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Topic: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree (Read 397 times) |
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Ree
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A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« on: Mar 7th, 2006, 8:44am » |
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Have you ever done this.... can you relate to this.
I, being the daughter, the nerdy responsible one, have become executrix of my parents estate... Not the Rockefellers, the McGoverns, have left US half a house that they shared ownership with my Aunt and Uncle. They had a comfortable bank account. Its not going to make us rich but a nice little bounty. My Mom had enough bonds to "wall paper a room" as she put it.
Well I have found myself. Not being able to grieve because I am saddled with the responsibility of the bills, the bank, the lawyers etc. I have had to go through my parents private things and my fathers paper collection is quite vast. He had a system that makes IBM look lame and if he pattented it he would have made a fortune. He wrote his debits in red ink, his deposits in blue, in a penmanship that would have made John Hancock blush. My Dad was a genius.
I find myself on a journey. Uncovering a man that looked to have lived so simply. But was a king. I have difficulties throwing away things he signed. I am in awe of his billing inventory. His concern with being tidy. How he never threw anything away, including the tags to presents that my boys scribbled in their own hand when they were little. His organization was unbelievable. So I sit, thankful for the parents that I had. Missing them everyday and dealing with the business aspect of family. Really getting to know my Dad again in all of this paper....
i love you guys and i'm alone today, thank God I had you to talk to.... Ree
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vig
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #1 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 8:53am » |
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you're not alone Ree
that is WAAAAAAY cool stuff ya got there.
he lives on
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Dragnlance
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #2 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 9:00am » |
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Ree, you are not alone. We are here and with you.
I have not yet lost my parents, so cannot envision what you are going thru.
There is positive in this. You are discovering parts of your parents that you never knew. The picture in your mind is being repainted with new and more vibrant colors. This is a treasure.
I lost a friend a few years back, and some of the things we found caused me to lose respect.
It is always nice to find the people you love the most are better than you had believed.
Take care Ree, and remember, we are here.
Lance
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floridian
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #3 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 9:44am » |
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That's a beautiful reflection - not at all a rant. Very nice to read. Thanks.
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fubar
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #4 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 10:04am » |
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Ree,
I envy you. My parents were both abusive and generally worthless people. I haven't spoken to either one in over 20 years, and if they were to pass on, I doubt I would shed a single tear. You are blessed.
-Shawn
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Margi
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #5 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 10:24am » |
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Ree, your dad has left you yet another gift, hasn't he? He's still with you as you go through his life on paper. I'm thinkin' he knew that you would be the one to be doing this, too, so he probably WAS so meticulous because he had you in mind and wanted to make things easier for you.
I know you're feeling pretty overwhelmed right now with all of this but do try to take time to slow down and appreciate the intricate details of the legacy they left to you. Cherish this time, Ree - go slow and feel your dad looking over your shoulder, because I'm pretty sure he is.
hugs and love,
Margi
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Ghost
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #6 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 10:33am » |
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tanner
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #7 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 11:13am » |
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Ree, It is so nice to hear your voice (ok it's only in my head)again! Your Dad sounds like an amazing guy.
Yes I have been there before. When my folks passed within 6 months of each other we were faced with the daunting task of dealing with two lifetimes of personal effects which naturally every one concerned wanted for different reasons. My sister was in your shoe's as the executrix and called on me to help. Fortunately for us my Mom who went second had invited the 3 children to each pick out a specific piece of property that meant the most to us. I chose the glass pitcher that she always let me make the kool aid in when I was a tyke. My Dad had been a lifelong collector of all things coke cola and we agreed that that entire collection would stay with my sis. My brother elected not to come so I did the best I could at splitting up my Dads model train collection 3 ways (his other passion) and there were hundreds of pieces some of which I imagine are quite valuable.
My Dad had been a paraplegic the last 20 years of his life and my sister had been the one to stay in the Chicago area and help care for him. They even built a very large house so that my sisters family could live with Mom and Dad. I felt that because of those years of service that the house and furnishings should go entirely to my sis. Unfortunately this created a rift and to this day it remains.
I hope that you have a better time of it and that things don't get ugly. My brother and I speak very often and see each other. My sister and I are best friends and see each other but the two of them don't communicate at all which makes me nuts as there are a large number of grand kids and now great grand kids involved. I am still trying to bridge the gap and put us all back together and have had some success with my sons generation but it is a work in progress!
So yes I can relate! I wish you much luck and peace........
..................hugs..........tim
btw..my nephew comes home from afghanistan this week and I am going to Bragg to greet them. I hope your soldiers and families are all great!!
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Guiseppi
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #8 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 11:17am » |
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I hope my daughters speak as beautifully of me when I'm up and gone, keeping you in our prayers.
Guiseppi
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LeLimey
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #9 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 11:38am » |
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Guiseppi you just said exactly what I was thinking.. there can be no greater eulogy than the one you just gave your dad Ree
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TomM
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #10 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 11:40am » |
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on Mar 7th, 2006, 8:44am, Ree wrote:| Missing them everyday and dealing with the business aspect of family. |
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Been there, partially. The whole gammit of emotions comes forward, doesn't it?
TomM
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ABarham
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #11 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 11:49am » |
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Ree that is so beautiful. And, again, you are not alone. I lost my father when I was in my early 20's. Fortunately, I had my mother for another 20 years. But I lived so far away from her that by the time I got "home" my brothers had already gone through everything, distributed everything, didn't even let my sister know they were doing it (she only lived 50 miles away) she thought they were supposed to wait for me, which they were. Anyway, (now that's a rant) I missed having those moments to share. The things that maybe I never knew about. I didn't get to look at the good times and the bad, the little secrets that maybe no one knew, I really feel like I lost a part of her in that omission. Anyway, (continuing the rant) my brothers had no question about how I felt about what they had done. I wish I had a tape recording of what I said to them. All I know is that they were backed up in a corner and my sister and my husband went out on the deck to avoid any flying objects (no I wasn't really throwing anything, but they didn't know what I was doing). I don't advocate this behavior, because just a few years later I lost one of my brothers and didn't realize how much I had missed him until he was gone. We never quite got over my temper tantrum.
I really didn't mean to go on like that, this is not about me. Be greatful that you have this time, these memories and your thoughts. They are special and something that you will carry with you forever.
LOL I'm sure he is sitting on your shoulder as you sift through the memories.
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nani
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #12 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 11:52am » |
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What you're doing is hard, but it also gives you insight to your parent's "real" (not as parents) lives. I still have stuff from my Dad and he passed away in '85. Take your time, hon.
PS...prepare to be surprised if those bonds are old. They keep accruing interest...
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Melissa
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #13 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 11:57am » |
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You're very lucky Ree, for my stepdad and stepsister went through everything of my mom's before I was able to....
The only thing I got of hers, that I would have killed them if they had took it, was an opal necklace and earrings of hers. I do have her jewelry box, but there were the more valuable things taken out of it. Other than that, I got nothing.
My stepsister also took my mother's recipe box. It had recipes in it that were my great grandmothers. I'll never see it again. 
Anyway, you are very fortunate.
edited to add: I took care of everything too after she died. Taxes, social security, funeral, etc. I think it's heartwarming that your dad thought of you before he passed on... 
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| « Last Edit: Mar 7th, 2006, 12:20pm by Melissa » |
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Lobster
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #14 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 12:12pm » |
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My dad has been gone for almost 20 years.
Mom is cleaning parts of the house out, now that she is along in years.
Every week I get a call... 'I have such & such of Dads... what should I do with it?'... which essentially means 'I do not want to throw out this piece of junk.'
I tell her to put them onto the pile to bring to my house on her next visit.
My storage room has about a half-dozen large crates of my Dads stuff. His high-school yearbooks, his army stuff, pictures of people I do not know.
Sacred stuff... I will never toss a single item.
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cootie
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #15 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 1:03pm » |
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I think the delayed griveing period is a self protect mode we go thru........otherwise you'd possibly not be able to do what you are doing now and get the job done as you are.......it lets you take care of business even tho it leaves doubts in your own mind HOW you can handle all this so numb. But it's to give you time to get things taken care of. When and if it hits you it will probly hit you like a ROCK. When my freinds were killed in a car wreck I worked for running there kennel while they were at work cleaning and takeing care of all the dogs and pups I had to remain there for the next 5 weeks every single day cuz NO ONE ELSE could get near half the dogs esp the ones with new pups. I had to keep up with vaccinations and wormings and health issues and CLEAN up after them cuz there was no one else doin it.....not even after hours like before. My friend had a HUGE collection of cool stuff and neat things setting around....her kennel was attatches to the house. I had to go there daily and see all that as if it was waiting for them to step back into the room. But slowly things were being sold and taken away which was even sadder to see such a happy neat and fun place with tons of great memories DISOLVE before my eyes. We sold all the dogs and I cared for pups till ready to go and mom's could leave. Kids took turns stayin at the house but none knew shit about the dog end of it all. After it was all over I fell apart in a really strange manor.....took me a couple years to snap out of it.......I went to a dangerous depression low spot but didn't really even understand the timeing. Me and my friend were so much alike.......so much in common and we rode together and hung out alot. It was freaky........so keep movein on and take care of business cuz the big fall may be yet ahead. But you have friends here to help ya thru it.........no one understood how I felt and seem'd to think I should GROW UP......so at that time I kind of stopped seein everyone for a while. Keep movein on......lookin back mite hurt Pam
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Ree
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #16 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 6:30pm » |
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Thanks all for sharing those personal thoughts... Fu I guess I am lucky... I can't be your parent but I'll be your older sexy big sister if you want (sexy ya right). Cootie I hope to God I'm not going to lose it after all is said and done... I've had such tender moments here and there at times I say "How could they leave me" and I lose it... At times I feel alone....Lizzie sent me turtles that are "see no evil"," hear no evil" and "speak no evil" ! I swear those are my brothers... one hears nothing but what he wants to hear. One brother sees everthing in a different view and one says nothing and lets me do it all..... Tanner... nice to hear your voice (only in my head again too), you kiss that soldier from this proud soldier mom... I will be facing another deployment later in the Summer and will be calling on you guys again for the 4th time to hold me up.....
I love you all, Dragon you are a knight, Floridian thanks buddy.... Vig, Margi what would I do without your sweet words. Guiseppe your daughters will remember how tough you are~fighting the beast. ABarham, Mel I am so sorry for your anguish no one deserves that along with loss... Rock, hold your Mom close... its hard to watch them when you grieve your father too... Helen Tom M and nani....thanks for being here and Ghost thanks for those smiley hugs...... I'm touched... you guys are awesome.....love ree
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| « Last Edit: Mar 7th, 2006, 6:31pm by Ree » |
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Proud Mom to US ARMY Kiowa OH58 PILOT~CWO2 SCOTT Hawaii, & USMC Vet~Now POLICE OFFICER SEAN, Citizen of the Month~ Breezy~ Nana 4 Matt/Mike&Aya, MIL To Shino Wife to Dave HI BILL!http://www.myspace.com/dungareespockethttp://www.prohawaiian.com
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doodles
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #17 on: Mar 7th, 2006, 10:35pm » |
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Ree I understand how it feels to be alone, and FEEL alone. Every emotion you have felt is what I have only begun to feel. I have been told (a gazillion times now!) not to put off grieving. I cry just a bit less everyday... still walk into to my parents house shouting "Hi Dad...Still think a least 3 or 4 times a day...I gotta call Mom and make sure she's feeling okay...and when I realize that they are gone I am even sadder... that's when I log on and realize that I have a much bigger family than just my brother & son... I have a bunch of new moms & dads and more brothers and sisters than I can imagine! I realized just what kind of people my mom and dad are by all the love and caring that everyone has shown here!...
If ya ever need shoulder to cry on or someone to cry with you... just holler! I'll be there! Jan
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #18 on: Mar 8th, 2006, 1:29am » |
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Hang in there Ree. Whatever life brings, you have your memories
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sandie99
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #19 on: Mar 8th, 2006, 2:28am » |
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You're never alone, Ree. Never.
I bet that when you look at the mirror, you'll discover the same than I did: my father might be gone, but he lives in me. I've got the same shaped face, same kind of nose, same kind of shoulders... I recall him often when I look at the mirror. Genes are interesting little things.
And I must agree: your post wasn't a rant. But a beautiful letter of remeberance.
Best wishes,
Sanna
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Charlie
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #20 on: Mar 8th, 2006, 4:16pm » |
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Nice posts Ree 
I had wonderful parents. My father died 36 years ago at 58. Seems like yesterday and forever both. I had wonderful parents but unfortunately, not sentimentalists and they saved little. Dad had one thing. He lovtook movies of everything so I have 8mm movies of him and everybody going back to 1936...Lots of them. It's strange seeing him when he was 24 and mom when she was a 24 year old bookkeeper for him sitting in the office. Precious things to me.
Charlie 
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #21 on: Mar 8th, 2006, 5:35pm » |
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AWWWWWWWW Ree! 
tina
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nancyc
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Re: A soft rant... from your ole pal Ree
« Reply #22 on: Mar 9th, 2006, 2:07am » |
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Little sis, so sorry to hear you are going thru this. I lost my Dad about 16 years ago but still miss him terrible even today. ...My heart goes out to you...could not imagine life without my Mom now. Hugs, smiles,nancyc
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