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Topic: Public Housing (Read 435 times) |
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LeLimey
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OUCH-US - Less "ME" and more "WE"
 
 
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Public Housing
« on: Sep 14th, 2005, 10:58am » |
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Genuine Council Complaints
extracts from letters sent to various Councils and Housing Associations throughout the U.K. (Public Housing)
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage
My neighbours are very noisy and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and she would like it in the garden before we move house.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6a.m., his cock wakes me up and now it's getting too much for me.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.
My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take any more.
...that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
Genuine Consumer Complaints
A man opened his cornflakes and found an insect. He wrote to the manufacturer who replied that his letter had caused a great deal of concern at head office. To find an insect in their product was, they thought, impossible: they would close the factory and fumigate it. They expressed their gratitude to the man for bringing such a serious matter to their attention.
The man was delighted especially as the manufacturer had sent him vouchers so he could get replacement packs. However, his delight was cut short when he read the Post-It note attached to the letter. It was from the Vice President of Consumer Affairs and read: "Send this creep the usual insect letter".
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Jeepgun
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Re: Public Housing
« Reply #1 on: Sep 14th, 2005, 11:18am » |
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OMFG.... *wiping tears of laughter*
Fungus growing in one's back passage, definitely sounds like a serious problem! Perhaps if they send around the man with the proper tool? BWAHAHAHAHA!!! 
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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Ghost
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Farting relieves the pressure
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Re: Public Housing
« Reply #2 on: Sep 14th, 2005, 11:58am » |
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   watch for the fungus
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Illigitimus Non Tatum Carborundum
If all men are endowed by their creator, why was mine so short sighted?
***WARNING*** Oxygen will rust your pipes!
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giffy76
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Re: Public Housing
« Reply #3 on: Sep 14th, 2005, 12:29pm » |
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I was unaware that the neighbors could see my dangerouse erection
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seasonalboomer
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If I think hard enough maybe it'll go away.....
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Re: Public Housing
« Reply #4 on: Sep 14th, 2005, 12:37pm » |
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helen, thanks for the moments of barely controllable laughter as I sit in my office and people walk by and wonder what in the hell is up with me, face red, tears streaming.
best, scott
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seasonal boomer
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pattik
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Re: Public Housing
« Reply #5 on: Sep 14th, 2005, 3:57pm » |
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 Bwaaahahahahahahahah
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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