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Topic: One of those days... (Read 280 times) |
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Lizzie2
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One of those days...
« on: Jan 26th, 2006, 12:06pm » |
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I was running 15 minutes late to a doctor's appt because this is the first time I've gone there since moving to my current location and the mapquest directions were totally bogus. So I'm pulling out my map in a church parking lot trying to figure out how to get there. I told them I'm going to be about 15 minutes late, and they told me I had to reschedule. Not like they wouldn't have been running more than 15 minutes late in taking me back.
So I burst into tears and called my mom, and while I was on the phone with her, I managed to scream "I HATE MY FUCKING LIFE" and threw the phone - which promptly hung up on my mom. So I called her back and she said we'll talk about it later. Which means I'm going to get a whole lecture about getting a grip.
What I need is for my boss to listen to me about not working as many shifts if I'm rotating through them. It's literally killing me. I can't sleep due to the CH's. I'm also in the process of coming off all my meds (with the exception of one or two) in order to try a different strategy for me. It's something I've only spoken with Edna about as far as ch.com people, but what it comes down to is that I'm coming off my list of meds, going to try to get the pain under control with a long acting opiate like methadone (which I have very strong opinions about, but that's neither here nor there at this second) and then try to find one med at a time that might help my headaches.
The pain has crushed my quality of life. I'm exhausted all the time and can't really see anything good anymore. I like working with the babies, but I hate going to work. I dread it, in fact. And it's in part because I'm in so much pain and the shift switching is so...daunting, I guess. And because while my boss let a newer employee than me switch to day shift only due to her insulin pump, she won't let me go to 3 12's instead of 2 12's and 2 8's despite my own medical problems. So it's like because I'm not outwardly physically broken (ie. wearing a cast or insulin pump, what have you) - once again my "pain" is just making me ask for a schedule change for convenience.. Once again, not taken seriously by yet one more person. She told me I could take a vacation day once every pay period in order to accomodate myself... well, ya know what? I'd like to use my vacation days to take an actual VACATION. <sigh>
I'm sorry - it really seems like I have nothing positive to say lately, and it's true. I don't. I'm angry and upset about everything. I just need one thing to go right. This appt thing today just sent me over the edge when I've already been very highly stressed out due to pain and lack of sleep.
Now I have to go pay bills and clean my apartment before going home for the weekend. More stress...yippeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! 
Hugz,
Carrie
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carriefu
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Re: One of those days...
« Reply #1 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 12:08pm » |
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i know how you feel, life can really suck huh??
you know what ive realised through the years??
after this cluster ends you'll realise that everything was accentuated...trust me
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Lizzie2
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Re: One of those days...
« Reply #2 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 12:26pm » |
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Thanks 
I'm chronic so yeah when the clusters do end....I think a lot will change as far as my tolerance for everything else... Right now, it's just overwhelming.
Carrie
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bassman
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learning from all the fools and the sages
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Re: One of those days...
« Reply #3 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 12:27pm » |
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we all have days if not weeks like that, hard not to when you cant sleep, and that shadows follow you every were. one thing i,ve learned is will be over soon, it has to right????? hang in there
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it's all right now...but later?....forget it
thats later. now is now are you going to be here now
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mcf69
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I am acutely aware of where my trigeminal nerve is
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Re: One of those days...
« Reply #4 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 12:34pm » |
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Geesh kiddo, it sounds like you're having a heck of a time with everything! Just hang in there, maybe the new meds will work better for you? Hope all is better soon.....
Ben
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Edna
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Re: One of those days...
« Reply #5 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 12:51pm » |
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Hi Carrie,
glad I caught you before your nap. Hope our chat helped. And, better yet, I hope the nap helped even more.
You know I'm wishing you the best, and remember, take some time for YOU every once in a while. Yep, it may piss off a few ppl, and perhaps even mom, but you need it right now.
Wishing you relief,
hugs,
EDNA
ps....go check your pm
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E-Double
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Are we ourselves?
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Re: One of those days...
« Reply #6 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 1:46pm » |
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Was that a vent?
Chin up sweetie.
You are tougher than most and can do what you need to do.
I've told ya before that you inspire me so keep on fighting.
Hugs,
Eric
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I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
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Lizzie2
CH.com Alumnus
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"L'Chaim"~Hebre w Toast~"To Life"
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Re: One of those days...
« Reply #7 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 2:04pm » |
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Thanks you guys...
Edna - thanks for the PM! Made me smile lots And brought tears to my eyes...again!
Eric - I forgot to mention in my first post that I also talked to YOU about trying the new med strategy, too...  I still think you, me, and Joanna (did I spell her name right?) should start our own developmental nursery school or some such thing. What say you? haha
Joe came over on his way home from finishing up his last residency interview. I felt bad being upset when he should be happy...but he did give me lots of hugs and reminded me it's going to be okay.
I just think the work schedule, the classes and all would be hard for anyone, but it's even harder for someone who also has about 5 dr appts a week and is up against so many different hurdles. It gets discouraging and I wish the people in my life would cut me a little slack from time to time. I go out of my way to make everyone else's lives easier, so do ya think someone could do the same for me? <heavy sigh...> (I know Edna...time to show them that I'm going to say no from time to time and just focus on MY life for a change...)
Guess I really should tackle my desk that's piled high with about 3 feet of crap at this point...
Hugz,
Carrie
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carriefu
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Re: One of those days...
« Reply #8 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 2:35pm » |
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it will get better(i keep telling myself) at times i wish it was tumor so they could just take it out!!!!lol....
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cootie
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sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
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Re: One of those days...
« Reply #9 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 11:15pm » |
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I mite not have ch but I can sure the hell relate to ya on the pain level daily crap and how it wears on ya !! Don't ya wish you could hit the RESTART button ! With your nurseing too it's a pretty demanding job.......hope ya find some well needed and deserved breaks. Win the lottery Pam
It got me down so bad over the happy joy joy holidays that I CRACKED........still climbin outa that hole.
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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sandie99
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Re: One of those days...
« Reply #10 on: Jan 27th, 2006, 9:27am » |
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You're in my prayers, Carrie... 
Wishing you loads of stress-free, PF, happy days,
Sanna
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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Karla
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Re: One of those days...
« Reply #11 on: Jan 27th, 2006, 9:42am » |
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I took methadone for a year. It is cheap! Only cost me $4/month without insurance. I was on it for a year. But I was on a lot of other medicines also. Bottom line I slept alot however I was pain free for that year. I switched over to the duragesic fentanyl patch 50mcg instead. I am much more awake now adays. I have been on this medicine for a few years now and have had great sucess with it. Talk about getting quality of life back! It is a major blessing. I hope and pray that the methadone doesn't effect you negativly and gives you your life back. Also neither drug has had an effect on me where I feel high or anything like that so I think you will be pleased with it.
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| « Last Edit: Jan 27th, 2006, 9:43am by Karla » |
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Karla
suffer chronic ch
ch.com groupie since 1999
Proud Mom of Chris USMC Semper Fi
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