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Topic: I was wrong and I openly apologize (Read 790 times) |
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LadyLuv
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I was wrong and I openly apologize
« on: Apr 28th, 2006, 2:06pm » |
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Over the years I have read and heard many time of people taking thier lives for various reasons. My thought and or statement have always been the same;
"Nothing could be that bad, there had to be another way"
For the above thought and or statement I apologize. I was in that state of mind last night. The hits and degree of pain was so fast and so hard that I felt that death would be my only relief.
I consider my self to be a very strong indiviual, a person that others comes too for advise and or assistant. I am Christian who regularly attends church and because of that fact, I guess that's the reason I've been STUCK ON STUPID for so long, feeling the way I DID about suicide. If I would have had the courage last night, I would not have been addressing this apology.
So this morning on my way to work (an hour late)... I stopped by my Sister Rosie and dropped off the weapons that I possess for house protection. Because now I realize that even a person that think they have it all together can't see the forest for the trees at certain times; and I don't want to be a statistic.
Please send healing PF and Healing Vibes my way..
Peace & Blessing
Lady Luv 
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medic1852
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This will only hurt for a little while!
 
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #1 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 2:10pm » |
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Sending thoughts of strength and pain relief your way!
Rodger 
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Redd
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #2 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 2:13pm » |
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I walked the same road myself Dear LadyLuv. I had my Brother sell my pistol so I wouldn't be so tempted again.
In addition to vibes, I'm lighting a candle for you. May it help in whatever way possible.
Pegg
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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sandie99
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #3 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 2:15pm » |
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((((((((((((Healing vibes))))))))))))
I'll say a prayer for you tonight.
Wishing you strength & lots of PF time asap,
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Jonny
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #4 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 2:20pm » |
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No need to apologize, Sweetie...You hang in there 
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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Gator
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #5 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 2:25pm » |
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Thanks for checking in and for sharing that experience. I've been down that road you were on last night. I felt the struggle you felt and I'll tell you that your mind was playing tricks with your perception. It takes no strength or courage to pull the trigger. It takes courage not to.
I'm glad you HAD the courage NOT to.
Hugs and vibes to you.
Mike
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sandie99
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #6 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 2:33pm » |
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on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:25pm, Gator wrote:It takes no strength or courage to pull the trigger. It takes courage not to.
I'm glad you HAD the courage NOT to.
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I agree with Mike.
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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alchemy
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get out of my head
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #7 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 2:36pm » |
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Ladyluv, I've been down that road a few times. It's a tough battle we fight and your head can go there. When it gets like that pm me any time. pm me for my number i'm always up.
jim
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alienspacebabe
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #8 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 2:40pm » |
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on Apr 28th, 2006, 2:06pm, LadyLuv wrote: If I would have had the courage last night, I would not have been addressing this apology.
So this morning on my way to work
Peace & Blessing
Lady Luv |
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Ruthie,
You just let people at the end of their rope hear that there is a tomorrow, if they can make it through the pain.
Thank you for that.
Lizzie
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Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.
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Ghost
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #9 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 2:49pm » |
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Lady there are many her that can agree with you about this. Every one has there own point where they pass the stage of being tempted and actually pick up the gun. I as others have hit that point. If it was not for the picture of my Wife and Kids I would not have stopped. You do not need to apologize, I just wish that noone else ever has to pass that point again. To everyone here and to all who have not found us yet, I hope you remember that the pain does go and you will survive. Belive in the power of Family and Love. Hold those you care for close to your heart and give them all you have to give, they will return it when you need it back.
Mike
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echo
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #10 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 2:54pm » |
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Been there!
Glad you were able to muster the strength to avoid pulling the trigger.
(All my hand guns are in a safety deposit box)
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
Proud Dad of a US Marine, and a former Marine turned Police Officer.
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Jackie
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #11 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 3:29pm » |
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Bless your heart, Ruthie......and no need for an apology.
I'm really glad you're here and we all want you to stay. You are a strong person....you're a clusterhead!!!
So.....behave yourself my friend......I'm not done with you yet... 
Love to you,
Jackie 
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LadyLuv
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #12 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 3:33pm » |
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God Bless You all.
Thanks for being there and thanks for understanding..
There is no way I can express on this screen what I feel in my heart for this group right now.. You might can't stop the pain, but you make living with it a lot more bearable, and I thank each of you.
I have been shadowing all day... I'm feeling very depress and fearful of night fall, but two things that I have learned here today is: I know there is a tomorrow and I know that there is one helluva group of people that really care; THANKS GUYS...
Jim I will remember that you are up all times of night ...
Peace & Blessings
Luv & Prayers
Lady Luv
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Jackie
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #13 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 3:37pm » |
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One more thing, Luv.....
Hang on tight to Rosie....she loves you and would do anything to help....but you know that. Tell her I said "Hi"....will ya...
I'm only a phone call away too.
Love to you,
Jackie
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Cathi04
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #14 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 3:37pm » |
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LadyLuv, you brought tears to my eyes!
To think that someone else would be missing here breaks my heart!
Never, EVER let the beast win!! I know he's hard on you.,,,,,,,,really, REALLY hard, but he cannnot win!
Clusterheads are still the strongest people on the face of this earth! Thank you for giving up your weapons, but there is no apology needed..
you are still here.and that is enough!
Big Big Hugs for you,
and wishes for a peaceful night and a PF weekend!
Cathi
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LeLimey
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #15 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 3:48pm » |
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This family is only strong because of its members. Without you we all lose, we're here for you every day and any time. If there is anything (and you know what I mean!) that you need then say the word, it will be yours.
Support, love, something stronger we have it all for you just as you have had it all for us.
We love you and we need you and we're VERY glad you're here today.
Counting my blessings
Helen xxxx
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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maffumatt
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #16 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 4:52pm » |
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I don't like these threads, check your PMs LadyLuv.
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Gator
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #17 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 5:32pm » |
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Unfortunately, this kind of thing is just another part of our lives as clusterheads. The posts from people on the edge bring that reality back into focus. The best thing we can do is support each other, which the people of this family do. My door is always open or I am just a phone call away for anyone who needs a life line. There is also the Family Services Team from OUCH, http://www.ouch-us.org/familysvs/familysvs1.shtml, who will do whatever they can to help by providing information and support by PM, e-mail, online chat or telephone.
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BarbaraD
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Hugs to ya
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #18 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 5:56pm » |
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I agree with Gator -- these threads, while disturbing -- need to be in the open...
We all have been there... we all have had a "plan" and (as one neuro put it) if you haven't thought about it then you don't have CH.
But that's why this board is so important to us all -- we're here to support each other because WE DO UNDERSTAND. And no one here is alone. I've lost two friends in my hometown because of CH (before this board was up) and I don't want to see it happen again.
We all need to remember why we're here and when the petty bitches start - just let that part go and get back to the support we all need.
Glad you're still with us Ladyluv - and if you need a shoulder - I've got two big ones....
Hugs BD
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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Charlie
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #19 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 6:47pm » |
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You're here. We're good with that.
Good stuff from this amazing crowd.
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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JeffB
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #20 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 7:04pm » |
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I don't know you guys from spit, but I do know what you go through. I've been episodic since 92 and even had a five year break from the beast until it returned about two years ago. Thats when I found you guys. I know I don't have alot of posts here mainly because I read what you all experience and frankly, every post I read makes me feel better and I thank you all for that " SO NONE OF YOU FOCKERS GO ANYWHERE"!
If you find yourself in Sacramento feel free to look me up, unless you're a mass murderer!
My name is Jeff and if you check out www.workers.com you can get some contact info. I must give you a warning though, more than twenty minutes with me and you probably will want those guns back! Stay cool everyone and keep putting those posts up, otherwise I'll have to actually work.
God Bless You All, especially women with big boobs!
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" It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very little virtues."
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deltadarlin
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #21 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 8:03pm » |
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Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and burned it (not ch though). Just remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I almost died and I'm here today by the grace of God . I don't regret any minute of livin' that I've done since then.
'darlin
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pfunk
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #22 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 8:06pm » |
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Please hang in there. Don't let the beast win! We are all here for you. PF vibes and love comin your way.
Patrick
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Jonny
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Re: I was wrong and I openly apologize
« Reply #23 on: Apr 28th, 2006, 8:08pm » |
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on Apr 28th, 2006, 7:04pm, JeffB wrote:| My name is Jeff and if you check out www.workers.com you can get some contact info. |
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What info?
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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