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Topic: Due to the times of political correctness... (Read 281 times) |
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Melissa
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Due to the times of political correctness...
« on: Mar 11th, 2006, 6:52am » |
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...that are invading America!!
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Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer
be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as... APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
Furthermore..
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -
She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -
She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR
OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" -
She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" -
She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -
She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" -
She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
NOW..
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
************************************
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" -
He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -
He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" -
He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -
He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" -
He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" -
He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -
It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
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Jasmyn
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Re: Due to the times of political correctness...
« Reply #1 on: Mar 11th, 2006, 7:12am » |
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Mel these are precious! 
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BarbaraD
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Re: Due to the times of political correctness...
« Reply #2 on: Mar 11th, 2006, 8:14am » |
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LMAO
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medic1852
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Re: Due to the times of political correctness...
« Reply #3 on: Mar 11th, 2006, 8:33am » |
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on Mar 11th, 2006, 6:52am, Melissa wrote:...that are invading America!!
************************
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer
be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as... APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
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I prefer, cracker...this rest is very funny.
Rodger
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Charlie
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Re: Due to the times of political correctness...
« Reply #4 on: Mar 11th, 2006, 12:14pm » |
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Thanks Mel. Good stuff.
There's a very old country song...I have no idea what it is but the part I remember is:
"....... Them hillbillies is Mountain Williams now."
Charlie
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floridian
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Re: Due to the times of political correctness...
« Reply #5 on: Mar 11th, 2006, 4:31pm » |
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on Mar 11th, 2006, 8:33am, medic1852 wrote:
>>Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer
be referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as... APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
I prefer, cracker...this rest is very funny.
Rodger
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Not many crackers in Tenensseee and Kentucky - the term 'cracker' means slave-driver ... them that cracks the whip. Hillbilly is a much better term.
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| « Last Edit: Mar 11th, 2006, 4:33pm by floridian » |
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maffumatt
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Re: Due to the times of political correctness...
« Reply #6 on: Mar 11th, 2006, 6:08pm » |
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Thanks Melissa...........
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -
It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
My Fav
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sandie99
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Re: Due to the times of political correctness...
« Reply #7 on: Mar 12th, 2006, 1:02pm » |
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These are great, thanks, Mel!
Sanna
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imnotbub
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Re: Due to the times of political correctness...
« Reply #8 on: Mar 13th, 2006, 10:29am » |
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on Mar 11th, 2006, 6:52am, Melissa wrote: She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -
She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
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Better living through science
on Mar 11th, 2006, 6:52am, Melissa wrote: He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -
He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" -
He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -
It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
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Hey, I resemble those remarks. 
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medic1852
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Re: Due to the times of political correctness...
« Reply #9 on: Mar 13th, 2006, 10:35am » |
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on Mar 11th, 2006, 4:31pm, floridian wrote:
Not many crackers in Tenensseee and Kentucky - the term 'cracker' means slave-driver ... them that cracks the whip. Hillbilly is a much better term. |
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Shut up and sit on the beach!
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Sandy_C
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Re: Due to the times of political correctness...
« Reply #10 on: Mar 13th, 2006, 3:10pm » |
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on Mar 11th, 2006, 6:52am, Melissa wrote:
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer
be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as... APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
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I beg to differ. My daddy was born in the hills of Kentucky and he always told me that he was a Hillwilliam! So there!!
Sandy
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Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
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For it won't be long
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