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Topic: Computer help, please. (Read 278 times) |
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AussieBrian
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Got beer?
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Computer help, please.
« on: Mar 18th, 2006, 9:25pm » |
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Given that my computer doesn't need a technician so much as an exorcist, I need to know whether the modem contains any toxic elements as I'm going to use it as a mooring for my dinghy and I don't want to risk damaging sea-life.
Is it alright to use ordinary silicone to plug the holes in the monitor before I turn it into a fish-tank?
The printer's working fine stopping my car from rolling downhill, but by leaving it plugged in will the flashing lights attract burglars or frighten them off?
Did you know that an up-turned keyboard exactly holds twelve cans of beer?
Appreciate the help,
Nerd-gin Brian.
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Vulcrania horrendus - twice daily, then two at night in lieu of sleep.
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chewy
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Re: Computer help, please.
« Reply #1 on: Mar 18th, 2006, 9:27pm » |
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ROFLMMFAO!
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Kevin_M
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withered branches grow green again.
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Re: Computer help, please.
« Reply #2 on: Mar 18th, 2006, 9:36pm » |
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There is a bird flu e-mail going around, did you download the vaccine for it?
If it's smoking, there is a 30-day software patch program for that too.
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| « Last Edit: Mar 18th, 2006, 9:41pm by Kevin_M » |
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thebbz
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Re: Computer help, please.
« Reply #3 on: Mar 18th, 2006, 9:40pm » |
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Are you sure your drug free?
LOL
Thanks again
jb 
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BikerBob
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Re: Computer help, please.
« Reply #4 on: Mar 18th, 2006, 11:45pm » |
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Quote:| I need to know whether the modem contains any toxic elements as I'm going to use it as a mooring for my dinghy and I don't want to risk damaging sea-life. |
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It's not the toxic elements in your modem that will damage the sea-life. It's the psycho-electronic blipfarts that the modem emanates that will certainly destroy all living creatures within 50 meters. If your modem is heavy enough to use as a mooring for your dinghy, you need a bigger dinghy.
Quote:| Is it alright to use ordinary silicone to plug the holes in the monitor before I turn it into a fish-tank? |
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No. Ordinary silicone won't work. You'll need to plug the holes in your monitor with breast implants to ensure minimal leakage.
Quote:| The printer's working fine stopping my car from rolling downhill, but by leaving it plugged in will the flashing lights attract burglars or frighten them off? |
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It will both attract burlars and frighten them off. The lights will attract them, then they will clearly see that your car has no freakin' brakes.
Quote:| Did you know that an up-turned keyboard exactly holds twelve cans of beer? |
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It must have sprung a leak. Find the leak under the keyboard and put a beer mug under it.
BB 
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Computer help, please.
« Reply #5 on: Mar 18th, 2006, 11:55pm » |
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I normally don't drink beer but damned if I didn't turn my keyboard ovder to see if you were right.
I will say that I have found that kicking the hard drive releases one hell of a lot of stress build-up which in the long run is cheaper than a shrink.
Linda
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Opus
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Re: Computer help, please.
« Reply #6 on: Mar 19th, 2006, 1:05pm » |
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Most computer parts are made up of semiconductors which contain poisons such as arsenic and gallium.
Are you having hardware problems or do you still use Microsoft products?
Opus/Paul
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Opus
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Re: Computer help, please.
« Reply #7 on: Mar 19th, 2006, 1:15pm » |
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on Mar 18th, 2006, 11:55pm, Linda_Howell wrote:
I will say that I have found that kicking the hard drive releases one hell of a lot of stress build-up which in the long run is cheaper than a shrink.
Linda |
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kicking a hard drive? hope you have steel toe shoes, those little things are hard and heavy. When I have one go bad I take it apart to get to the powerful magnets inside. Here is something else to do with bad drives.
Opus/Paul
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Azrael
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Re: Computer help, please.
« Reply #8 on: Mar 19th, 2006, 4:34pm » |
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on Mar 18th, 2006, 11:45pm, BikerBob wrote:| If your modem is heavy enough to use as a mooring for your dinghy, you need a bigger dinghy. |
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Or a newer modem.
O... I think LindaH may be meaning the 'puter case itself. Seems most users call it either the CPU or hard drive. Personally, when I'm talkin' about a system infected with Windoze, I prefer to call it "That cheap fuckin' piece of M$ shit."
PFDAN........................................ Drk^Angel
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| « Last Edit: Mar 19th, 2006, 4:35pm by Azrael » |
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Barry_T_Coles
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Re: Computer help, please.
« Reply #9 on: Mar 19th, 2006, 9:57pm » |
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You don't have to be mad to live in our little world but it sure helps
Barry
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: Computer help, please.
« Reply #10 on: Mar 20th, 2006, 9:27am » |
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I saw a National Enquirer article a couple days ago that said that a new computer virus has actually spread to humans.
It must be true if it's in writing in a news paper. 
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Dragnlance
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Re: Computer help, please.
« Reply #11 on: Mar 21st, 2006, 3:52pm » |
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Quote:| Given that my computer doesn't need a technician so much as an exorcist |
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One of the most guarded secrets in the computer world... computers are 30% technology, 70% black magic...
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