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Topic: class for men (Read 324 times) |
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sassy_lady
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class for men
« on: Jul 28th, 2005, 10:51pm » |
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New evening classes for men! All are welcome. Open to men only!
C lasses starting this month.
Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.
Topic 1. How to fill ice-cube trays?
Step by step with slide presentation.
Topic 2. Toilet paper rolls: do they grow on the holders?
Round-table discussion.
Topic 3: Differences between the laundry basket and the floor.
Pictures and explanatory graphics.
Topic 4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink?
Examples on video.
Topic 5. Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other.
Helpline and support groups.
Topic 6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open forum.
Topic 7. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Graphics and audio tape.
Topic 8. Real men ask for directions when lost.
Real-life testimonials.
Topic 9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she
parallel parks?
Driving simulation.
Topic 10. Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife.
Online class and role playing.
Topic 11. How to be the ideal shopping companion.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
Topic 12. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late.
Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.
Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued. Register now!
Contact your the nearest Society of Typical Men (STM) 
How do you get a man on the roof?
Tell him the beers on the house.
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to leave, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to name that person, until the woman held a very touching speech.
She said that she will voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she is used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.......
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burnt-toast
New Board Hall of Famer
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Posts: 1686
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Re: class for men
« Reply #1 on: Jul 29th, 2005, 9:40am » |
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These lame male cult deprogramming classes are not going to help. Being a man is already imbedded into minds by the Man Courses that we are required to pass before our 10th birthdays. These are listed below your deprogramming topics.
Topic 1. How to fill ice-cube trays?
Step by step with slide presentation.
Man Course: Usefulness of Kitchen appliances
Basic: Allowing women to have responsibility for something that helps them feel important and useful
Advanced: Helping women establish basic concepts of right and left, hot and cold (blue and red), open, and closed.
Topic 2. Toilet paper rolls: do they grow on the holders?
Round-table discussion.
Man Course: TP
Basic: Women use three times a much as men - make them replace the roll
Advanced: Controlling ones temper when unclogging drains/acknowledging the female’s unnatural obsession for “clean”
Topic 3: Differences between the laundry basket and the floor.
Pictures and explanatory graphics.
Man Course: Laundry
Basic: Scatter effectively – it makes it easier for women to sort
Advanced: 6 effective ways to insure she doesn’t ask you do women’s work again
Topic 4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink?
Examples on video.
Man Course: Utensil management
Basic: Strategic placement of utensils for future re-use
Advanced: Avoiding loss of strategically placed utensils when women exercise their unnatural obsession for “clean”
Topic 5. Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other.
Helpline and support groups.
Man course: Remote Control Management
Basic: Lose control of your remote and women will find work for you to do
Advanced: “Keep away” and how this avoids repetitiously explaining how remotes function to women
Topic 6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open forum.
Man Course: Retain your stuff
Basic: How to find everything of yours that your woman has hidden over the past month without arousing suspicions.
Advanced: How to break few of her things to make space for something useful without arousing suspicions.
Topic 7. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Graphics and audio tape.
Man Course: Dangers of Flowers
Basic: Bringing her flowers and losing spare time
Advanced I: Coping with hours of meaningless babble if at a weak moment you bring her flowers for no reason.
Advanced II: How to use flowers to get what you want without her realizing you’re up to something
Topic 8. Real men ask for directions when lost.
Real-life testimonials.
Man Course: Driving Defensively
Basic: How to effectively appear lost when you know exactly where you are
Advanced I: Smiling inside at the frustration this causes in women/avoiding the disaster of getting caught smiling on the outside
Advanced II: How to realistically avoid stopping for directions/reduce time spent at meaningless affairs women drag you to
Topic 9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks?
Driving simulation.
Man Course: WTF
Basic: Being present while women parallel park and not making matters worse by offering to do it yourself out of frustration.
Advanced: Stomach ulcers and nervous disorders associated with women parallel parking
Topic 10. Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife.
Online class and role playing.
Man Course: Self Preservation
Only Course: Causing tension between women of varying age groups to keep them from combining forces
Topic 11. How to be the ideal shopping companion.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
Man Course: Men Hunt, Women Gather
Basic: Dealing with the lack of challenge when everything in the store is already dead
Advanced I: Making women feel important by giving them something they can actually do without a man’s help.
Advanced II: How to get past the “everything’s already dead” mindset in stores selling sporting goods, tool, auto parts and other exciting items without losing your integrity.
Topic 12. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late.
Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.
Man Course: Preserving core storage for important things
Basic: How to destroy all memory of time sensitive information/why she really doesn’t want to be reminded about the passage of time
Advanced: Understanding how complaining and acting upset helps women cope with the aging process.
Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued. Register now!
Contact your the nearest Society of Typical Men (STM)
We receive diploma’s of ragged heavily stained undergarments that we are permitted to copy as needed. You’ll never take em’ from us.
Tom
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| « Last Edit: Jul 29th, 2005, 9:46am by burnt-toast » |
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Would the owner of the propane torch, egg beater, pipe expander and vise grips please claim these items. They're lodged in my head and I need the space.
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