HARD!!!!!
WOW!!!
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jimmers
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Re: WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT
« Reply #2 on: May 24th, 2006, 10:51pm » |
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on May 24th, 2006, 10:43pm, Jonny wrote:I am fucking HARD!!!!!
WOW!!! |
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Please step away from the Viagra, ya might hurt someone with that thing! 
Jimmers
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Redd
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Re: WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT
« Reply #3 on: May 24th, 2006, 10:53pm » |
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No comment...
Nope Nope Nope
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Kevin_M
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withered branches grow green again.
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Re: WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT
« Reply #4 on: May 24th, 2006, 11:16pm » |
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on May 24th, 2006, 10:35pm, Gena wrote:| A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. |
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It's going to have to be "buy a Canadian a drink" at the convention for that one. But not a domestic beer, they already suspect that's where all our pissing goes.
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| « Last Edit: May 24th, 2006, 11:26pm by Kevin_M » |
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floridian
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Message to Canada: after we were attacked on 9/11 by Al Qaeda and the Taleban, you supported the invasion of Afghanistan. You sent 2300 troops as part of the largest Canadian military operation since the Korean war. In May of 2006, your Captain Nichola Goddard fell in combat, bringing the number of Cannucks to die in Afghanistan to 16. Like the US, You sent agricultural and economic experts to help rebuild Afghanistan.
Don't think your sacrifice of lives and material will get you anything but contempt from your neighbors to the south. You simply aren't doing enough for us. We Americans have a reputation for being ignorant about world affairs and rude to our allies. And we intend to live up to that reputation. The fact that your nation is only 1/10th the size of the US doesn't get you off the hook - you should be contributing as much to our wars as we do.
So stop holding open and honest debates in that sissy Parliament of yours, and send more troops to Iraq. Now. Would it kill you to give a few more compliments to our president? And try to be more like Poland, OK?
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| « Last Edit: May 25th, 2006, 8:19am by floridian » |
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unsolved1
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I didn't see the "Dear Iran" section 
UNsolved
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