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Topic: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye candy (Read 234 times) |
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medic1852
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Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye candy
« on: Mar 20th, 2006, 4:55pm » |
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Breast or Bottle?
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed" she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning toher to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight.You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC..
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
Rodger
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Shoot Low Sherrif He's Riding a Sheltland Pony!
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Jimi
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Who loves ya baby!
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #1 on: Mar 20th, 2006, 5:08pm » |
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I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
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alienspacebabe
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yup. i am. i do. uh huh. you know it hon.
 
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #2 on: Mar 20th, 2006, 9:44pm » |
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on Mar 20th, 2006, 4:55pm, medic1852 wrote:
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
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Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.
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Langa
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #3 on: Mar 20th, 2006, 10:18pm » |
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Quote:| 7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. |
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These are great...thanks Ambulance Man!
Langa
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
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tessa_c2
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #4 on: Mar 20th, 2006, 11:38pm » |
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love the one about closeing the door when he leaves. have done it many time
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"if you didnt define yourself for yourself, you'd be crunched into other peoples fantasies of you and be eaten alive" audre lorde
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MJ
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #5 on: Mar 21st, 2006, 12:58am » |
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Traitor
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MJ
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Jasmyn
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #6 on: Mar 21st, 2006, 1:05am » |
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This one fascinated me for years, eventually I got an answer, thanks
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
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Jazz 
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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kimmiedawn81
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Stuck in the middle with you!
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #7 on: Mar 21st, 2006, 7:59am » |
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Thanks! Those are good! And it was posted by a man....which is even better!
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Dragnlance
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #8 on: Mar 21st, 2006, 9:10am » |
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agreed
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medic1852
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #9 on: Mar 21st, 2006, 9:49am » |
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on Mar 21st, 2006, 12:58am, MJ wrote:
on Mar 21st, 2006, 9:10am, Dragnlance wrote:
Go read Sun Tzu, the art of war...Then we will talk Traitor..... 
Rodger
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minnie
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #10 on: Mar 21st, 2006, 10:07am » |
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These are cute and it takes a strong man
to post jokes about men.You obviously have a sence of humor women like that.Insecurity is a turn-off.Maybe it hits the mark for some..  
Minnie who's gonna slowly back out of this thread   lol
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Friends are Angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly
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You may only be one person to the world
but you may also be the world to one person.
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Charlie
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #11 on: Mar 21st, 2006, 12:59pm » |
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   Happy now?
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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john_d
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #12 on: Mar 21st, 2006, 1:06pm » |
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on Mar 21st, 2006, 9:49am, medic1852 wrote:
Go read Sun Tzu, the art of war...Then we will talk Traitor.....
Rodger
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I've read it, they should have added a bit of wisdom...
"If your enemy is a woman, they already know all this shit and more. Evade at all costs." lol
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sandie99
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Re: Funny Stuff for the ladies...no it's not eye c
« Reply #13 on: Mar 21st, 2006, 1:16pm » |
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 Thank you so much!
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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