Author |
Topic: Women's Personal Ads (Read 404 times) |
|
Jimi
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Who loves ya baby!
 
 
Gender: 
Posts: 2286
|
 |
Women's Personal Ads
« on: Jan 24th, 2006, 9:35am » |
 Quote  Modify
|
For all my clusterhead buddies looking at personal ads by wimmens. 
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish...................................49
Adventurous........................Slept with everyone
Athletic...............................No tits
Average looking...................Ugly
Beautiful............................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure..............On medication
Feminist.............................Fat
Free spirit...........................Junkie
Friendship first..................Former very *friendly* person
Fun...................................Annoying
New-Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned....................No BJs
Open-minded......................Desperate
Outgoing............................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Professional......................Bitch
Voluptuous.......................Very Fat
Large frame......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate..................Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you !
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
Send this all the women and men who could use a good laugh
|
|
 IP Logged |
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
|
|
|
BobG
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender:
Posts: 5747
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #1 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 11:58am » |
Quote Modify
|
I can't comment= my wife looks in here when I'm not looking.
|
|
IP Logged |
Stay stressed. Never relax. Never sleep. Ever.
|
|
|
Kevin_M
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
withered branches grow green again.
Gender:
Posts: 6184
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #2 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 12:31pm » |
Quote Modify
|
From Jimi's "are you experienced" archives. 
Foxy lady................. let me stand next to your wallet.
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Guiseppi
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender:
Posts: 2703
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #3 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 12:40pm » |
Quote Modify
|
I for one disagreed with every single one of those!!!!!
(SHHH wife looking over my shoulder)..........
Guiseppi
|
|
IP Logged |
Why are all sensors, seeking intelligent life, pointed AWAY from earth?
|
|
|
LeLimey
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
Gender: 
Posts: 11720
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #4 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 2:15pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Showing myself up here as totally unfeminine 'cos I thought that was hilarious!
I'll get you Jimi... and your little dog too! 
|
|
IP Logged |
The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
|
|
|
BarbaraD
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Hugs to ya
Gender:
Posts: 5164
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #5 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 2:19pm » |
Quote Modify
|
And how many nights does he get on the couch for this one????
Hugs BD
|
|
IP Logged |
What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
|
|
|
Jimi
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Who loves ya baby!
Gender:
Posts: 2286
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #6 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 2:22pm » |
Quote Modify
|
You will? = I would like to have sex with you.
|
|
IP Logged |
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
|
|
|
LeLimey
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
Gender:
Posts: 11720
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #7 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 2:25pm » |
Quote Modify
|
No problem Jimi.. I'm up for sex with you! 
Hallway sex that is.
Where we walk past each other and say "F*ck You"
|
|
IP Logged |
The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
|
|
|
Jimi
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Who loves ya baby!
Gender:
Posts: 2286
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #8 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 2:26pm » |
Quote Modify
|
You don't care............... 
|
|
IP Logged |
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
|
|
|
LeLimey
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
Gender:
Posts: 11720
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #9 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 2:47pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Oh I dooooooo!!! 
But how can I believe you when you say you love me when I know you've been a liar all your life?!
|
|
IP Logged |
The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
|
|
|
Jimi
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Who loves ya baby!
Gender:
Posts: 2286
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #10 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 2:50pm » |
Quote Modify
|
hmmmmmmmmm...............good point. 
|
|
IP Logged |
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
|
|
|
sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
Gender:
Posts: 10429
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #11 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 4:22pm » |
Quote Modify
|
|
|
IP Logged |
CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
|
|
|
Ghost
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Farting relieves the pressure
Gender:
Posts: 4024
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #12 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 4:41pm » |
Quote Modify
|
See I can be good Ive stayed away from this thread!
Dangit busted again! 
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
|
|
IP Logged |
Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
|
|
|
Sandy_C
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Burn that bra!
Gender:
Posts: 2585
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #13 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 5:18pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Jan 24th, 2006, 11:58am, BobG wrote:
I can't comment= my wife looks in here when I'm not looking. |
|
Ditto! My husband checks in now and then - so
"no comment"
Sandy
|
|
IP Logged |
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
|
|
|
Linda_Howell
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Hearing is one thing. Listening is another.
 
Gender:
Posts: 6721
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #14 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 6:38pm » |
Quote Modify
|
why does Cops=Jimi=donuts come to my mind?
Ruthi and I need to have a very long chat next convention Jimi.
Linda
|
|
IP Logged |
Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
|
|
|
PittsburghJoe
New Board Old Timer
Go away pain!
Gender:
Posts: 447
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #15 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 10:41pm » |
Quote Modify
|
I'll make my comment when Jimi finds shoes to match his outfit.
Joe
|
|
IP Logged |
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight. Gotta kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight. - Bruce Cockburn, "Lovers in a Dangerous Time"
|
|
|
Kirk
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
VINIMUS, VIDIMUS, DOLAVIMUS
  
Gender:
Posts: 1914
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #16 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 10:45pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Jan 24th, 2006, 10:41pm, PittsburghJoe wrote:I'll make my comment when Jimi finds shoes to match his outfit.
Joe |
|
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
purpleydog
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Posts: 2240
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #17 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 10:48pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Jimi... Jimi... Jimi...
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
cootie
New Board Hall of Famer
sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
Gender:
Posts: 8406
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #18 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 10:48pm » |
Quote Modify
|
biker boots go with everything......even thongs Pam 
|
|
IP Logged |
Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
|
|
|
Jimi
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Who loves ya baby!
Gender:
Posts: 2286
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #19 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 11:34pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Pics.......
|
|
IP Logged |
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
|
|
|
forgetfulnot
Guest
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #20 on: Jan 24th, 2006, 11:50pm » |
Quote Modify
 Remove
|
My wife gets it when she wants it, I just set around and wonder when to take the Viagra.
Disclaimer, the spelling in this post was verified by Google and MS Word.
Lee
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Dave_Emond
New Board Newbie
I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
Gender:
Posts: 9
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #21 on: Jan 25th, 2006, 1:47am » |
Quote Modify
|
Sorry ... but Jimi ... I gotta ask ...
Just how much time do you spend reading the Personal Ads?
Even scarier ... just how many have you responded to in order to have this much info?
I'm a bit worried for you my friend! 
Dave
|
|
IP Logged |
Obstacles are those frightful things we see when we take our minds off our goals.
|
|
|
Mr. Happy
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
If I can do it, it ain't art.
 
Gender:
Posts: 2217
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #22 on: Jan 25th, 2006, 2:02am » |
Quote Modify
|
on Jan 24th, 2006, 11:50pm, forgetfulnot wrote:| My wife gets it when she wants it, I just set around and wonder when to take the Viagra. |
|
Shit. THEY must be related, which means......
We're cousins.
RJ
|
|
IP Logged |
May those who don't want any
Have memories of never getting any.
|
|
|
ExplodingEyeBall
New Board Hall of Famer
I can't think of anything clever to put here.
Gender:
Posts: 2589
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #23 on: Jan 26th, 2006, 2:15pm » |
Quote Modify
|
You don't like to spend any time with me and the kids. = You A$$hole!!! You had the nerve to leave the room when I was busy with work I brought home and watching the food channel!!!
Your always out goofing off with your buddies. = You walked out of the house with a guitar in your hand.
|
| « Last Edit: Jan 26th, 2006, 2:17pm by ExplodingEyeBall » |
IP Logged |
Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
|
|
|
Jonny
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Give me a shovel Ill dig my own grave!
Gender:
Posts: 26213
|
|
Re: Women's Personal Ads
« Reply #24 on: Jan 27th, 2006, 8:37pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Jan 24th, 2006, 9:35am, Jimi wrote:| Athletic...............................No tits |
|
Fine by me....Im a thigh man
|
|
IP Logged |
It is up to YOU to educate yourself and then help your doctor plan your treatment. If you just sit down in front of your doctor and say "make me better" you are setting yourself up for a great deal of pain.
- Guiseppi
|
|
|
|
|
|
Home
Help
Search
Members
Member Map
Login
Register
Reply
Notify of replies
Send Topic
Print
test rss