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Topic: News from the CDC (Read 158 times) |
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burnt-toast
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News from the CDC
« on: Feb 16th, 2006, 12:01pm » |
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Information recently released by the CDC concerning a devastating Social Disease.
It is generally acknowledged that mild forms of the disease have always been present but recent outbreaks have raised fears of an epidemic. The disease is contracted through dangerous, high-risk behavior such as allowing oneself to be screwed by a select group of dominating partners for at least the last 13 years. The disease is Gonorrhea-Lectem and unfortunately those taking measures to protect themselves from the disease often experience symptoms more severe than those who suffer from it.
Symptoms displayed by individuals infected with Gonorrhea-Lectem include but are not limited to:
Anti-social behavior, most prominent when sufferers are required interact with others that do not share the extremist views of the sufferer
Delusions of grandeur with strong tendencies for categorical “all-or-nothing” mentalities combined with a misguided belief of having won something
Unflappable belief that the uncontrolled spread of Gonorrhea-Lectem is somehow beneficial to all
Extreme inability to comprehend any new information with well pronounced loss of long-term memory
Inability to acknowledge personal responsibility combined with excessive defensive behavior often masked by acts of misplaced bravado and/or conspicuously empty facial expressions
Complete ignorance of geography and all forms of recorded history
Predisposition to view all resources as communal property from which they are entitled to derive some form of personal benefit
Strong tendencies to absorb only limited elements of any/all important information often displaying a distinct fear of anything ethical or truthful in nature
Naturalists and epidemiologists who have tracked its origins to Little Rock, Arkansas and some bushes in Texas say they are baffled by the recent rapid spread of the disease. “It has now spread to every State and across the country people are suffering its ill effects”, said a CDC spokesperson.
Quoting literature from the CDC.
“November is a bad month for the spread of this disease but May appears to be the primary month in which the disease begins to spread. Complete isolation and intensive treatment of infected individuals is necessary during key months in which non-infected individuals face the greatest risk of infection.”
Current projections indicate that if we fail to contain the spread of this disease between May and November of this year, infections will reach uncontrollable epidemic levels by November 2008 and we will most likely lose any opportunity to stop the disease”.
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Would the owner of the propane torch, egg beater, pipe expander and vise grips please claim these items. They're lodged in my head and I need the space.
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Sandy_C
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Burn that bra!
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Re: News from the CDC
« Reply #1 on: Feb 16th, 2006, 12:07pm » |
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My daddy always told me it was
"Gonorrhea of the Mouth" disease.
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Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
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