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Topic: Dear Husband... (Read 370 times) |
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Jeepgun
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
BOHICA!!!
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Posts: 3840
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Dear Husband...
« on: Oct 3rd, 2005, 1:06pm » |
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Dear Husband
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been
a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came
home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked
your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home
and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.
Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is,
I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away
to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your Ex-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you
and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry
from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your
constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off
all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look
just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say
anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price
tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just
borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I
discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and
bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Every-
thing happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always
wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime
from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla.
I hope that's not a problem.
Signed
Rich As Hell and Free!
(Ditch the bitch and let's go Jeepin'!) 
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| « Last Edit: Oct 3rd, 2005, 1:06pm by Jeepgun » |
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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Ronny
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Yabba Dabba Doo
 
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Posts: 914
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Re: Dear Husband...
« Reply #1 on: Oct 3rd, 2005, 3:25pm » |
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LMAO
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Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms.
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kimmiedawn81
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Stuck in the middle with you!
 
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Posts: 1426
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Re: Dear Husband...
« Reply #2 on: Oct 4th, 2005, 10:57am » |
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Oh My God, that is hilarious!
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mynm156
New Board Hall of Famer
hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
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Posts: 1708
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Re: Dear Husband...
« Reply #3 on: Oct 5th, 2005, 3:57am » |
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"Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them."
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