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Topic: something to offend everyone (Read 213 times) |
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Tim_the_Turtle
New Board Newbie
Ree Rocks!!!
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Posts: 48
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something to offend everyone
« on: Mar 2nd, 2006, 5:33pm » |
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SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog! is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
! "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar (I'm Irish so this joke is ok)
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment. (My husband is Italian so this joke is ok too
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring. (Dave works at the Post Office too do you see a trend here)
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
I edited out some for fear that I would reeeeeeeaaaaaly
offend someone....love ree
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 HEY REE COME AND SCRUB MY BACK....HI BILL!
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Jonny
CH.com Alumnus
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Give me a shovel Ill dig my own grave!
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Re: something to offend everyone
« Reply #1 on: Mar 2nd, 2006, 5:42pm » |
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LMAO.... .... 
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
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BlueMeanie
CH.com Alumnus
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Re: something to offend everyone
« Reply #2 on: Mar 2nd, 2006, 6:22pm » |
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Darn it... I thought I was gonna get offended. 
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Dragnlance
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Monster bait
 
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Re: something to offend everyone
« Reply #3 on: Mar 2nd, 2006, 10:02pm » |
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Jasmyn
CH.com Alumnus
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Each day will be a new trick in life's journey
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Posts: 2762
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Re: something to offend everyone
« Reply #4 on: Mar 3rd, 2006, 2:49am » |
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Jazz 
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: something to offend everyone
« Reply #5 on: Mar 3rd, 2006, 3:22am » |
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And I loved that pic of a turtle in the end of the thread, too.
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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TomM
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Posts: 2006
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Re: something to offend everyone
« Reply #6 on: Mar 3rd, 2006, 9:52am » |
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on Mar 2nd, 2006, 5:33pm, Tim_the_Turtle wrote:What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
ree |
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THAT offends me! 
What do I say to guys I know who own a Porsche?
Sorry about your penis.
TomM
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| « Last Edit: Mar 3rd, 2006, 9:53am by TomM » |
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"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I'll go fishing."
--Thoreau--
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