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Topic: Hallmark Cards From Hell (Read 340 times) |
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Jeepgun
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
BOHICA!!!
Gender: 
Posts: 3840
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Hallmark Cards From Hell
« on: Aug 29th, 2005, 9:28am » |
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THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
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Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
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Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
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How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
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I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.
-------------------------------------- -------------------------------
I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
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Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost lifelike!
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When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
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We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
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Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday
So we're having you put to sleep.
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So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.
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Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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pattik
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
 
Gender: 
Posts: 2404
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Re: Hallmark Cards From Hell
« Reply #1 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 9:33am » |
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 Thanks for brightening my morning. I especially liked-
Quote: Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
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The voyage of discovery is not about seeking new landscapes, it's about having new eyes--Marcel Proust
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sassy_lady
New Board Hall of Famer
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Posts: 613
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Re: Hallmark Cards From Hell
« Reply #2 on: Aug 29th, 2005, 4:31pm » |
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man I'd like to get a couple of those, some if some cases in my life!! 
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AussieBrian
New Board Hall of Famer
Got beer?
Gender:
Posts: 1695
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Re: Hallmark Cards From Hell
« Reply #3 on: Aug 30th, 2005, 2:41am » |
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Having a great time,
Wish you were her.
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Vulcrania horrendus - twice daily, then two at night in lieu of sleep.
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sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Posts: 10429
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Re: Hallmark Cards From Hell
« Reply #4 on: Sep 3rd, 2005, 2:19am » |
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on Aug 29th, 2005, 9:28am, Frank_W wrote:
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I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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Card for clusterheads, no doubt! 
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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burnt-toast
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender:
Posts: 1686
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Re: Hallmark Cards From Hell
« Reply #5 on: Sep 3rd, 2005, 7:21am » |
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They'd should sell millions of these. 
Tom
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Would the owner of the propane torch, egg beater, pipe expander and vise grips please claim these items. They're lodged in my head and I need the space.
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Jeepgun
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
BOHICA!!!
Gender:
Posts: 3840
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Re: Hallmark Cards From Hell
« Reply #6 on: Sep 6th, 2005, 9:24am » |
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on Aug 30th, 2005, 2:41am, AussieBrian wrote:Having a great time,
Wish you were her. |
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LMAO! "It was a typo! Honest!" ROFL!
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IP Logged |
Her: "Have you ever hit a deer?"
Me: "What, like, in the FACE?"
Her: ..... "WHAT is the MATTER with you!?"
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