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Topic: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my chest (Read 384 times) |
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Jenny G
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Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my chest
« on: Feb 18th, 2006, 11:12pm » |
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Holy Friggin suicide thoughts.
This should go down as the worst day in history of this cycle. I woke up at 2:30 with the beast. My damn nose was stuffed up, I think I am getting a cold. Oxygen could not penetrate my nostrils. My teeth feel soft and tender and are conduits to pain and I feel like there are bugs eating the inside of my ear, I feel like my brain is on fire and will not doubt have some degree of brain damage. I am positive blood is pouring from my eye. I Put ice on the back of my head and fell asleep on the couch. Woke up about an hour later and got back in bed. BAM!
It’s just after 6:00 AM and the headache is in FULL force. I shower in the hottest water possible, I put ice on my head, the heating pad, bang my head with a book, eat an RC seed, eat an altoids, sniff Vics, inhale pepper spray, Nasonex, take a ½ of Xanex or something like it. I think about my throbbing eye socket and how good a cold gun barrel would feel pushed against it. I curse the headache like a sailor and scream FUCK at it. I finally wake my husband and beg him to punch me in the head. He is half asleep and reluctantly agrees and does not punch as hard as I want him to. He suggests trying sex to make my blood flow elsewhere. I reluctantly agree and can tell he does not enjoy making love to a woman he was just punching and is now bawling on the floor of the dark closet holding her watery eye socket. Neither of us can finish. I manage to fall asleep on the cold tile. He brings me a pillow and blanket. It’s dark, so I stay. I awake a few hours later and climb into bed. He is already up with the baby and lets me stay and rest. The shadows, the nausea, the headaches haunt me all day, I have no relief, I try more oxygen, soak my feet in hot water, everything all over again, no relief.
I finally instruct him to get the Imitrex shot I have been rationing, a sample for my neuro. I shoot it in my ass. It’s been like 12 hours and I get almost immediate relief. I only pray tonight gives me peace.
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Sean_C
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #1 on: Feb 18th, 2006, 11:19pm » |
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Sounds like your peakin Jen 
Hugs to hold ya over, and forget about the sex, that just makes it worse, its better if your blood pressure goes down not up 
Hang tough, the ride will hopefully stop soon.
Sean............................
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Opus
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #2 on: Feb 18th, 2006, 11:25pm » |
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on Feb 18th, 2006, 11:12pm, Jenny G wrote:Holy Friggin suicide thoughts.
Oxygen could not penetrate my nostrils. |
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Are you using nasal cannula's? O2 needs to be used at 10-15 ML/m with a non re-breather mask. See O2 link on left.
on Feb 18th, 2006, 11:12pm, Jenny G wrote:
I finally instruct him to get the Imitrex shot I have been rationing, a sample for my neuro. I shoot it in my ass. It’s been like 12 hours and I get almost immediate relief. I only pray tonight gives me peace. |
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Have you seen the Imitrex tip to the left, you can turn 1 shot into 3, but then taking it in the upper body would be better.
Sorry to hear of you rough night, remember to not sleep flat, a recliner works best, and as for sex I have heard that it is best for shadows, but without a partner I really don't know.
Opus/Paul
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Jenny G
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #3 on: Feb 18th, 2006, 11:31pm » |
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I have a non-rebreather but I have the machine that plugs into the wall, not a standard tank. The oxygen is not so pure. I was putting it on 6 ML thats what the nuero said, I guess I'll crank it up next time.
The shots I have come with a special pen, I was not sure I could still do the "tip". I'll have to reread the tips. My insurance does not pay for it, so I was rationing it.
Thanks for your thoughts. I am not usually such a lunatic! 
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AussieBrian
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #4 on: Feb 18th, 2006, 11:39pm » |
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on Feb 18th, 2006, 11:31pm, Jenny G wrote:| Thanks for your thoughts. I am not usually such a lunatic! |
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Yes you are, that's why we love you.
Stay with it, Jen, we're on your side.
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Vulcrania horrendus - twice daily, then two at night in lieu of sleep.
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Opus
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #5 on: Feb 19th, 2006, 12:32am » |
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on Feb 18th, 2006, 11:31pm, Jenny G wrote:I have a non-rebreather but I have the machine that plugs into the wall, not a standard tank. The oxygen is not so pure. I was putting it on 6 ML thats what the nuero said, I guess I'll crank it up next time.
The shots I have come with a special pen, I was not sure I could still do the "tip". I'll have to reread the tips. My insurance does not pay for it, so I was rationing it.
Thanks for your thoughts. I am not usually such a lunatic! |
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The Tip is for the auto injectors. I use vials and needles, and can get 3 shots out of each vial. If you pay for them yourself vials may be cheaper, and much easier to split. Yes you need a higher flow rate. O2 generators do work for some, keep breathing deep and hard.
Opus/Paul
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Zed-Zed-nine plural-Zed alpha,
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Jasmyn
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #6 on: Feb 19th, 2006, 4:35am » |
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Hang in there Jen 
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Melissa
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #7 on: Feb 19th, 2006, 7:14am » |
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Holy crap honey, you need to get your doc to RX some M60 TANKS, along with a regulator that goes up to 15lpm, for you along with a non-rebreather mask! It will make a HUGE difference in the amount of time you spend suffering. I would also suggest getting a Clustermasx ( http://www.clustermasx.com ), as it was modified by a clusterhead specifically for our CH's and it works AWESOME.
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this and I wish you weren't!!!
*HUGE HUGS*
mel
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| « Last Edit: Feb 19th, 2006, 7:15am by Melissa » |
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PollyPocket
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #8 on: Feb 19th, 2006, 8:54am » |
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Wow Jen, the night from hell! Just don't lose sight of the fact that it WILL END. I know that's hard, but try your best to focus on that.
We're here for ya anytime you want or need to vent, cuz we've all been exactly where you are.
peace and pf vibes comin at ya!
Jen
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“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.” - Stacey Charter
"If I don't remember it happening, it never happened. " - Tori
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Jenny G
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #9 on: Feb 19th, 2006, 12:12pm » |
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Wow!
I am really overwhelmed at the support of these posts and PM's of encouragement. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to the Best Friends I've never even met 
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minnie
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #10 on: Feb 19th, 2006, 2:52pm » |
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Jen I am so sorry your going through this.Please follow the advise about changing your oxygen so you get the right flow and have the right mask..Do you have a preventative?I wish I could do more but I am sending painfree vibes your way....
Minnie
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sandie99
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #11 on: Feb 19th, 2006, 3:01pm » |
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Jen,
I'm so sorry that you're getting hit so hard.
I'll pray PF time your way asap.
Do let us know how things progress, okay?
Best wishes & PFtime,
Sanna
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"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
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Jonny
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #12 on: Feb 19th, 2006, 5:53pm » |
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Ok....skipping this post.
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It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
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Carl_D
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Re: Skip this post. Had to rant, get it off my che
« Reply #13 on: Feb 19th, 2006, 9:19pm » |
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Sorry to hear your having a rough time. Like Opus said, you're peaking.
You DEFINITELY need a tank of pure o2 with a high flow rate.
As for the suicidal thoughts...that is a byproduct of the CH beast. Don't ever, EVER let him win. There will be better days.
Carl D
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