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Topic: Smart Ass Answers (Read 447 times) |
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daffyswacky
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Do the voices in my head scare you?
  
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Smart Ass Answers
« on: Sep 25th, 2005, 11:44am » |
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TOP 5 SMART ASS ANSWERS FOR 2005...according to Reader's Digest:
Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate
to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she
said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
Smart Ass Answer #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied,
"No ma'am, they're dead."
Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped
for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day,"the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign
comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
AND NOW.......FOR THE#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005...........
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider
a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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If you're not living on the edge...you're taking up too much space
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mynm156
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hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
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Re: Smart Ass Answers
« Reply #1 on: Sep 25th, 2005, 2:26pm » |
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Funny Shit
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"Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them."
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AussieBrian
New Board Hall of Famer
Got beer?
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Re: Smart Ass Answers
« Reply #2 on: Sep 27th, 2005, 10:17am » |
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I don't swear at all, so forgive me this time, but I was sat in the pub when it happened:
Customer: Gimme a Scotch.
Barmaid: Certainly, sir. Would you like ice?
Customer: Did I ask for &%#@ ice?
Barmaid: No, sir. You didn't ask for a &%#@ glass, but I bet you &%#@ want one.
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Vulcrania horrendus - twice daily, then two at night in lieu of sleep.
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