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BarbaraD
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Monday Morning Ponderings....
« on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 5:07am » |
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Some Things To Ponder
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Hugs BD
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AussieBrian
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #1 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 5:31am » |
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king - but only by day.
There's no smoke without fire - until you see city people with barbeques.
Every silver lining has a cloud.
The light at the end of the tunnel might just be an on-coming express train.
Are CH and God mutually exclusive?
Have you ever tried taking candy from a baby?
How do non-smokers know when they've finished making love?
What colour is an orange at night?
Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults have in adultry?
Abbreviated ain't abbreviated, hyphenated ain't hyphenated, monosyllabic is multisyllabic and onomatapaeia is fine if you speak Greek.
Why do men have nipples?
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Vulcrania horrendus - twice daily, then two at night in lieu of sleep.
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alchemy
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get out of my head
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #2 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 8:18am » |
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why do drive through atm's have brail on the keeboard?
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zwibbs/Scott
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #3 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 9:05am » |
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Why is there an expiration date on " Sour Cream?"
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There's always light at the end of the Tunnel.
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Carl_D
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #4 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 9:11am » |
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Hmmm Barb....
Lemme add a little more wisdom for enlightenment...
Hmmmm
I have been pondering some of these same things since I have no life out of curiosity. Maybe I can shed some light from my own thought on some of these:
Can you cry under water? Of course. But only the fish can see it.
Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going to? Taxes
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Nope. You wear fig leaves like in the garden. Not sure if they have designer figs though.
What disease did cured ham actually have? Swine flu
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? I sleep like a baby - I cry all night long.
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? I'm not sure, but along the same thought, if a blind person dies is the wake still called a 'viewing'?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? You go OUT to see a movie, and if you are ON tv, the set is obviously not OFF
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. I'm not sure, but why is there no foreplay before a prostate exam?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? It is a design by smoke alarm companies to make sure your detector is working
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? He thinks as long as they are stranded he still has a chance with Ginger and Marianne. Think about it: Mr Howell is too old and married, The Skipper and Gilligan have their own little thing going on, so that makes him the only available 'stud'. That professor was one clever SOB.
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! Goofy evolved.
If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? How many restaurants can you find in the desert?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? Babies! Duh!
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Think 'Moral Majority' and you have your answer!
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? "Twinkle Twinkle" was the hip-hop version. How much of that crap is original?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above? I'm a sanger! I sing everything!
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? They both come from Uranus
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? It's his way of saying you need a Tic-Tac!
Hope that clears up a few of your questions.
BTW - If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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imnotbub
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #5 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 9:24am » |
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Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Let me shed a little light here.
I was having my house resided, and most of the crew doing the work did not speak English. Trying to be nice, and knowing that the men had not gone to the bathroom for hours, I tried to ask one of them if he needed to use the bathroom. At first I just asked, but like an ignorant gringo (that's what my wife calls me, she's Cuban) I just talked slower and louder, thinking this would make him understand. Realizing my folly when he looked at me blankly, I pointed at my crotch and then pointed into the house towards the bathroom. Are you getting the visual here. The look he gave me at this point made me see what was going through his mind. I must have turned eight shades of purple.
Moral: Don't point at your crotch to ask a question.
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Life may not be good, but I think it beats the alternative, and if it doesn't, we'll find out soon enough
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sandie99
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #6 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 11:01am » |
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Lots of interesting things to wonder. Thanks, Barbara! 
Sanna
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"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
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Guiseppi
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #7 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 11:06am » |
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To continue a thread:
Why did kamikaze pilot wear helmets?
Why do you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
(maybe my wife is right and I do need to get a life....)
Guiseppi
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Why are all sensors, seeking intelligent life, pointed AWAY from earth?
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aprilbee
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #8 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 11:30am » |
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I have one..
why do they call them Apartments???
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Langa
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #9 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 12:23pm » |
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Quote:| Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? |
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Always did wonder about this one...LOL
These were great!
Langa
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cootie
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #10 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 12:41pm » |
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Why do dogs eat so much shit and actually fight over it when I spend SO MUCH money on expensive topa the line dog food ? Hankie pooh kennel Pam
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Charlie
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #11 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 6:55pm » |
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Why don't they call suicide rings "bad mood rings?"
Charlie 
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Ghost
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Re: Monday Morning Ponderings....
« Reply #12 on: Jan 23rd, 2006, 8:10pm » |
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on Jan 23rd, 2006, 5:07am, BarbaraD wrote:Some Things To Ponder
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Hugs BD
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This is a good one and to add what about girlscout cookies?
I got kicked out of the scouts for eating a brownie but you cant be a gay scout leader why? 
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