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Topic: I finally found you!! (Read 309 times) |
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SLanegan
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I am an American Soldier!!! Proud of what I do!!!
 
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I finally found you!!
« on: Feb 7th, 2005, 5:51pm » |
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Hello everyone!!! Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has helped with this site. I have endured Clusters for almost ten yars now. Where the hell was all the help when "The Devil" (as I call it) started.
I have been an American Soldier for the past 15 years. Throughout most of my military career I have had the devil on my back in one way or another. I can honestly say that "HE" hasn't beaten me yet......yet.
Last week I woke up at 1 AM to a remembered feeling. "The Devil" was back. I was on temporary duty in El Paso, Texas with absolutely no meds, nothing. I was on my own!!! "The Devil" I thought had gone and finally left me over two years ago. How wrong I was. I had to endure level 8 or 9 pain for two hours before I rocked myself to sleep eventually. When I woke the next morning I knew I was in trouble.
Since then "The Devil" has been coming to see me several times during the day and every night. Last night I had a 10 I swear. I told my wife to kill me and let me die. I swear that when "The Devil" hits me like that I want to just give up. I absolutely hate him!!!!!
I am supposed to be a strong American Soldier who protects the freedom of all Americans and those who suffer throughout the world, but, how can I when "The Devil" brings me to my knees, makes me cry myself to sleep, a man who rocks himself like a baby.
Tell me if "The Devil" will ever go away. I have deployed to many countries all over the world, I am a proven combat Soldier who is highly decorated. I have been in war and fought next to my brothers and sisters and have seen the bad things most people could only imagine. I was scared through out it yes, but, the scaredness I feel now again just to go to sleep at night, knowing that "The Devil" is coming to get me is by far the worst fear of all.
I am so glad that I can write to all of you because you know "The Devil" yourselves. I just needed to vent.
I will continue to be strong, even on my knees when I am wanting to die.
Master Sergeant
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LeLimey
CH.com Alumnus
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
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Re: I finally found you!!
« Reply #1 on: Feb 7th, 2005, 6:00pm » |
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First of all thank you! I saw someone post a bumper sticker the other day that was about the best I have ever seen and it said to thank a soldier for the fact we speak English.
SO.. thank you for this site being in English!
I'm so sorry you have to be here, but welcome. You'll find alot of help here, there is loads to read and fantastic wonderful people who can help you and sometimes just listen.. 
What meds are you taking? Have you tried O2? Its wonder stuff for me. Alot of people swear by melatonin for night time hits too.. it just takes time to find the right cocktail for you
Get your wife to take a look at the site too.. there is alot of help here for our supporters and sometimes they need that too!
Let us know how you are getting on, its nice to meet you... I'm just sorry its here
Take care
Helen
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Ghost
CH.com Alumnus
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Farting relieves the pressure
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Re: I finally found you!!
« Reply #2 on: Feb 7th, 2005, 6:40pm » |
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Being ex military I know what you mean but you dont need to be military to have the beast hunt you. To answer the question will it go away . No but it does most of the time take a vacation unless you go chronic. Good luck. Dont let it win.
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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TonyG1
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Welcome Master Sgt. -- Former USAF here -- Sorry you have to be here due to CH (a.k.a. - the devil) -- I've only been on the board a few daze (vs. days as I'm in a cycle at the moment) ; however, I have found a ton of useful info and more importantly people who understand what it is like to endure... All of we cluster heads have been brought to our knees at some point in time and it will most assuredly happen again. The thing we do have is hope -- to each I'm sure that number 1 hope is the devil will go away never to return .. whatever it may be, we share a common bond of this misery and none of us is on our own (esprit de Corps so to speak) --
Take Care and wishing you many PFDANs (Pain Free Days and Nights).
Tony
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SLanegan
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I am an American Soldier!!! Proud of what I do!!!
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Re: I finally found you!!
« Reply #4 on: Feb 7th, 2005, 9:10pm » |
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Tonight I had another one and didn't take any meds. I felt like I had to fight "The Devil" with all of me. He hit me hard for awhile, but, I took him down in the long run.
I am taking the Imitrex Nasal Spray. 20mg in each spray. I don't really care for these because I can taste the medication as it drips down my throat. It makes me puke sometimes. I would prefer the shots.
Concern is that the medical instructions say not to take more than two doses in a 24 hour period. How the hell am I supposed to not take more than two? I am getting at least 5 attacks a day. Am I supposed to just do what I did earlier tonight and just fight it off, or can I take more than two in a 24 hour period?
Thanks for the words of encouragement to everyone. I feel sorry for my wife and three girls. They suffer too as you all know. They are what gets me through the attacks from the devil.
Master Sergeant!!!!
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Kris_in_SJ
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There's no place like home.
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Re: I finally found you!!
« Reply #5 on: Feb 7th, 2005, 9:45pm » |
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Hi SL,
Welcome, but so sorry you have to be here.
We've had a number of our brave armed forces members here, as well as a number of horror stories about armed forces service physicians.
My best advice would be to print out the medical info to the left and get to the doc. Get yourself some Imitrex injectibles or some Oxygen. If you have the injects, there's also info to the left that tells you how to split doses without exceeding 12mg/day. If you're sqeamish (like me) about using the same needle more than once, request multidose vials and syringes. The Oxygen info also is very informative and tells you EXACTLY WHAT THE DOC SHOULD ORDER. I wasn't yelling - it's just that many docs don't understand the importance of high flow and non-rebreathing mask.
Keep posting - let us know how it's going for you.
Hugs,
Kris
While you're at it, be sure the doc prescribes a good preventative like Verapamil (480mg/day is the magic dose).
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I'm a small woman in small town being chased by a VERY BIG BEAST!
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Ghost
CH.com Alumnus
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Farting relieves the pressure
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Re: I finally found you!!
« Reply #6 on: Feb 7th, 2005, 9:51pm » |
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Be strong they need you too. I wish there was something I cld say to make it better. "Best to take the path least traveled then to take no path at all. " Remember there is someone here almost all the time. I just found this too and found alot of help dealing. It may never go away for good but it is so good when it goes away.
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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SLanegan
New Board Newbie
I am an American Soldier!!! Proud of what I do!!!
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Posts: 30
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Re: I finally found you!!
« Reply #7 on: Feb 7th, 2005, 10:02pm » |
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Thanks Kris for your insight into the O2 and Verapamil. I am planning on seeing my "Military" doc tomorrow and will certainly request the works. He is actually a buddy of mine I hunted with this past deer season, so we share something more than just my headaches. Hopefully he listens to me and helps me out.
Thanks again!
Sean
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JDH
CH.com Alumnus
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We will get by, We will survive!
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Re: I finally found you!!
« Reply #8 on: Feb 7th, 2005, 10:51pm » |
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Sean,
Like some of the others have said you need to try o2 but there are a few things you need to know about using it.
check out the link for o2 info.
http://www.headachesupportgroups.com/oxygen/oxygen.htm
Good luck and thank you for serving,
Jim
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9-11-01, to remember is to honor.
It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.
ECH established 1985
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sandie99
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Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Re: I finally found you!!
« Reply #9 on: Feb 8th, 2005, 4:36am » |
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Welcome to ch family!
You know how to fight... I wish you the best with this battle.
And lots of PFdays,
Sandie
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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SLanegan
New Board Newbie
I am an American Soldier!!! Proud of what I do!!!
Gender:
Posts: 30
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Re: I finally found you!!
« Reply #10 on: Feb 8th, 2005, 9:08pm » |
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Thanks to LeLimey, TonyG1, Kris, Jim, ghost and Sandie!!!!
Your words of encouragement are my empowerment!!!!
Anything I can ever do for you, just call on me!!!! Anytime, day or night!!!!!
Sean
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JDH
CH.com Alumnus
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We will get by, We will survive!
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Re: I finally found you!!
« Reply #11 on: Feb 8th, 2005, 10:06pm » |
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on Feb 8th, 2005, 9:08pm, SLanegan wrote:
Your words of encouragement are my empowerment!!!!
Sean |
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that's kind of what this place is all about.
ain't it great?
Jim
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9-11-01, to remember is to honor.
It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.
ECH established 1985
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