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Topic: Trouble for me - Most likely (Read 308 times) |
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ClusterChuck
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The BEAST rises again, and again, and again, and .
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Trouble for me - Most likely
« on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 12:28pm » |
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Excerpts from a Woman’s Dictionary:
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
ALSO:
New Law :
With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots, especially during evening hours, the Minneapolis, Minnesota City Council has established a "Women Only" parking lot at the Mall of America. Even the parking lot attendants are exclusively female, so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons.
Below is the first picture available of the world's first
"Women-Only" parking lot in Minnesota.
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"No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy."
Thomas Fuller
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medic1852
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This will only hurt for a little while!
 
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #1 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 12:43pm » |
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This is for you Chuck your going to need it!
Rodger
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Shoot Low Sherrif He's Riding a Sheltland Pony!
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Linda_Howell
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Hearing is one thing. Listening is another.
 
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #2 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 12:58pm » |
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No flaming here. I'm just glad to see Chuckie-poo posting. Anything.
Linda
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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Sandy_C
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Burn that bra!
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #3 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 1:06pm » |
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on Mar 22nd, 2006, 12:28pm, ClusterChuck wrote:[u][b]
Oh yes, Chuck my friend, you most certainly will get in some trouble here. But, most likely not from the ladies. I'd
start ducking right now if I were you from the flak you're gonna get from some of the menfolk around here.
For example:
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
and he never will
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner." and burned it on the grill
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them. Nuff said
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks. which is an appliance he's never heard of
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
But if he goes, he doesn't bother to read it
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
it's called the grown man's toy store
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..." but he passes out cigars and shows how macho manley he is, but can't/won't change a diaper especially if it's got # 2 in it
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Patience - of which he has none, unless it's waiting for the game to start on TV
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card. What's a card?
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And now Chuck, do you have a nice hidey hole where I can join you cause I'm gonna take some hits from the fellas too! 
Sandy
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Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
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nani
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Got kudzu?
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #4 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 1:16pm » |
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on Mar 22nd, 2006, 12:28pm, ClusterChuck wrote:
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
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LMAO. aint that the truth!
Good to see you posting, Chuckles. 
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Others may come and go, but MY power is MINE.
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kimmiedawn81
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Stuck in the middle with you!
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #5 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 1:25pm » |
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The women's parking lot is pretty bad.....you're in for it Chuck!
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Dragnlance
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Monster bait
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #6 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 1:38pm » |
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... parking...
LMAO....
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kimmiedawn81
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Stuck in the middle with you!
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #7 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 1:42pm » |
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on Mar 22nd, 2006, 1:38pm, Dragnlance wrote:
 
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pattik
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #8 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 1:45pm » |
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Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms. I beg to differ--Hershey's Dark Chocolate Kisses
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game. ..or the last 5 minutes of a basketball game 
Gee, Chuckie...pickin' on the girls...seems like old times
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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LeLimey
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #9 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 1:50pm » |
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Oh Chuckie.. I can't argue with you. My parking IS (about to become) diabolical... So when I park ON TOP OF YOU in Milwaukee you can't say you haven't been warned! I have a good defense lined up too.. the handbrake (not to mention the steering wheel) is on the wrong side of the car!
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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mynm156
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hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #10 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 1:52pm » |
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Yeah your dead where you stand.
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"Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them."
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sandie99
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #11 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 2:32pm » |
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Hmm... Parking isn't one of my fave things, but I must say that I'm better than that!
But it's great to see you post, Chuck. 
Best wishes,
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Jasmyn
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Each day will be a new trick in life's journey
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #12 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 6:52pm » |
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Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..." and then you slap him! 
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Jazz
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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Donna_D.
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #13 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 8:17pm » |
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OH SURE!!! Good Ol' Chuckles comes back flamin' us "wimmins" and you let him off EASY???
NOT ME!!
These are for YOU Chuckie-Poo~~
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly. For My Dear Helen
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
and on a final note to Chuckie-Poo...
BITE ME!!!
Love Ya,
DD
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 The information contained above is for the expressed use of fellow clusterheads and their supporters. Any misuse of this information by any of my "Ex's" is considered to be creepy and a form of harassment and will be duly noted by the ch.com webmaster 
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chewy
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #14 on: Mar 22nd, 2006, 9:16pm » |
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Quote:Below is the first picture available of the world's first
"Women-Only" parking lot in Minnesota.
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You sure thats not the "Patient Parking" lot at the Betty Ford Clinic?
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Charlie
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #15 on: Mar 23rd, 2006, 1:31am » |
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Hilarious Chuck and I'm glad to see you posting. Be nice and do it every day.
Quote:| I have a good defense lined up too.. the handbrake (not to mention the steering wheel) is on the wrong side of the car! |
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I can't believe what I saw not long ago. I saw an English horse race in a movie and they ran the race backwards too. I never noticed that before.
It's probably why Wellington won. The little Corporal finally went up against an army that fought on the wrong side of the field.
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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Cathi04
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #16 on: Mar 23rd, 2006, 7:46am » |
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I dont believe a word of it, Chuck...sounds like it
was all written by a man, if you ask me!!
I CAN, however, explain the parking lot debacle, .........THAT was when all the MEN were turned away from the women-only lot...and DIDNT need directions to the all=park lot! 
Glad I could explain that to ya!
Jes call me Cathi...onea then Wimmens who is happy to say............
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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.
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rickyshot
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ouch
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Re: Trouble for me - Most likely
« Reply #17 on: Mar 23rd, 2006, 9:27am » |
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The parking lot is a classic.
Oh yeah Donna I like all my men "well Hung"
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