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Topic: Life (Read 296 times) |
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Azrael
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Sometimes... Being good just ain't worth it.
   
 
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Is it wrong that I wish I was dead? I wish I had never came to Pennsylvania... But then I wouldn't have my kids, but then I wouldn't have this pain... I don't know what to think, or what I am doing anymore... What is the purpose of living when the only things I love are gone?
I'm sorry for all the bad things I've done, and how much of an arsehole I am... I never meant to be like this... Oh well...
Just ignore this shit and forget it... I'll be alright... I'm just a very stupid person, feeling sorry for himself... C'est la vie...
PFDAN.................................................. Drk^Angel
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| « Last Edit: May 1st, 2006, 6:05am by Azrael » |
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BarbaraD
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Hugs to ya
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Re: Life
« Reply #1 on: May 1st, 2006, 8:17am » |
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Drk -- I think what you're going thru is depression -- it's something that we all get into occasionally.
There's no answer as to "why" this happens to us - it just does and we go on and do the best we can.
That's what's so great about this MB -- you can say anything you want and we will understand cause most of us have been right where you are at this moment.
Hang in there.... it will get better -- I promise...
Hugs BD
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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alchemy
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get out of my head
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Re: Life
« Reply #2 on: May 1st, 2006, 8:25am » |
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Drk, your not a stupid person. your human!!! part of battling the beast is often battling the depression that comes with it. we all have regrets in our life part of being human!! hang in there and keep posting, your value is more than you'll ever know.
jim
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Richr8
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It's all about today...
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Re: Life
« Reply #3 on: May 1st, 2006, 12:46pm » |
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Dark, Sorry you are hurting. I am in the same boat with the divorce and all. Sometimes I think I have gotten my whole life wrong, but I do believe that this is temporary and that there are better things over the horizon. It's never a bad idea to reflect on what has been, as long as we use what we find to correct our course and make a better way. You have to figure out what works and toss aside the rest. I hate to admit it, but Dr. Phil says something regularly that I have given a lot of thought, and that is, "how is that working for you?" Keep the faith bro. I'm not sure how far off they are, but better times are coming.
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pf wishes,
Rich
...because yesterday is history and you never know what tomorrow will bring.
"Med free"- A few seeds and lots of O2-LG but not great.
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Linda_Howell
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Hearing is one thing. Listening is another.
 
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Re: Life
« Reply #4 on: May 1st, 2006, 1:34pm » |
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NO....Drk. We are not going to ignore this like you said. You may be alone in your house, but you are NOT alone here. We're here to help you in any way we can.
Believe it or not Drk, this heart-pain you are going through is making you stronger every single day. Stronger in the sense that it's making you a better person to acknowledge what you did wrong and to make it better in the future.
Everything you love is NOT gone, and there are a lot of things and people to love in your future. Your children are still your children and they love you.
Feeling sorry for yourself is o.k. wallow in it for a while and then pick your ass off the ground and go on. 
Linda
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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cootie
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sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
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Re: Life
« Reply #5 on: May 1st, 2006, 2:39pm » |
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Seems to me yur onea the cool more popular people here.......so there ya go........you have your rank and you are SPECIAL sumwhere and loved.........once you get life running smoother you'll find special things you like makeing life more special. Sum of us never find our spot and jus keep lookin Pam
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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aprilbee
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Ain't I a stinkah!!
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Re: Life
« Reply #6 on: May 1st, 2006, 2:48pm » |
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I think you deserve a few hugs...you know what I need to hear when I feel this way??
EVERYTHING is going to be OKAY...(and it will ya' know?)
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Woobie
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I luv you guys!!!!!!!!
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Re: Life
« Reply #7 on: May 1st, 2006, 4:22pm » |
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hang in ther drk.
 woobs
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tanner
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Adopt a POW/MIA I have
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Re: Life
« Reply #8 on: May 1st, 2006, 4:37pm » |
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my friend Drk, if your an arsehole or an idiot or stupid i must have slept through those days.
what you are is a great guy, great supporter of others in need (like me) and someone that is catching a lot of shit all at one time.
but as you know you are not alone!
talk to us, pop a couple cold ones, headout to the mountains, do whatever you need to do to remind yourself why you are on this earth and everything this earth has to offer!
remember that we all stick together and we all stick it out....
your friend and companion in this sometimes hell.....
check your messages my phone # is there... use it
even in the wee hours........tim
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I AM THE MASTER OF MY MIND, MY BODY, AND MY EMOTIONS...
it's just my head that sucks...http://www.centerforlit.com/
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Charlie
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Happy to be here
 
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Re: Life
« Reply #9 on: May 1st, 2006, 6:56pm » |
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Tanner said it all for me Dark.
You're one of the buttresses that prop us up.
By this thread you demonstrated it.
You need a smiley: 
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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Kevin_M
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withered branches grow green again.
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Re: Life
« Reply #10 on: May 1st, 2006, 7:26pm » |
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on May 1st, 2006, 6:04am, Drk^Angel wrote:| all the bad things I've done, and how much of an arsehole I am... |
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You're certainly not alone on this one Ken, dark memories creep around at times, good to have dark angels. Then you get back up.
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| « Last Edit: May 1st, 2006, 9:07pm by Kevin_M » |
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Dave_Emond
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I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
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Re: Life
« Reply #11 on: May 1st, 2006, 8:18pm » |
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Dark ...
All I can say is I understand to well your post. Wish I had read it before I made my "Nowhere Man" post.
You hit home on an area that has bothered me for years. When I say "I'd rather be dead than alive" people think I'm talking suicide. I'm not. But, to be honest, there's hardly a day that goes by that I don't try to think of a way I could die and get this over without it being considered suicide. Haven't found that answer yet. All I have is time ... it will take care of the problems itself in the near future. Now ... what do I try to do with that time? As I write this, I'm frustrated as can be, but ... I know deep inside I still have to fight, wish I had a magical reason why ... but I know I must at least try. If you knew how much I understand your questions we'd be like twins.
Let's try our best to fight together along with all our family here. Best I can say right now, no great words of wisdom since we are thinking along the same lines. I'll fight ... you fight ... wish I could tell you why, but I know we have to.
Dave
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Obstacles are those frightful things we see when we take our minds off our goals.
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Azrael
New Board Hall of Famer
Sometimes... Being good just ain't worth it.
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Re: Life
« Reply #12 on: May 1st, 2006, 8:39pm » |
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Oy! I can be such a drunken bastard at times... Ya ever wake up in the morning and wonder who drank all the beer, then realize that you're the only one in the house... LOL
Thank y'all for everything. I'm sorry if I worried anyone. Dave E... You hit it right on the head, and I hope no one thought my post was talkin' about suicide. Suicide is not an option for me at this time. No matter what I post (Ya don't even wanna see some of the poems I've written in the wee hours) I'm still strong enough to keep myself from purposely killing myself.
I know this is temporary... This isn't the first depression I've dealt with... I've been depressed most all my life. I've had a few breakdowns, and prolly am headin' for another one soon... I just feel like I'm losin' my mind at times. Oh well... Hopefully I'll be able to deal with it better than some of the others I've had... Can't afford to quit my job and disappear for a week this time... LOL
Thank y'all again!
PFDAN.......................................................... Drk^Angel
P.S. Wonder if they sell a device for computers like they make drunks have on their cars. Maybe something like that would keep me from makin' drunken posts in the future... LOL
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"Hello police? I would like to report a robbery. Someone stole all my beer while I was drunk."
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Jonny
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Give me a shovel Ill dig my own grave!
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Re: Life
« Reply #13 on: May 1st, 2006, 8:41pm » |
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on May 1st, 2006, 8:39pm, Drk^Angel wrote:| Ya ever wake up in the morning and wonder who drank all the beer, then realize that you're the only one in the house... LOL |
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Weekly.....LMAO
Hang in there, Bud!!!
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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stevegeebe
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Re: Life
« Reply #14 on: May 1st, 2006, 9:28pm » |
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Man-o-man what a thread.
Count it as one of the good things about being a Clusterhead.
I'm not certain that I feel the way you feel...the depth..the sharpness...?
I'm finding that we wander around sometimes not knowing what is ahead and that is disturbing to us. Just keep wandering and don't pass up on the things that will add to the goodness that you show. And most of all..avoid bitterness. It steals with great odds.
Never stop wandering.
Steve G
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Dragnlance
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Monster bait
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Re: Life
« Reply #15 on: May 1st, 2006, 11:41pm » |
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Drk.. Many people have said it and I will repeat it. You are not stupid.
Ok so maybe you have been an icehole from time to time. We are clusterheads, and that happens.
We all know there is no answer to "why". It just is. I have found that when I get like that, I need to look around me. I am here for a reason. I must be making some impact somewhere. I have found that sometimes our whole reason for being where we are at this time, is so we can tell someone "good morning" and cheer up their day. I found, personally that I made one person's whole day better because I said hello.
It may be that your whole reason for being there is so that someone else can lift your spirits, and learn something in the process.
blabbing, I know... We are your friends man, and next time save me one of those damn beers!
Lance
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