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Topic: 2005 Darwin Awards..... (Read 311 times) |
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Redd
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2005 Darwin Awards.....
« on: Jan 25th, 2006, 11:40pm » |
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In case you haven't received them yet, here are the 2005 Darwin Awards --
the annual honor given to the person who improved the "gene pool" the most
by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition this year has been keen. And the candidates this year
are.............
* IN Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.
* A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he
had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.
Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection
from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom
Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of
sand. People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels,
trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but
could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an
hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced
dead at a hospital.
* Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a
bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
HONORABLE MENTION:
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in
their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and
tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently
failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
* TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM.
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one
had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of
the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and other end was tied to the
bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore
his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy
river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say"
said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's
just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER:
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm ;
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. ' With
no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "Shit
happens!"
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BobG
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Re: 2005 Darwin Awards.....
« Reply #1 on: Jan 25th, 2006, 11:56pm » |
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LMAO 
Quote:
And thank God for that.
A good colonic is good for your pachyderm and can be very beneficial for the human gene pool.
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PollyPocket
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Re: 2005 Darwin Awards.....
« Reply #2 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 7:59am » |
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on Jan 25th, 2006, 11:40pm, Redd715 wrote:
HONORABLE MENTION:
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in
their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and
tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently
failed to notice the window was closed. |
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ummmm... stick of dynamite explodes inside the car and they're only injured??? This story is about as full of poo as the elephant was.
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Jasmyn
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Re: 2005 Darwin Awards.....
« Reply #3 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 8:04am » |
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With the betting guy it just goes to show what the odds are, winner or loser???
The Honoralbe Mentioned couple might re-think their entertainment options.
The Runner Up will definitely not be running any more races in any direction.
And The Winner... well Bob said it best
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Jazz
Madness is proclaimed by society’s inability to accept its own infallibility
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Redd
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Re: 2005 Darwin Awards.....
« Reply #4 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 8:07am » |
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All I can say is...never underestimate human stupidity.
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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pattik
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Re: 2005 Darwin Awards.....
« Reply #5 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 10:44am » |
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Has anyone else noticed that all the award winners this year were male?
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Sandy_C
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Re: 2005 Darwin Awards.....
« Reply #6 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 11:50am » |
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You go PattiK! Nice catch - we can always just say that Bonnie was only along for the ride with Paul and didn't realize what a stupid idiot she had married 
Sandy
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Lizzie2
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Re: 2005 Darwin Awards.....
« Reply #7 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 12:16pm » |
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I posted this on some other thread awhile back, but I actually got an email from our emergency medicine society advertising a lecture about Darwin Awards and the Emergency Medicine Physician.
You know it's getting bad out there when they have to educate the medical community about these things...
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Jimmy_B.
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Re: 2005 Darwin Awards.....
« Reply #8 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 1:24pm » |
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on Jan 26th, 2006, 7:59am, JenniferD wrote:
ummmm... stick of dynamite explodes inside the car and they're only injured??? This story is about as full of poo as the elephant was.
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Good Eye, Jen....Actually the Dynamite in the Car story supposedly was "honorable mention" in the 1997 Darwin Awards...1999, 2002 & 2004. It's an Urban Legend and not an actual Darwin Award. As is the elephant story.
To check out what's fact & false go to
http://www.darwinawards.com/legends/
and for the actual Darwin Awards...go to
http://www.darwinawards.com/
A good story is still a good story.
Jim
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